Deaf teenager and sex - help please!

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Rachelle's Aunt

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My niece is 13 and is a resident at a school for the deaf in California. Last weekend she went home with a girlfriend (instead of coming home) and choose to have sex with a school-mate (15 year old boy)

We don't know what to do with her and are open to any suggestions.
She is a wonderful kid but VERY sexually aware and always has a different boyfriend who she "loves."
I have learned in the past that she frequently takes pictures of herself and uploads them on the internet, despite hours upon hours of informing her of the dangers. (yes, I sign)
She doesn't always tell the truth, and she is very self-centered.

Should we pull her out of this school?
We are at the end of our rope.
Suggestions, please? :ily:
 
wow, a tough call. For better safety reason to prevent her getting pregnant, why not put her on birth control. seems society today are into sex thing for those kids at young age. have you looked up on parenting.com for suggestions? wish I can help ya, i only have two little boys under age of three. so sorry, best of luck!
 
I'm afraid, that Downing is right about this.


The present time is different at my time in the past.

Most of teenagers tempt to have sex out of curiously. I would suggest you to check with Gynecologist what you can do with your teenagers children.


Most I know, had told me that healthy insurance cover the anti-baby pill cost for teenagers up to 18 years old. Of course the teenageres received the sex education from Gynecologist and school. You know some of the children doesnt feel like to open talk about sex with their parents.
 
That's a tough situation. These days, teenagers are having sex for reasons other than love, and that can land her in some hot water. I would suggest perhaps limiting her internet, so that she cannot upload photos of herself - or posing an ultimatum - use the internet, but not for uploading photos...or else she will not be able to use it. It's just a thought.

As for sex - I agree with putting her on birth control...she is already sexually active and it is a pretty safe assumption that there's more going on that you might be aware of. I'm not trying to scare you but I was a teenager once and I do know that I went to GREAT LENGTHS to hide details about my personal life from my family.

At any rate - talk to her...let her know your concerns...and remind her that you love her, whether she has made her mistakes or not. Perhaps you can gain further insight onto her thoughts?

I wish you luck.
 
yep.. i agree.. the best way to do this.. without getting her to rebel against you guys.. get her checked in for birth control pills to prevent her from getting pregnant and ALSO.. PLEASE offer give her packs of condoms!!!! as you never know if she is promisicous (sp?) and you want to prevent her from getting std, aids, etc.. sheesh!!

and also of course have a heart to heart talks with her about your concerns and all.. and also limit the internet as well.. but how can you do that if she is away at school!?!? maybe you can voice your concerns to the school?? and complain about the dangers of the internet and all that cuz there is not enough supervision, etc???
 
I honestly do not think giving birth controls to a 13-year-old girl is the right thing. She is too young. What if she thinks it is okay to have sex with 20-year-old man, 25-year-old man, and 30-year-old man? There are many pedophile that are out there that want their hands on young girls.

Secondly, birth controls are not 100% effective of pregnancy and STD diseases.

You need to have a talk to her about sex facts. Birth controls does not prevent her from getting pregnant or from sexual diseases. The best thing is no sex. If you do give her birth control, and she comes home being pregnant, what are you going to do? Then who knows, she get abortion. We need to educate young kids about no sex until they meet a right person. I do realize today times are different than when we are young but we all need to explain to the kids.

You need to call the school and see what they can do. They cannot watch all kids so it is parents' responsibility to keep track of them. If I were you, I would pull her out of the school where she can come home from school on the weekdays and weekend and supervise her.

Have a heartfelt talk with your niece and explain honestly to her that you are scared and want to explain her the consequence of having sex. The only 2 consequence of having sex are pregnancy and STD diseases. Ask her if she would be prepared to have a baby or deal with STD diseases. Show her a book with pictures of STD diseases on penis and vagina (yes, it is gross.) Also, if she has sex with a boy and they broke up, she would be emotionally attached to him. There are many consequences of having sex. Be honest and give out all the facts. Tell her you love her and worry about her. I wish you a good luck and you are a very loving aunt who worries about her and try to find solution to this problem. Take care.
 
BlondeGirl said:
I honestly do not think giving birth controls to a 13-year-old girl is the right thing. She is too young. What if she thinks it is okay to have sex with 20-year-old man, 25-year-old man, and 30-year-old man? There are many pedophile that are out there that want their hands on young girls.

Secondly, birth controls are not 100% effective of pregnancy and STD diseases.

You need to have a talk to her about sex facts. Birth controls does not prevent her from getting pregnant or from sexual diseases. The best thing is no sex. If you do give her birth control, and she comes home being pregnant, what are you going to do? Then who knows, she get abortion. We need to educate young kids about no sex until they meet a right person. I do realize today times are different than when we are young but we all need to explain to the kids.

You need to call the school and see what they can do. They cannot watch all kids so it is parents' responsibility to keep track of them. If I were you, I would pull her out of the school where she can come home from school on the weekdays and weekend and supervise her.

Have a heartfelt talk with your niece and explain honestly to her that you are scared and want to explain her the consequence of having sex. The only 2 consequence of having sex are pregnancy and STD diseases. Ask her if she would be prepared to have a baby or deal with STD diseases. Show her a book with pictures of STD diseases on penis and vagina (yes, it is gross.) Also, if she has sex with a boy and they broke up, she would be emotionally attached to him. There are many consequences of having sex. Be honest and give out all the facts. Tell her you love her and worry about her. I wish you a good luck and you are a very loving aunt who worries about her and try to find solution to this problem. Take care.
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Yes i agreed w/you as more...

Rachelle's Aunt...

Advise is... talk w/their parent as more concern about the child's sex active..

Suggestion one ticket is... take her and go visit counselloring somehow to help her understanding issues sex.. which isn't safe more and receives aids/hiv and much more.... show her open communcation understand.. which she is sex active...can be lead to private "not showing her own ways".

I hope there will come and works as well.. If not work.. try ask for rescource informaiton to help this child.
 
I would suggest this to her Parent, But you can talk openly about sex with your niece how to protect herself from disease and from being pregnant, make her understand you are concern is for her health and well being.


And for the Internet: You could put her on Parent Control, Or there a software you can get It protect and blocking software. CyberSnoop (www.pearlsw.com or WinWhatWhere for Families (www.winwhatwhere.com or Parental-Control.Com(www.parental-control.com) She is too young to be going in Chat rooms and posting her pictures, or sending her pictures on line. There are alot of perverts guys on line, I would be more concern for her being on line sending her pictures to strangers when she is only 15 years old. :Ohno:
 
BlondeGirl said:
I honestly do not think giving birth controls to a 13-year-old girl is the right thing. She is too young.
Click to expand...

You have a point in your thread...however, on the other hand, 13 (or 15) is too young to be worryin' about teen pregnancy. I think birth control is a good idea. Doctors also put teens on birth control to regulate their periods on occasion. Certainly doesn't hurt.
 
First of all, that Birth Control pills are not 100% accurate. But, sometimes birth control pills can work, depending on what brand is. Secondly, you need to teach her and provide her informational resources on Sexually-Transmitted Diseases. Informational Websites are: CDC STD Information, Sexually Transmitted Disease: Information from National Library of Medicine by National Institutes of Health (requires flash player), read it to her and help her learn the dangers of recieving STDs. Third, you need to inform her that teens pregnancies are high and most of these teens dropped out of high school due to being pregnanted or most of them have to give up their dreams of what they wanted to be when they grow up. Maybe she can get her dreams up when she successfully raised her child and have enuff money to go to college. BUT raising children is the most hardest task she'll face when she becomes a mother. And last, help her practice safe abstinence and do whatever you need to do to help her shape up her sexual behavior, she'll probably have to learn to control it. Conunseling will be good for her. Hope everything goes right and may Jesus be with you and her.
 
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BlondeGirl,

If I were you, I would pull her out of the school where she can come home from school on the weekdays and weekend and supervise her
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Not a good idea, The more You control a teenager the more they are likey will run away from home. Don't want that to happen do you? You think pulling her out of school will stop her from having sex? No, it won't matter of fact.

If you tell your teenager not to have sex, Let's face it, most will do the exact opposite of what you tell them. Sorry but it's the truth. It is important to talk with them about sex and It is very important to keep the lines of communication open.
 
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Malfoyish said:
You have a point in your thread...however, on the other hand, 13 (or 15) is too young to be worryin' about teen pregnancy. I think birth control is a good idea. Doctors also put teens on birth control to regulate their periods on occasion. Certainly doesn't hurt.
Click to expand...

You have a good point as well. However, birth control are not 100% effective of pregnancy or STD diseases. What if she gets pregnant or get STD diseases? The best method would be no sex until she find a right person when she is a little older.

I do realize the teenagers would do things behind their parents' back but I would advise explaining to the kids about sex. First option, no sex. If not, then I would encourage them to be on birth control and condom. However, they must face the consequence if they get pregnant or STD diseaes.
 
Cheri said:
BlondeGirl,




Not a good idea, The more You control a teenager the more they are likey will run away from home. Don't want that to happen do you? You think pulling her out of school will stop her from having sex? No, it won't matter of fact.
Click to expand...

You have a good point. I have had friends who grew up at deaf schools and they would tell me stories about having sex with their friends and doing drugs. Who are watching them? I would not send off my kids to a school and stay there during the weekdays and wonder who watches them. I would prefer them to come home during the week and weekends so that I can raise them. It is parents' responsiblity, not the school. I am not saying deaf schools are bad. I have 2 deaf nieces that attends deaf school and my sister-in-law and her husband moved close to the school so that the kids can come home during the weekdays and weekends. I just can't stay home wondering what my kids are doing during the weekdays with no superivisor.
 
BlondeGirl said:
You have a good point as well. However, birth control are not 100% effective of pregnancy or STD diseases. What if she gets pregnant or get STD diseases? The best method would be no sex until she find a right person when she is a little older.

I do realize the teenagers would do things behind their parents' back but I would advise explaining to the kids about sex. First option, no sex. If not, then I would encourage them to be on birth control and condom. However, they must face the consequence if they get pregnant or STD diseaes.
Click to expand...

Of course...that is a risk with the pill method of birth control. Condoms are effective in helping prevent disease, although not 100% definitive. I think that she could use the pill AND a condom, to up her chances of safety. You're right about that...but bottom line is...no one is safe, unless they are completely abstinent.
 
Cheri said:
BlondeGirl,




Not a good idea, The more You control a teenager the more they are likey will run away from home. Don't want that to happen do you? You think pulling her out of school will stop her from having sex? No, it won't matter of fact.

If you tell your teenager not to have sex, Let's face it, most will do the exact opposite of what you tell them. Sorry but it's the truth. It is important to talk with them about sex and It is very important to keep the lines of communication open.
Click to expand...

thats what i meant.. she will rebel against you (the aunt) and her parents and whoever else who tries to control her like that.. so thats why i suggested those things in the above (birth control, packs of condoms and control the internet (parent controls like cheri mentioned))

i was a teenager once and i remember that i wanted to feel like a grown up no matter what my parents said! i tried smoking cigarettes, pot, birth control pills, etc.. thank god.. i NEVER ONCE TRIED DRUGS.. i refused to try it.. cuz i was smart enough and too scared to try it... but the other stuff.. i didnt even like them like cigarettes, etc ... so i didnt continue these things.. but of course i kept the b.c :giggle: ... it not easy being a teenager with your hormones developing and trying to figure it out... (sigh)
 
but VERY sexually aware and always has a different boyfriend who she "loves."
Click to expand...
She's far too young to be doing it. God when I was 13 I thought I knew it all, and now.....I see what a little dork I was back then! (I am 25 now) Does she know about relationships? Like does she know that having sex isn't nessarly something that she has to do, but should be a nautral outgrowth of special feelings for someone? Maybe get her into counseling or something. God.....13 year olds are still drooling over Teen Beat and know NOTHING about relationships!
 
First, she needs counseling for her low self esteem.

She needs counseling to help her realize that giving her body away to any man to get attention is not healthy and will never give her that feeling of belonging until she truly loves herself.

Many people give their bodies away thinking they are being loved by a man and getting attention.

She has to take that first step first.
 
BlondeGirl said:
I honestly do not think giving birth controls to a 13-year-old girl is the right thing. She is too young. What if she thinks it is okay to have sex with 20-year-old man, 25-year-old man, and 30-year-old man? There are many pedophile that are out there that want their hands on young girls.

Secondly, birth controls are not 100% effective of pregnancy and STD diseases.

You need to have a talk to her about sex facts. Birth controls does not prevent her from getting pregnant or from sexual diseases. The best thing is no sex. If you do give her birth control, and she comes home being pregnant, what are you going to do? Then who knows, she get abortion. We need to educate young kids about no sex until they meet a right person. I do realize today times are different than when we are young but we all need to explain to the kids.

You need to call the school and see what they can do. They cannot watch all kids so it is parents' responsibility to keep track of them. If I were you, I would pull her out of the school where she can come home from school on the weekdays and weekend and supervise her.

Have a heartfelt talk with your niece and explain honestly to her that you are scared and want to explain her the consequence of having sex. The only 2 consequence of having sex are pregnancy and STD diseases. Ask her if she would be prepared to have a baby or deal with STD diseases. Show her a book with pictures of STD diseases on penis and vagina (yes, it is gross.) Also, if she has sex with a boy and they broke up, she would be emotionally attached to him. There are many consequences of having sex. Be honest and give out all the facts. Tell her you love her and worry about her. I wish you a good luck and you are a very loving aunt who worries about her and try to find solution to this problem. Take care.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with you about this. Just putting her on birth control isn't going to solve the problem. This smacks of an emotional problem, so I would also suggest getting her some counseling, maybe. As has been suggested, kids don't always tell adults everything, so she could be hiding something from you like a problem with somebody or worse.

I would limit her online time as well. If the computer is in the child's room, it needs to be moved to an area more accessible to the parents, and pronto! This child's online activities needs to be monitered.

I hate to say this, but maybe, just good old fashioned limits might solve the problem. If all else fails, then yes, put the child on birth control. Parents can't be "on gaurd" 24/7, and kids are resourceful. I think those of us who lived through our teen age years can attest to that! :lol:

Good luck with her!
 
It is pretty likely that the school is a big factor in these problems. I once attended a school where students had the choice to either become day or resident students. At a public school, there are still sex and drugs, but it's worse at boarding schools because children at there 5 days a week without going home at all, then they have choices to visit their friends over the weekends rather than at their homes.

Sex and drugs... don't get me started on these subjects. Boarding schools are one of the worst places when it come to sex and drugs. If I were you, I'll advise the parents to transfer her from the school to a local school, that way she'll be with her family everyday instead of just on the weekends.

Children are supposed to live with their parents, not with houseparents who are paid like Wal-Mart workers. That's why I chose to remain a day student instead of a resident school because I didn't like what I saw in the residence. Resident students are often at more disadvantages than advantages because the houseparents are usually inexperienced and have no children of their own in many cases. 2.5 days of staying at home a week isn't good enough, period. A home need to be accessible 24/7 rather than at a long distance and only get access on the weekend. Plus, it make more sense to have local friends you can visit and sleep over at over the weekends rather than having long distance friends. Sometimes, the children don't see their parents for weeks because they're busy partying, sleeping over at their friends over the weekends.

The best solution is to have the child live with the parents because the child need to be taught about life and more. It can't be achieved just over the weekends. Go to a local school, make local friends, there's more advantages to it than you have at a boarding school plus you'll still have your parents to love you and teach you about life.

Just my two cents.
 
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