Cooperation with my 18-month old deaf boy

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kat05

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My 18-month old profoundly deaf boy has started making huge tantrums, not taking no for an answer, wanting to get his own way in everything etc. I had the same problem with my elder hearing boy but I just hoped that by explaining him, things would eventually turn out OK (as they did). However, iin the case of my deaf boy I do not know whether it's his hearing loss, his personality, his desire to explore (he recently started walking with some help) and I am concerned that he wants to communicate and gets dissapointed. I do sign to him but there are times that it does not work either.
I have the same problem when I try to "educate" him, learn him new signs, or when I try to get him notice my lips. Although I try not to push him, I get really frustrated. Not having any deaf person in my environment makes me not to know what to expect, what to watch for etc. Any ideas?
 
It can be both. It probably is.
Have you thought of getting professional help, like a therapist
specializing in deaf children?

Fuzzy
 
Unfortunately, in our island there is no such therapist, just speech therapist (we see one twice a week) who has some expertise on special education in general. I am also concerned about discipline matters, since he cannot hear "NO". For the time being, I sign "NO" for it but it just won't do.
 
Well, there is many ways to say "no" - apart from signing "no", there is body language- you can show it with your facial expression,
you can sit your child down for a 1.5 minute as a discipline
the way it is done on the TV show Supernanny - the thing is to keep visual contact eye to eye
which I realize might be very difficult but very important all the same.

I suppose what matter is to be consistent in your disciplining.


I am thinking eventually all the hearing child hears is verbal "NO",
so perhaps it is okay to keep signing visual "no" to a deaf child as well.
I suppose the way you sign it makes a difference, too.
Soft, calm "no" is different than coming down a sharp, hard "NO!" ?

Perhaps others will have more suggestions and better ideas?

Fuzzy
 
Oh my, they are all the same aren't they? :giggle:

First of all, relax!! Your kid is only 18 months old... The right age to start separating your will from his will. Plus, he's deaf, which doesn't have anything to do with discipline I guess, but it's a powerful weapon!!! My son has always used his superpowers. I can make his hearing sister fell intimidated, scared, guilty just by talking to her (well poor thing, I try not to of course, but I'm lucky as she's a reasonable child). Even with her door closed she can hear me shout "Put your toys away when you're finished playiiiiing!".

But he...:roll: If I say "no" he just needs to turn away, and I don't exist anymore. He takes his aids off, and the world is at his feet. No limits. And he knows that!

So yes, you'll need to find new strategies. But you know, that's it with kids! What worked with one doesn't with the next. I have a friend with 7 kids and she says it was the same with every new kid. They're all different!

First I think you shouldn't take deafness as a reason for everything. Yes, your kid has a linguistic delay, both in speech and sign (because he's not born in a signing family, just like mine, so he's just started being exposed to sign, and it takes time for that too). But this happens to hearing kids, too. Late talkers are often trapped in the same frustration. It's not a definitive thing - your kid grows up day after day. It will take TIME.

Second, of course you need to be as visual as you can: signs, gestures, facial expression. Some drawing may work too. But every kid is different, you need to try many things.

I can tell you what works with my kid:

-Not getting too angry. Showing an excessively interesting reaction makes him want to try again, even if consequences are bad for him. He just can't resist.

-Saying and signing "NO" calmly and firmly... And only when it's REALLY needed. I always say, if you can say "yes", just do. Many "no"s, (especially if they can possibly then become "Oh well ok then do what you want!") are BAD. We need to be clear: no is no, and it comes when it's impossible for me to say "yes". So that he can trust you, that your not making fuss :P your "no" has a precise reason to be.

-If he insists, make it phisically impossible for him to go ahead: block him, put the thing he's not using properly away, things like that. He's stubborn, but I am, too. And if I said "no", it's because that thing is WRONG, so if you don't stop, I'll stop you. Period. I'll wipe away your tears with kisses later, but won't let you do that.

-Explaining, with signs and words, manymanymany times. It always seems not to work at the moment, but it does.

-TONS of PATIENCE. Deaf kids are experimental. Being told "no" and explained why is not enough. They need to try the same thing maaaaany times before accepting your "no". Be patient. You may be rewarded as we are by a kid who points out things and sign "No" to himself.

I tell you, my son is 3yo. He was pretty wild and I've been often told I should discipline him more. But that's not my way, I'm sort of a hippie mama and I don't like getting angry at kids. But he eventually became a well behaved kid. Doesn't make tantrums, doesn't cross roads, goes to kindergarten, speech therapy, everything, without a problem and with a smile on his face. He's got a strong personality, but I don't find him to be a fussy kid at all. And believe me, he WAS pretty wild and WAS and IS frustrated by the difficulties in communication.

Patience is the key, I think!
 
Messymama, thanks! My son too gets off his aids when he is angry, with one move!! I have another question... How one can be sure that the CI will help his kid? I mean we have done all the tests needed (MRI, CT etc) and they show that my son could be implanted, however are we SURE that this thing will help him? I am a little scared at this major surgery on the head.
 
Well, I can'y really help you on this one since I choose not to implant...

Depends what "help" means to you. Nobody can tell you for sure, but in the gret majority of cases implanted children do hear sounds. What they can do with that sound, after surgery, is not predictable by anyone. I'm pretty sure my son wouldn't give a d**n about Ci, exactly like he does about HAs. But you know, we'll never know.
 
I was wondering, Kat, why is it so absolutely vital to you that your child have to hear?

Do you think his chances in life are any less if he have no sound?
I assure you, it doesn't matter. I had a brother who chose to go Deaf,
and unlike me, never ever wore HAs even when he was given ones.

He was very successful and confident. More than me.
Hearing has nothing to do with being successful, in life- self esteem and intelligence does.

I am not saying it is not worth to hear and speak - as I do and I value this,
it does come handy.
But to do it at all cost, I am not sure about that...

Please consider pro and cons carefully.


Fuzzy
 
messymama said:
Well, I can'y really help you on this one since I choose not to implant...

Depends what "help" means to you. Nobody can tell you for sure, but in the gret majority of cases implanted children do hear sounds. What they can do with that sound, after surgery, is not predictable by anyone. I'm pretty sure my son wouldn't give a d**n about Ci, exactly like he does about HAs. But you know, we'll never know.
Click to expand...
That's right.

Cochlear implants is just something that's given to someone. Does it make that person better? That's up to that person.

Just because you get cochlear implants doesn't mean you can automatically hear and speak like a hearing person overnight. It takes time and work to get there.

They will start hearing a lot of things, but will they immediately recognize the sound? No, they won't. That's the part they have to work on.

Will they start talking like a hearing person immediately? No, they won't. They will have to go through speech therapy.

I have a deaf friend who got cochlear implants. It took her 2 years of heavy speech therapy before her voice improved enough for a hearing person to understand what she was saying.

I knew a guy who was deaf and assumed cochlear implants would "cure" him of his speech and hearing overnight. As soon as he got his cochlear implants, he immediately rejected his deaf friends and started hanging out with hearing people. He never bothered to work on his listening and speech skills. He stopped signing and would emphasize that he could "talk" just to show off to deafies. Even after four years, he still relies on his lipreading skills in order to understand what hearing people are saying and he sounds the same as he did four years ago. :roll:
 
My son was cochlear implanted when he was five years old. He really likes it. I was not sure if I was doing the right thing for him. He is 18 years old and he told me that I did. Yes, he does not speak like me or hear 100%, but he has told me it is much better then his hearing aids. My son uses total communication. He requires an interpreter to assist him in school. He has gone to public school all his life. I was going to send him to a school for deaf children, but when I did, I was told my son did not meet the expectations of the school; which means he wasn't speaking like a "normal person." Every child / person is different.
 
kparocha said:
My son was cochlear implanted when he was five years old. He really likes it. I was not sure if I was doing the right thing for him. He is 18 years old and he told me that I did. Yes, he does not speak like me or hear 100%, but he has told me it is much better then his hearing aids. My son uses total communication. He requires an interpreter to assist him in school. He has gone to public school all his life. I was going to send him to a school for deaf children, but when I did, I was told my son did not meet the expectations of the school; which means he wasn't speaking like a "normal person." Every child / person is different.
Click to expand...

Seems like you have a fairly realistic and honest view on what a CI can do for a child. The decision to implant a young child is not an easy one. I suspect your impression of the expected benefits are based on your experience with your son. I am curious, if you were to have a child today and faced with the same situation what would you do differently?
 
What an interesting question! I'll wait for reply, too! :hmm:

As for me, I know I woukld start with signing from day #1. That's my biggest regret, truly, since now it seems sooo hard for him to learn that, too. And I tought of doing baby sign from the start, too... before knowing he was deaf! Then gave up because I didn't want to buy all the dvds :doh: How silly of me...
 
Each child is different. Your son may have a different personality than your older one. His deafness probably has nothing to do with it. I have two hearing children..my younger one was more difficult during his terrible twos than my older one. However, we kept firm with him and never gave in even though there were so many times we came close to. Now, he is 6 years old and knows that when we say, "no" we mean it. Sometimes he will still have his fits but generally he has started to accept it without having his fits.

Also keep up with the signing.

Good luck!
 
I plan to sign with my kids no matter their hearing status. I've never looked at a book or DVD of baby signs, how is the baby signs different for regular ASL?
 
Well, it's not a language. Just some simple signs to help little (hearing) babies to communicate before they're able to speak.

Babies seem to pick up these signs very quickly (which shows how much visual communication is natural for ANY human being, not only deaf), and it seems to help with the develop of speech too. Some friend had tried and was enthisuastic so I was thinking about it, but then I did nothing. And that's a pity, because it would have been a good start, better anyway than no language/communication at all, which is basically what we have now! But I didn't realize my child was deaf and had relational problems before he was 18 months, so... :roll:

I wish someone told be back then how long it can take for a child to learn to sign, listen, speak. All the children out there seem to be so quick, and mine seem to be... fast as a snail... But it can happen, he's not the only one, and the last two years would have been much more relaxed if I just knew that.
 
It sounds like the child is frustrated and is expressing it through his temper tantrums. This is very common with a deaf child if communication is somewhat limited within the family. I know you said that you do sign with the child, but it also sounds like you are doing other things. For instance, getting him to focus on your lips. Doing more than one or two things at once can be difficult for a child to deal with.
 
This is something interesting, too. We hearing parents tend to sign AND speak at the same time, and we often are told to do so by therapists, too. But I'm understanding this may be bad and lead to confusion.

I'm not proficient enough to just sign all the time. What would be the best approach, in your opinion? Sign only? Or sign and speak, but not contemporary?
 
messymama said:
This is something interesting, too. We hearing parents tend to sign AND speak at the same time, and we often are told to do so by therapists, too. But I'm understanding this may be bad and lead to confusion.

I'm not proficient enough to just sign all the time. What would be the best approach, in your opinion? Sign only? Or sign and speak, but not contemporary?
Click to expand...

It's true, American Sign Language and English are two completely different languages. American Sign Language is a rich and complete language, just like English is. However, it is not ideal to use both at once. Can you speak English and French at once? Right, you can't. So why should you sign and speak at the same time? It's better to just sign without actually speaking, but you have to use mouth morphemes since they play an important role in communicating with ASL.
 
What I know today, I would have my child implanted. We sign and voice (total communication.) More speech therapy and more reading. My son liked going to therapy, but didn't want to go anymore when it interfered with his school schedule. He has therapy at school and we do some therapy at home. So, yes if today I was told my son was deaf. I would have him cochlear implanted. I except my son being deaf, I feel if the technology is there use it.
 
My uncle who is in his 70s was cochlear implanted several years ago. He tried it and never like it. My aunt gave me his processor. She thought my son could use it. It is not compatible to his implant. It is from Advance Bionics and it's name is the AURIA. I like to sell it to help pay for my son's new processor. So if anyone is interest please let me know. It is in very could shape. My uncle only used it for one month, then he said no more.
Thanks,
Kathleen
 
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