Deaf Parent/Hearing child

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mtnlady

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I am deaf mother and my child is hearing, all grown up, the only things that my child got away with it and my family allowed it, I am only one deaf in my family. My son always called them and talked to them, not me. (he can text msg to me) Why? When I found out, I asked them why? My mom said there is nothing to say. I am so shocked and very disgusting. And found out my sister was in other rooms so I could not see to read lips. What kinds of family is this? Hey I thought I have a right to know what is going with my son and if he did not want to communicate with me, why communicate with my family? I was upset because my son told my husband that he wants to kill him, which means he really hate him. So my hubby told me what happen. I sent text msg to my son, i told him go head to kill him, go find the gun and kill him, If I ever find out that is my hubby dead, I will call the cop. Why do you say that? That was not very nice, that is no way to treat my husband or anybody. That is the threat, if you say it somebody will find you and kill so don't ever say it. You are really hurt my feeling. He have not talked to me since last year, only time he says happy mothers day this year. I just learned that my family was behind my back. Why they do that? I could not believe it and my family makes me sick now.
 
That's sad. Did you and your son ever communicate in ASL? Please seek therapy for you own well being (and it set a good example for your son too). There is one in FL that designed HOH and deaf people. You may have to get away from them since they are not being honest with you. You have every right to feel included and this is very sad. This seem like this whole situation is affecting you.
 
I agree with A. I can see that you do care about your son. Have you ever try to stay calm and talk to him and let him know how you feel in a calm talk instead of attacking each other. Just let him know to see if he's ready to have a good talk with you in a calm room. im sorry about your situation. =?
 
mtnlady said:
I am deaf mother and my child is hearing, all grown up, the only things that my child got away with it and my family allowed it, I am only one deaf in my family. My son always called them and talked to them, not me. (he can text msg to me) Why? When I found out, I asked them why? My mom said there is nothing to say. I am so shocked and very disgusting. And found out my sister was in other rooms so I could not see to read lips. What kinds of family is this? Hey I thought I have a right to know what is going with my son and if he did not want to communicate with me, why communicate with my family? I was upset because my son told my husband that he wants to kill him, which means he really hate him. So my hubby told me what happen. I sent text msg to my son, i told him go head to kill him, go find the gun and kill him, If I ever find out that is my hubby dead, I will call the cop. Why do you say that? That was not very nice, that is no way to treat my husband or anybody. That is the threat, if you say it somebody will find you and kill so don't ever say it. You are really hurt my feeling. He have not talked to me since last year, only time he says happy mothers day this year. I just learned that my family was behind my back. Why they do that? I could not believe it and my family makes me sick now.
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Oh, my goodness..I'm very sorry to see that truly awful happen to you. I don't understand why they are treating you like this. I'm telling you honest that I had met (introduced by my hearing friends who knew some sign language) this mean hearing guy named Ray (I think, it's been long time ago) at the Roller Rink where my friends and I used to hang out every weekend. He worked there and his parents were hearing impaired as I was told by my friends. Ray was being mean to me and making fun of me due to my deafness (my "deaf" voice). He doesn't know any sign language, he just refused. Unbelievable -his parents are deaf! Probably orally too. That's what I said to him like what was his problem and why was he being mean to me because I'm deaf? I told him it made no sense and calling him a fuck-up heartless deaf hater and he said yeah and also said that he wish his parents are dead. I couldn't believe it....there must be something really wrong with him. That's why I lost respect and hated him so much for his being and had been avoided him at the Roller Rink.
The odd thing is, I've met many wonderful CODAs (hearing children of deaf parents) and they do sign language very well. Half of them happen to be interpreters.
 
I have wonder if my hearing son resent my deafness as well. We don't know ASL and he does get frustrated with me. It's annoying.

I think the real problem is how hearing people treat CODAs and they resent that. I mean it is bad enough how hearing treat us, but worst for CODAs because they hearing who act and talk like deaf people.

Of course, There are other things they resent... like being their ears all the time. We really need try not to depend on hearing kids to terp what hearing people are saying all the time. Use pen and paper if you can.
 
Lots to be said on this subject.....I'm deaf with 3 hearing sons. And I made it a "point" never to depend upon them when communicating with others. I'm sure I've embarrassed them at times over this. Especially the school principal, when he found out I was deaf, ignored me, and started asking my son the questions....I stood up.....not to be ignored, as I was the adult and the mother.

Hearing children of deaf parent(s) get by with a lot....loud music, late night phone calls, profane language, the list goes on and on.....Even one of my neighbors awhile back said to my son..."I feel sorry for you, ur mother is hearing impaired"......but I was very proud of my son, as he did not reply to her and just merely walked off! He told me about it....Of course, it made me feel somewhat "hurt"....so I asked my son if it bothered him, and he said "No."...So I let it go, leaving it to "ignorance" on the neighbors part! But I've never forgotten it.....

MY sons are now teenagers, and going thru a "difficult time" of their lives. It's a tedious job raising any child. Deaf or hearing.....I think back when myself, was a teenager....and what I went thru....and apply the example if it coincides with what is going on at the time.

I don't know how old the OP's son is.....or why he "hates" his father and wants to do harm to him....seems he has a lot of "anger" within and needs to find a release from it all.....The family may think they have the "best intentions" for her son, since she can't hear....which is very common among hearing families with 1 deaf person.....I would not let this go on any longer....(his not being in touch with you)....I would call, text....whatever, several times a week...just to let him know you love him and are there for him....keep in touch with ur son, it's very important, no matter how old he is....take him out to Lunch!...NO arguing, just be happy!....Hopefully, sooner or later, ur son will warm up to you more....it takes patience!.....
 
Thank you rockin'robin! Well that is very, very difficult for me to explain it over here. It would be a lot easier if I talk to you in person but not on here. If you guys understand that, it is hard to explain it here.

I did took my son to hiking and went to Rollerblade and watch movie "Avatar", seems to enjoy it that day but didn't really deep enough to talk about because my son brought his girlfriend with him. I assume maybe sooner or later, he might open it up to talk about it. I will try my best to explain to him to warm up and build the relationship again.

As I said that my mom said there is nothing to say, so later on, I asked her why you do that to me? I told her that If that is my son on the phone, I would like to know what is going on, etc. You know what my mom said? She said "I don't need your permission to talk about your son, I want to talk to your son too, he is my grandson". I was so shocked and full of hurt, I don't think she understand my deafness fully. So I lost my trust to my family because of what they are doing to me, I don't get it. At this point, I stop talking to them and giving them in the dark as well as they are doing to me.

Yea you guys are right, they are making worse for me, it makes me feel like run away and hide where I can not be found. I know this is not helping but I felt like there's a way to point it out to my parent. I wish there is a movie which is similar to what happen to me, it would hit my parent's head "Duh" That is what you guys are doing to me! You know.........GEEEZ
 
A said:
I have wonder if my hearing son resent my deafness as well. We don't know ASL and he does get frustrated with me. It's annoying.

I think the real problem is how hearing people treat CODAs and they resent that. I mean it is bad enough how hearing treat us, but worst for CODAs because they hearing who act and talk like deaf people.

Of course, There are other things they resent... like being their ears all the time. We really need try not to depend on hearing kids to terp what hearing people are saying all the time. Use pen and paper if you can.
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Yea, I am profound deaf now but I do talk well like hard of hearing, my son is hearing. When he was little, I teach him sign but while he is learning the sign, my ex husband was discrimination to him for using wrong sign, my son was only 7 or 8 that times. My son decided not to use the sign languages to his dad bec he was mean to him, I also tried to sign to him but he reject. So later I found out why. I let it go till he is ready to sign again. I always show him the correct why, I never say you are wrong wrong, I just show him the correct way and continue to conversation

I also I learned that some hearing kids don't listen their parent's advise because they are deaf. So they asked someone else for the advise. For example, car insurance, when hearing kids get car accident or financial problem, they asked them but not us, we do know the car insurance to pay for someone's who got hurt. They didn't asked me, problem with financial like credit card, I do know a lot about credit card, didn't asked me. Because I am deaf and stupid? I have a very good credit card history, what is the problem?
 
I didn't mean to say hide from them. I do not support that. I mean to take a break and let them think about it. Kinda like an alcoholic father, and how people need to get out of the situation and get therapy. The father sometimes get better and realized what he is doing, while the people who used live with him get better as well. emotionally wise.
 
A said:
That's sad. Did you and your son ever communicate in ASL? Please seek therapy for you own well being (and it set a good example for your son too). There is one in FL that designed HOH and deaf people. You may have to get away from them since they are not being honest with you. You have every right to feel included and this is very sad. This seem like this whole situation is affecting you.
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Do they have one in CA? I have no idea. I mean the CODA?
 
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mtnlady said:
Yea, I am profound deaf now but I do talk well like hard of hearing, my son is hearing. When he was little, I teach him sign but while he is learning the sign, my ex husband was discrimination to him for using wrong sign, my son was only 7 or 8 that times. My son decided not to use the sign languages to his dad bec he was mean to him, I also tried to sign to him but he reject. So later I found out why. I let it go till he is ready to sign again. I always show him the correct why, I never say you are wrong wrong, I just show him the correct way and continue to conversation

I also I learned that some hearing kids don't listen their parent's advise because they are deaf. So they asked someone else for the advise. For example, car insurance, when hearing kids get car accident or financial problem, they asked them but not us, we do know the car insurance to pay for someone's who got hurt. They didn't asked me, problem with financial like credit card, I do know a lot about credit card, didn't asked me. Because I am deaf and stupid? I have a very good credit card history, what is the problem?
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Does your son know how you feel? I think that's probably why your son is so angry with his dad. He was hurting the relationship between you and him . Here he was, trying to bond with you and his dad step in and interfer. It is not healthy. As well not able to bond with him either because he is so mean.
 
mtnlady said:
Do they have one in CA? I have no idea. I mean the CODA?
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I know Coda - children of deaf adults. I'll look and see if there is one in California. This will be a healing process for the whole family.
 
A said:
Does your son know how you feel? I think that's probably why your son is so angry with his dad. He was hurting the relationship between you and him . Here he was, trying to bond with you and his dad step in and interfer. It is not healthy. As well not able to bond with him either because he is so mean.
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I dont know if he knows how I feel, like I said we didnt go that deep yet. That is why I was divorced him, the first one. That was my 2nd husband I m talking about, sorry for the confused. Both my ex and husband are mean to my son. I don t know why? Jealous? But one or two I do know that is a mistake but that was 8 years ago, can they let it go? I don t know, if they are willing to let it go?
 
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