Curious for an Opinion on relationships and kids involved into it

Casperman

Casperman

New Member
Joined
Aug 18, 2004
Messages
430
Reaction score
0
I was wondering.. i know ihavent divcored yet and have 2 wonderful sons anyone can ask for..... and i was wondering.. what if ya really loved someone and having relationship and they havent met your own kids yet then BOOM! one day met the kids and hated them or get fruasted with them and not used to get no atteiton while ya pay alot of atteion on those kids and dont want kids with yall the all the time etc just wanted to be alobe with you all the time have fun etc what will yall do? pick the kids or the life of ur love? thats what i am afriad of...

just wanted yalls opinon
 
I have two children and never been married. I've dated a lots of guys all of them knew I have two children. Some of them are not ready to settle down and be a "step father" figured. To be honest my kids comes with me in one whole package, if a guy cannot accept that, then he will not be in my life.

There gotta be some people out there who would want their own kids not someone else's kids. But on the other hands there are gotta be people out there who would accept the kids if they really love you, they will love your kids also. I guess it depends.

I don't let them meet my children right away, because I don't want to confused my children, I rather to wait until the time is right, if he is all that I've dreamed of being with, I will let him meet my children.
 
Casperman said:
I was wondering.. i know ihavent divcored yet and have 2 wonderful sons anyone can ask for..... and i was wondering.. what if ya really loved someone and having relationship and they havent met your own kids yet then BOOM! one day met the kids and hated them or get fruasted with them and not used to get no atteiton while ya pay alot of atteion on those kids and dont want kids with yall the all the time etc just wanted to be alobe with you all the time have fun etc what will yall do? pick the kids or the life of ur love? thats what i am afriad of...

just wanted yalls opinon
Click to expand...


IMPORTANT to have your honestly communication open with your children AND dating or girlfriends!! Let your children know how much you love the lady. They will adjust with her in few months. Give them more time. I am very lucky because I always had a good communication with my two sons. Let them know that I like someone else. They would be prepare to meet that man. They adjust very quickly because we went out together as entertrainment. If the lady accept your children which is great. My husband love my two sons. He treat them really wonderful. :)

Do not hide anything from your children. Let them know that you find a true love with someone. Good Luck ! ;) My sons call him, Dad :D
 
Thanxz for the replies

i agreed with yall.. my point was if they cant accept the kids with Autism and ADHD what shld i do? bec both boys required undivied attetion all the time not really all the time... that what i am afraid of if they dont like it then i will lose the love of my life if i ever find one... so, that really popping in my mind and thoughts often bec i always put them first in my life than others but NOW i need put myself first and starting to open myself to others it will be hard bec i rasied those boys since they was babies and dont know how to let them go ,,, I need learn how to let them go and make others learn to keep them while i running around LOl... there are many real friends of mine tellin me Casper, learn to live and make others learn to watch kids while i enjoy my freedom for while and live wildly LOl so im starting to do that little by little

Sabrina thanxs for the feedback.. havent seen ya in while
 
You mean as finding a babysitter while you go out on dates? If that's what you meant, Yeah you can get a babysitter for your children and go out and have fun once a while it doesn't hurt. I do that too.
 
Casperman said:
i agreed with yall.. my point was if they cant accept the kids with Autism and ADHD what shld i do? bec both boys required undivied attetion all the time not really all the time... that what i am afraid of if they dont like it then i will lose the love of my life if i ever find one... so, that really popping in my mind and thoughts often bec i always put them first in my life than others but NOW i need put myself first and starting to open myself to others it will be hard bec i rasied those boys since they was babies and dont know how to let them go ,,, I need learn how to let them go and make others learn to keep them while i running around LOl... there are many real friends of mine tellin me Casper, learn to live and make others learn to watch kids while i enjoy my freedom for while and live wildly LOl so im starting to do that little by little

Sabrina thanxs for the feedback.. havent seen ya in while
Click to expand...

Fuck them if they are not accept for who your children are. Find someone else... Your children are more priority than anything else.

You need to find someone who can you trust him/her to take care of your children while you are going out somewhere places. You need sometime break for few hours which is a good for your mental and physical.
 
Dependent children must come first.

A real "love of my life" will understand and be patient.
A false "love of my life" will be selfish and demand to be Number 1.

Don't accept a false one.

BTW, some awkwardness or stress at first meeting is natural. That can be overcome. I am talking about continued bad feelings between the "love" and the kids. That is no good. The children are most important.
 
Reba said:
Dependent children must come first.

A real "love of my life" will understand and be patient.
A false "love of my life" will be selfish and demand to be Number 1.

Don't accept a false one.

BTW, some awkwardness or stress at first meeting is natural. That can be overcome. I am talking about continued bad feelings between the "love" and the kids. That is no good. The children are most important.
Click to expand...


I agree Reba! You said it a lot better than I could. ;)
 
Cheri said:
I agree Reba! You said it a lot better than I could. ;)
Click to expand...
You said it fine. I was just adding my two cents. :)
 
Can I say something?
I don't have kids on my own but I do treat my nephews as if they are my kids- I am dating, and my nephews met him, and they love him because he is very good with kids. We even took them out to bowling one time. We have been talking about taking them to Chuckie E. Cheese at some point. My boyfriend don't care if they have ADD or ADHD- love is more important than disablity. We also spend time with them playing video games which are good too.
 
I'm agree with most of your posts here especially Sabrina. You made an excellence post, Sabrina. Communicate is a important KEY.

If a lady accept your children, it proves that she really love you and love your children, no matter what.

If a lady doesn't accept children, then forget her because the children come first.

And other side:

I know it's not easy for a lot of children to accept new partner in their parent's life but they have to learn to accept/respect their parent's new love. Like what Sabrina says, communicate is a KEY.

A lady has the right to know that you has children if you are sure she is one, you want to spent rest of your life. It's great if she accept your children but give your children time to accept her. Communicate and patience is a key to convince your children that a lady is love in your life and let your children know that they are important in your life.
 
Reba said:
Dependent children must come first.

A real "love of my life" will understand and be patient.
A false "love of my life" will be selfish and demand to be Number 1.

Don't accept a false one.

BTW, some awkwardness or stress at first meeting is natural. That can be overcome. I am talking about continued bad feelings between the "love" and the kids. That is no good. The children are most important.
Click to expand...


Do you mean the parents have to give their love life up because their children say so? Do I understand you correct?
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Do you mean the parents have to give their love life up because their children say so? Do I understand you correct?
Click to expand...

No, it's more of like if the love of his life doesn't accept his children or wanting to be first before his children, then she not worth keeping....

When someone has children, it should be ALL in ONE package, but if the children dislike the woman he's with because they rather him stay with their mother, then that will be another issue....He should do whatever he wants as long as his love of his life accept his children as her own....
 
^Angel^ said:
No, it's more of like if the love of his life doesn't accept his children or wanting to be first before his children, then she not worth keeping....

When someone has children, it should be ALL in ONE package, but if the children dislike the woman he's with because they rather him stay with their mother, then that will be another issue....He should do whatever he wants as long as his love of his life accept his children as her own....
Click to expand...


Thank you for explanation. :hug:

Yes, I'm agree with Reba.
 
Open the communcation and let them (your children) introduce..
and also let your woman know that you have 2 children and who has ADHD/Autsim too.. If your woman feel not comfy.. then too bad.. *dump'em* until find right woman for you and accept part of your life due your children really needs challenge. Woman showned how much love more anything for you and your children too..

If I were you.. Take slow down and until when ready become seriouis relationship... Don't let your children confused why you're different woman.. I suggest you best dating for few wks if you feel comfy bring your woman into your house.. Let your children know.. who she is.. blah blah.. whatever.. If your woman accept part of your life.. *perfect solution*

Wishes you have great luck and hunting right bait woman!
*chuckles*

I have 1 older son who has ADHD. *sigh*, he is teenager wost of my nightmare and kept patience goes through w/him* :D I have three children right now... :D
 
^Angel^ said:
What is ADHD?... :dunno:
Click to expand...

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
http://add.about.com/


Casperman, I would recommend to read this link. I posted there because my son is ADD (Attention Defict Disorder) but I know ADHD is the worst than ADD. My son was born to have ADD... I noticed something wrong with him when he was 6 months old but doctors said it's normal. Okay, I noticed again when he was toddler... Doctor said again, wait until he is 6 years old... so I went other doctor for second opinion. Yes, it's ADD. Therapies, teachers, counsellors & I work together to improve my son's behavior for over 2 years. He's 12 years old and don't show ADD behavior anymore. He doesn't need help anymore. Yes, it's work hard but it's worth.

http://www.alldeaf.com/showthread.php?t=8081


ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
http://www.therapistfinder.net/Attention-Deficit-Disorder/ADHD-Children.html
 
Last edited:
Liebling:-))) said:
Do you mean the parents have to give their love life up because their children say so? Do I understand you correct?
Click to expand...
They aren't both the kids' parents. We were discussing one parent, single, divorced or widowed, in a dating situation.

If a parent's "love life" doesn't conflict with the children's lives, then that can be OK. But if the "significant other" doesn't accept the children, or is a bad influence on the children, or forces the parent to "make a choice", then sorry, but the children MUST come first. (And I am talking about minor children, not grown up children)

The kids should not suffer just because they don't have mom and dad together. It's not the kids' fault. Life is hard enough for them without two parents. They don't need the extra burden of a stranger turning their family upside-down.

Again, if the kids and the "other person" get along fine with each other, then there is no conflict. But if the parent needs to "make a choice"--well, the kids are the choice.
 
Casperman said:
I was wondering.. i know ihavent divcored yet and have 2 wonderful sons anyone can ask for..... and i was wondering.. what if ya really loved someone and having relationship and they havent met your own kids yet then BOOM! one day met the kids and hated them or get fruasted with them and not used to get no atteiton while ya pay alot of atteion on those kids and dont want kids with yall the all the time etc just wanted to be alobe with you all the time have fun etc what will yall do? pick the kids or the life of ur love? thats what i am afriad of...

just wanted yalls opinon
Click to expand...
Hi< Casperman and my real name is zara and member of all deaf.com is sekhmet. u can look up my profile if u want to. I am really excite to hear from u soon.
 
Back
Top