Deaf culture ?'s

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faire_jour

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So, my daughter is Deaf and we are trying to raise her as part of the Deaf community.
Her 5th birthday party is Monday, I sent out invitations 3 weeks ago with my number and e-mail for RSVP. NO ONE has responded. This happened last year too. Kids show up, but I never know how many. Is this a culture thing or are our friends just rude?
Also, one of my daughter's best friends lives only a few blocks away. Her grandmother (also Deaf) will just bring her by and drop her off to play. She doesn't call or ask if it is ok first. Then she disappears! We try to bring her home, but when we text her she doesn't respond or tells us she isn't home yet. We don't know what to do or how to bring it up.
Give me some cultural insight please!
 
Whether or not it is a cultural thing, but still, it is rude and inconsiderate for one to leave their children with other people without asking them first if it was OK. As for inviting to birthday parties, they should let you know in advance, how many were going.

The next time your daughter's friend comes by, tell her friend that you would like to speak to her grandmother. If that doesn't work, do a short note and have the friend to give it to her grandmother.
 
My neighbor was complaining about the same thing recently. She sent out invites. No one RSVP'ed. Hearie party.
 
I figured these were individual problems not a hearing/Deaf thing

I just wanted to make sure I'm not missing something!
 
I don't think it is related to deafness - in general, many people nowdays do not have manners. It sounds like the grandmother is taking advantage of you - and she needs to be put back in her place.

Have you tried calling or emailing the people you invited to follow-up and see if they plan to come?
 
Well, it's probably a social norm for your area... it usually varies.

I've attended parties where a lot of people didn't RSVP. They simply just showed up.

As for dropping off the girl unannounced, that is rude. When someone drops off a kid at your place, he/she needs to schedule when to pick her up or when you can take her home. You aren't a daycare. :(
 
I don't think either is a deaf thing either
I agree with the other posters ... dropping the child of with you sounds like someone who (on the bright side ) trusts you with their child's wellbeing (which is nice) - however taking advantage of it is rude .... I think that might be a generational thing the grandmother had - ie, there are many of us who (younger or older) grew up in physical communities where neighbours cared for each other's kids with little or no notice - it was a norm of the community (not deaf community - just our physical neighourhood) Regardless of the reasons, it's still rude, and needs to be carefully addressed.

On a cultural note - considering it's the grandmother, there was a time, not too long ago (in fact I didn't get my first tty until I was 18years old, and I'm 30 - and it cost me 400$, which was alot of money when you're making 6$/hour and living on your own) when many deaf/hh couldn't afford or didn't have access to TTY and relay systems (and this it pre pager&email) - so it wasn't uncommon (or considered rude) to just drop by other deaf people's homes - since really what other choice did you have ?? you couldn't call each other, so you either set up appointments wellllllll in advance, or you just "appeared", if people were home, great, if not you hopped back in the car and tried again next week... *sigh*

About the RSVP ... That's just today's society I think,, in fact I'm embarrassed to say that I've done the same thing ( not RSVP'd back, but attended- I read the RSVP, then put it in my calender and forgot until the reminder went off ! ooops!) - it's not a deaf/hearing thing ... it's just a busy world thing. Don't read anything personal into it ... perhaps call/email/text those families and just ask them if they were going to be able to come?

BTW - as a hh/d person who was forced to grow up oral only (I asked repeatedly to learn ASL and was told no) ... I just wanted to say thank you for doing this for your daughter ! It's not an easy road - but your giving your daughter what I dreamed of - a choice !
 
No, it is not a Deaf culture thing. We just had a surprise bday party for a friend and many people RSVPed and all were Deaf.
 
RVSP first and need to know how many people coming to party and let know then enough food to provide. Otherwise no food to feed the people. Nope, this is not Deaf culture no. That was not manner and drop the kids off then shoo off. Thats shame for just drop and shoo off! Not nice thou!
 
Interesting how people would just assume that it's okay to drop their kids off without discussing it with the host.

In the past when parties were and still is being hosted at our house, deaf and hearing alike would RSVP, I don't seem to have a problem with knowing how many peeps are coming.
 
I agree, being rude and being inconsiderate are not a D/deaf culture thing it is a character flaw.

While it may be awkward, I would address the lady who just drops off her child. Maybe angle it from a safety perspective - What if we are not home?, What if some pervert sees her before we know she was dropped off? and so on. Ask that she accompany her granddaughter to your door to make sure you are there and available to play. 5 years old is way to young to just dump out on the sidewalk and drive away.

The RSVP problem is all over. Most folks today do not make it a point to teach social politenesses like RSVP'ing and thank you notes and such.
 
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