Deaf Single Parent. How did you do it?

[crazy]

Alright, here is a interesting post. How many of you are single parent and raising your child(ren) full time? With today society, how did you do it?
I'm deaf and yes, I'm a bachelor, never been married, and I been raising my daughter since she was 4. How did that ever happen? Well.... thats a long story but to make it short, she was a victim of abused at her mother's house from her mother new boyfriend. Once she told me about it, I stood up and took her in. Yes, the fight was bitter and her mother side of family basically called my daughter a liar. Only me and my family stood up and protected my daughter. But at the end, I won! Now, once I started raising my daughter alone, I knew this wasn't going to be an easy task. But along the way, I learned alot! We have such a strong communication and we became very close. Today, she is 11 and she helped me out so much. She let me know if someone is at the door, she would help me with the phone issue, let people know that I'm deaf, and more. She has matured so much and yet, very often, I have to bring her down and let her be a kid. We became best friend yet, I still have to be a parent making sure she does the right thing. I only gave her few rules. She can have all the privileges as long she respect the adults and her peers, bring good grades from school, and just like any other kids, do the chores! Lol.
So ...... Lets hear from other deaf who been raising their kid(s)!

 

[DeafCaroline]

I raised two kids on my own with no child support since I was 20 and very very little support from family. It wasn't easy. Lots of patience and lots of humour required!

 

[crazy]

Amen to DeafCaroline! Patience is the key! I told my ex that I don't want child support simply because I want nothing to do with her. To have Humors with child(ren) is a MUST! Its a wonderful way to developed bonding with them! Did your children help you out once they got bit older?

 

[rockin'robin]

Good luck to you!....Now, get ready for those "teenage years"...she's 11 now, right?....She may or may not give you a battle of wits in a few years. It's all a part of growing up, having their own opinions of things, doing their own thing, and rebelling at the rules....

I'm a single deaf lady of 3 hearing boys (adopted at age 6, 8 and 11), now they are 19, 16 and 14....I worked part-time also. It's a full time job of keeping on top of them, laying down the rules and absolutely sticking to them, no excuses. I've never spoiled or "coddled" my boys. And I do not "depend" upon my boys, since I'm deaf and they are hearing.....I believe that's a mistake many deaf parents of hearing children make.

I suggest meeting her friends and their parents (at all times), making a rule that she is to call or email whenever you allow her to spend the night with a friend, basically, keeping in touch at all times. I never let my boys spend the night out if I know that the parents drink or do drugs......Set a firm bedtime hour during the school months....cleaning her own room daily, and reward her for doing chores around the house. A "yes mamm/yes sir" should be mandatory (it is in my house), and respect at all times. I do not "demand" respect, I "expect it".

All in all, raising a child or children isn't an easy job, it takes a lot of patience.

 

[DeafCaroline]

They did help me out but I tried very hard not to rely on them too much and only asked for their help if I had no other options. Yeah, what robin said, wait till they're teenagers...hee boy. They can sneak out and you'd never hear them.

 

[Dixie]

I am currently raising a daughter of my own with the help of my family and trying to figure out a way to make things better for ourselves. It's not easy when the hearing keeps putting obstacles in your way and the fact that even though my family has helped tremendously, they have little faith in me. Right now I am working 6 days a week on a farm with two years of college education behind me and a willingness to finish the last two for completion of my Bachelor's Degree in English Education. I had to 'stop-out' from my studies due to financial hardship.

I also do not receive any child support nor has my ex-husband ever made contact with us since the split. No birthday cards, no Christmas cards, nothing from my DD's father. As bad as the marriage was, I am thinking it is better off this way. She doesn't need him in her life as badly as he treated me while we were married. Thankfully she was very young when we divorced. The last time she saw her father, she was 4 months old. She is now 7 years old.

It's been rough to say the least, but I've learned to get myself a network of friends that will support me and help when needed. Downside is, if you're in a rural area such as myself, it can be hard to find support.

Kudos to you for stepping up to the plate and being a real man and a real daddy to your daughter. As I believe, anyone can be a sperm donor and fill in the 'father' line on the birth certificate, but it takes a real man to be called 'Daddy'.

I never had a good relationship with my father (it's volatile at best), and now I feel guilty that my DD won't get to have a relationship at all with her father or at least someone she can call 'Daddy' that will love and respect us and understand that, my DD and I are a 'package deal', you can't take just one and leave the other.

 

[RachelRene]

I am a single parent of an almost 3 yo (wow, how did he get so big so fast?!). I left an abusive partner when he was 5 weeks old, and have been on my own ever since. It's not easy, for sure, and there are times I get very frustrated and overwhelmed... especially because right now I'm working from home, and we don't have child care. But this last year I have finished my Master's degree, and am hoping that things will start to get a little bit easier, money-wise at least.

I've noticed things like... he tells me when there's someone at the door, or if something's going on. He literally points my face in the direction I need to be looking, or pulls me to the door. He knows when I'm wearing my aids, and when I'm not, and he changes how he gets my attention accordingly. The other day, he stomped on the floor to get my attention! (where did he learn that?)

My biggest challenge and worry right now is communication... I have functioned in a hearing world all of my life by lip reading and (let's face it) by faking it. I had started learning ASL a few years ago and had gotten up to pretty decent conversational level, but I haven't had anyone to sign with for over 5 years now... and my hearing has deteriorated from a moderate loss to sever, and I've been told to expect the deterioration to continue. I did basic signs with Jayden from the time he was born (despite my family's strong objections, but that's another story), but I have forgotten so much that there's a lot I'm not teaching him.

I've been told he isn't speaking as much as he should, but the words he does speak... I miss them. The more he speaks, the less I understand him. And he's not signing as much as he used to... I worry a little bit for us.

I also don't ever want him to feel like he's stuck in a caretaker role for me. I'm fiercely independent and hate the thought of relying on ANYONE, but especially my kid... but it seems to happen anyway. As I've said, he tells me when someone's at the door. He tries to repeat things people say to me, as if that's going to help me understand...

Kudos to all you other single parents out there.

 

[RachelRene]

I tried posting yesterday, but it hasn't showed up yet... It said it was awaiting moderation, so in case it does appear at some point in the future, I won't re-type everything I said...

But I will give all the single parents here a big kudos... It's certainly not easy.

And Dixie... hang in there. The most important thing is that your DD has YOU, who loves her and supports her. And I know how hard it is to find support in rural areas--I was in Montana, in the middle of nowhere. Eek. I wish you luck!

 

[kareema78]

hoh single mother

Im amazed at how many stories are so similar to mine. I am raising my son alone because his father has been unstable and eventually just left the state. My son knows ASL despite his fathers families objections. It has helped to improve our relationship and enables me to enable him so he can comminicate his needs. Its been a long road on our own with very little support but Im finishing collage and doing the best we can
i think being a single deaf parent is unique. I find i am more protective over his daily where abouts than my single parent friends. I do not depend on him but he often does things to help me like tell me if someones at the door or if something is making a funny noise. He also likes the way we have our own secret language when we go out. I think it means we have a strong bond and were going it alone so we have to stick togetjer. At the same time rules, rules, and respect are a must! Maybw I expect more than my hearing friends with my son because it will be much harder to correct when he gets older bc I know I wont hear everything.

Cheers to all you single parents stepping up to the plate!!! Salute!