Here is a copy of a letter that I'm going to give Dani after we come back from break.
Dear Dani,
It’s so hard to say goodbye. I thought we were going to be friends forever. I remember how when I got here last semester I was so excited when OB called your apartment up and told you I was here!!! You have always been an amazing friend to me from the very first day I met you. I am so fucking sorry this ended up this way. I didn’t realize that I was overdoing it. I am such an damn stupid idiot!!!! I am so fucking sorry....and the worst thing is, was that I was incredibly confused about this whole thing. I am bi (as you know and guessed rightly over the summer) but I think that I was just getting confused because I missed you so much. I really do miss the old days a lot. (and I wish there were more of them to remember)
I do not think I was in love with you. I DID have a crush on you, but it was mostly the type of crush that I would have gotten on my counselors at summer camp as a teen. (a girl crush in other words) I can’t believe this has wrecked our friendship. I remember how you used to flirt with me, and how we got drunk on that wine back in Courtney. I remember that time I pulled an all-nighter and you ran into me in Ely and I just burst into tears. I remember you reading my stories. I remember so much and I cannot believe that it’s all gone. I know you’re straight and not at all attracted to me. (or to any other girl) I have known that for a long time. After all, we’ve known each other for years now.
That is why I agonized so much over it. I wish I hadn’t said anything to anyone. Maybe then we’d still be friends. It’s so hard to believe that we are no longer friends. I remember how excited you used to be to see me. I remember watching I Love the ‘80’s with you....I remember posing for that picture in the Dining Commons. I can’t believe that I will have to put that picture away forever. I always thought that I’d bring that picture to your wedding as a memory of the old days. I know you feel uncomfortable around me now. I feel like if I saw you I wouldn’t know how to act. That’s a real change, isn’t it? Remember the old days when I used to practically kill you because I was so excited to see you? I know those days are over and aren’t going to come back ever again. I always thought we’d be bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. I always thought that we’d be friends forever. Even without the complication of this crush, I loved you like a sister. I know this is weird for you. It’s weird for me too. I can say that I mostly got this out of my system over the summer. I really do think it was just missing you that got me so confused. I hate myself so much for messing up yet again, and I am so beyond scared that this will affect other friendships. I feel like such a monster because something like this happened. Dani-girl....I am so sorry this happened. I wish it hadn’t. I wish I wasn’t so screwed up that I was crushing on a straight girl. I can’t believe our friendship is over. I am so sorry about that. You were truly one of my best friends, and I am going to miss you so damn much. I feel like you’ve died or something. I hope you have a wonderful sucessful happy life and I am going to miss you so much. I will miss seeing you. I can’t believe I fucked up this friendship so badly. I had something of enormous value and I lost it. It's going to take a hundred years to find another friend like you. Good-bye Dani-girl....I will never forget you, and it’s going to be hard but I know it is time to let go.
Love,
Deafdyke
