I met my girlfriend in a chatroom in six years ago. After we both got tired of the juvenile chat--ironically for senior citizens 50 and 60 years old--we kept in touch.
After once-a-month notes for three years, we began talking more frequently and one Thanksgiving I came out here to Oregon to meet. It went so well, I came back for Christmas-New Year, then a week in the spring, then a couple of weeks in the summer. Then I transferred here to Oregon, and things are going quite well.
The problem I have with deaf-hearing relationships in the last seven years is a reapeating scenerio: when the newness wears off, the hearing person finds she has to make considerable adjustments.
1. Despite the initial "wonder" of my "magical" ability to speech-read, the reality sets in that it's never with 100% accuracy (closer to 75% one-to-one and goes down sharply with more people in the conversation) and misunderstandings happen.
2. She needs to learn ASL (or SEE). At first, it's fun and exciting. After a month or so, it becomes hard work and the learning curve gets ever flatter.
3. At first, I'm always a hit with her friends. Then more and more they tend to leave me out of conversations at gatherings, because hearies only think they speak one-to-one on social occasions, when in fact they all talk at once, chattering over each other on multiple subjects going on at the same time. Most don't want to change this excitement to talk one at a time so the deafie can hear.
4. About that time, someone raises the ugly suggestion that if the deafie would only try harder, things would be okay.
5. The next ugly specter is that the deafie can really hear. Someone always thinks it's cute to whistle or make a noise behind me. If I turn by coincidence even one time, it's proof positive in his or her tiny mind that I can really hear.
The fact of the matter is I've studied Tae Kwan Do, a martial art teaching one to always check behind. I'm an NRA personal protection instructor; we teach to check behind you. I've always found someone want's to add "just one more thing," so it's habit now to turn back when I walk away. So it's not really coincidence that I turn to see some jerk whistling or barking "Chase . . . Chase . . . Chase . . ." like a yappy little dog.
In my experience, all this is part of the his-her relationship, and it's difficult for both.
Those are just a few reasons that if my present relationship doesn't work out (which it is at this time), I will probably never date another hearie again.
Just my feelings from the last seven years dating hearing women.
