Dating after Divorce

deafbajagal

deafbajagal

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How do you know when it is time to start dating again after a divorce? When do you learn to trust again? Is learning to trust again even possible?
 
I was dating my husband after divorce. We didn't rush to get marry because we had bad experience with his divorce and my divorce. We know our feeling each other.
 
My divorce turns a year in July. I say never. I am still at the stage where all men suck.
 
it varies on individual when they're ready to date or not after divorced....Some of the people don't want to get marry again when they were already divorced, some would wanna marry again when they're divorced. it varies on individuals.
 
When the time comes and you realize you don't feel hostility to men.
 
You'll be ready when you know it, It's important have the time to heal before you jump back into the dating game.
 
To some people, trust or not trust becomes a defense mechanism, usually right in the beginning of the first contact. One big cavent is that for this to work requires a LOT of experience and or very deep insights into people. I kid you not - it was two days ago that I actually 'clicked' in a small way on understanding this idea (I cant remember what I was thnking about) I just think about things - Trust is one of thing I ponder on alot and always trying to mentally re-write my meanings for these things I think about.

Like I knew my feelings but also have to know (or learn to) when and where to look for clues to be on alert for when i should consider going ahead or not. I thought about this idea "trust" especially how to use experience to size up people and rely on hunch to discern whether I should trust or not.

So you could apply some of it as you are now bit more jaded about how men want to impress you, but its very difficult because there seem a fine line between being receptive and quietly making assessments without getting emotionally clouded. I dont think trust is anything to do with emotion, its a more "you have to work this out yourself" sorry my bad but it’s really not easily worded - be it intuition, hunch, intelligence, emotional intelligence, circumstances, and a 'does this adds up?' type of consideration.

For me, I went full circle, learn not to trust then understanding what not trusting is, get fed up with not getting ahead because I was hding in the cave then decide to trust anyway but understanding better about what is trustworthy and when to apply it while all this in cycle, I know better when to trust or not trust. I suppose its being able to put this into perspective.

Dont feel get duped or feel pressured to believe you have to trust a person to be in a (new) relationship, this is like telling yourself to trust but you may not trust this person! and the other way around. Sorry if I'm making this worse.
Lastly maybe you used the word 'trust' to describe your past naivety -mistaken for trust.
Very easy to do. even i still do it., its like do it but stop! and think every now and then.
 
Last edited:
deafbajagal said:
How do you know when it is time to start dating again after a divorce? When do you learn to trust again? Is learning to trust again even possible?
Click to expand...

Well, I don't think anyone knows when it time to start dating after divorce or death of a spouse. But I can tell you that let your heart tell you when you are ready to start dating again and trust. It takes time to feel secure to trust someone. . It’s important to remember that a divorce is a serious life event and that it may require a time to heal before you re-enter the dating scene. So, give yourself time to heal first. I think you be fine. :wave::cool2:
 
Honey it is possible to trust again - that is what I have learned after my divorce.

You are the only one who will know when you are READY to trust a man again - I thought I would never be ready again but I did find myself being ready again.


Dating after divorce was a struggle for me yes because I was scarred by the previous experience but I was determined not to let my ex to control the rest of my life. He may have scarred me MOMENTARILY but not for rest of my life :)


HUGS
 
Ewww, yes its hard to trust or let anyone in after divorce. I want to be with person again and have marriage- but I am still scared and feel of all that like a frightened child again.

As another perspective in this topic is ironically, my sister's husband died just days before Christmas in vehicle crash 4 yrs ago and this Saturday she is getting married!!! :applause: She was very closed off for long time and seems like in just last 14 months she moved very quickly to decision to want to get married again, find someone, and get engaged. I am very happy for my neice and nephew to have "father" figure/adult around more now. I helped fill that void for few years and now I think I will be sad. I love to teach them spanish. I also teach them some sign as I learn.
 
hohDougRN said:
Ewww, yes its hard to trust or let anyone in after divorce. I want to be with person again and have marriage- but I am still scared and feel of all that like a frightened child again.

As another perspective in this topic is ironically, my sister's husband died just days before Christmas in vehicle crash 4 yrs ago and this Saturday she is getting married!!! :applause: She was very closed off for long time and seems like in just last 14 months she moved very quickly to decision to want to get married again, find someone, and get engaged. I am very happy for my neice and nephew to have "father" figure/adult around more now. I helped fill that void for few years and now I think I will be sad. I love to teach them spanish. I also teach them some sign as I learn.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. I'm glad to know that she was able to move on from that experience. Kudos to Uncle Doug (I'm guessing that's your name, lol) for teaching your neices and nephews Spanish and sign language. :)
 
Gemma said:
Honey it is possible to trust again - that is what I have learned after my divorce.

You are the only one who will know when you are READY to trust a man again - I thought I would never be ready again but I did find myself being ready again.


Dating after divorce was a struggle for me yes because I was scarred by the previous experience but I was determined not to let my ex to control the rest of my life. He may have scarred me MOMENTARILY but not for rest of my life :)


HUGS
Click to expand...

Thanks for reminding me not to let him "control" me with this experience.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
Well, I don't think anyone knows when it time to start dating after divorce or death of a spouse. But I can tell you that let your heart tell you when you are ready to start dating again and trust. It takes time to feel secure to trust someone. . It’s important to remember that a divorce is a serious life event and that it may require a time to heal before you re-enter the dating scene. So, give yourself time to heal first. I think you be fine. :wave::cool2:
Click to expand...

Thanks for the encouragement. ;)
 
Grummer said:
To some people, trust or not trust becomes a defense mechanism, usually right in the beginning of the first contact. One big cavent is that for this to work requires a LOT of experience and or very deep insights into people. I kid you not - it was two days ago that I actually 'clicked' in a small way on understanding this idea (I cant remember what I was thnking about) I just think about things - Trust is one of thing I ponder on alot and always trying to mentally re-write my meanings for these things I think about.

Like I knew my feelings but also have to know (or learn to) when and where to look for clues to be on alert for when i should consider going ahead or not. I thought about this idea "trust" especially how to use experience to size up people and rely on hunch to discern whether I should trust or not.

So you could apply some of it as you are now bit more jaded about how men want to impress you, but its very difficult because there seem a fine line between being receptive and quietly making assessments without getting emotionally clouded. I dont think trust is anything to do with emotion, its a more "you have to work this out yourself" sorry my bad but it’s really not easily worded - be it intuition, hunch, intelligence, emotional intelligence, circumstances, and a 'does this adds up?' type of consideration.

For me, I went full circle, learn not to trust then understanding what not trusting is, get fed up with not getting ahead because I was hding in the cave then decide to trust anyway but understanding better about what is trustworthy and when to apply it while all this in cycle, I know better when to trust or not trust. I suppose its being able to put this into perspective.

Dont feel get duped or feel pressured to believe you have to trust a person to be in a (new) relationship, this is like telling yourself to trust but you may not trust this person! and the other way around. Sorry if I'm making this worse.
Lastly maybe you used the word 'trust' to describe your past naivety -mistaken for trust.
Very easy to do. even i still do it., its like do it but stop! and think every now and then.
Click to expand...


Somehow you knew exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks, Grum, for sharing your insight.
 
What can I say?

All I can say is to take your time and not to worry too much getting into dating. That'll come in due time when the timing's right.

I believe you'll know when it's time to let go of your baggage so that won't ruin any future relationships.

For now you and your girls come first.
 
Aye, Miss D. That sounds right to me too.

It has been 6 and half months since I got separated from the exhb. I believe you just know when you are ready to date again. Dont push yourself.
Maybe you could just go out with peeps for fun, nothing serious.. and learn from the process?
 
my parents got divorces when i was 9 years old.

my dad never get married again and he been dating several girls and he decide not get married in his 50's and my mom got remarried to my step-dad in 1994 till my step-dad got sick for least one years dues dialysis as failure of heart and kidney.I told my mom please dont get married again ever if my late step-dad would alives today.

my late grandma side of my dad's been married 5 times and that really crazy and she been dating several man after my grandparents got divorces when my dad was young and my dad dont love his own father very much! And i saw my grandfather boyce before he passes away in 2003 but i didnt go to his funeral.

my current grandma side of my mom's still remarried for 13 years but my grandma been widow for 19 years since my late Grandfather's pass away in 1976 and i told my grandma that my late grandfather still in spirit very much they wont forget about my late grandfather very much.

my aunt got remarried again to her second husband who lives in Indiana and my Aunt and my cousin moves to Indiana because of her husband kept of jobs in Indiana and her husband and their 3 kids cant moves to Arkansas what disappoint for my family and also my grandma too!
 
Aw, In a way I can relate to the dating game after a divorce. I'm divorced myself. I did ask myself the same exact question like you, deafbajagal. I also was wondering if I was ready for a relationship after the divorce. It's scary as hell. I was also afraid of getting hurt again and much less, to trust another person with my whole being. I was putting up a wall around me and I wasn't letting anyone to get "in" my heart. As time goes by, I started to ease up and was able to trust again. It took me a long time to overcome that.

So, I can't really answer your question as to when to start trusting again after the divorce. All I can say is - It is entirely up to you because you know yourself better than anyone else. For one, it takes quicker to trust someone but for another, it takes a long time to trust again.

Is learning to trust again even possible? Yes, it is possible. Only, you need to look within yourself to see if that is possible or not. Go with the flow and perhaps, better things can come out of this if possible.
 
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