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Children's sexual behaviour
Click here for a printable version of this document
Learning about sexuality is just as important to children as any other learning. Children need to feel that the sexual parts of their bodies are good, just as they feel that it is good to have arms and legs. They need to feel that it is good to be a boy or a girl. When parents talk with children about their bodies and about their sexual feelings and behaviour, children learn that it is okay to talk about these things with parents. Helping children to feel they can come to you to talk freely is one of the ways to help them sort out their values.
Influences on children’s sexual behaviour
Parents
What you think and feel about children’s sexuality has a strong influence on how you respond to your children’s sexual behaviours. What your own parents said and did, religious beliefs, cultural background and your feelings all make a difference to how you handle your own children’s sexual development. You can help your children to feel good, healthy and normal, or ashamed, guilty and bad by how you respond to them.
Television, radio and magazines
Children are influenced by what they see, hear and read. They see lots of sex in one way or another through television, videos, newspapers, billboards and magazines. They learn from what they read, see and hear about what it means to be a man or a woman, and how men and women act. Sometimes they see pictures of sexual violence and other sexual activity which they are not old enough to understand and this can worry them.
How adults treat each other
Children learn from parents - their first teachers. They see how you respond and treat each other and whether you for care and respect your partner. Some children may see their parents or other adults ‘putting down’ or making fun of people of the other sex, or even themselves. This sort of example can teach children to feel unhappy about being a boy or a girl. It may teach them to be afraid of people of the other sex or to think less of them.
Children’s services and schools
Most schools and early childhood services teach children about their bodies, the proper names for parts of their bodies, and how to ask for help if they don’t feel safe or if they are touched in ways that are not okay.
Children’s sexual development
Children have sexual feelings from birth. Baby boys can have erections and boys and girls can get good feelings from touching the sexual parts of their bodies.
In the preschool years
Babies usually do not explore their genitals (the sexual part of their bodies) until late in the first year as they are harder to see than body parts like hands and feet.
They often touch their genitals because it feels good or because it comforts them when they are upset or worried.
One-year-olds may like to play with their genitals when their nappies are off (or play with poo as well, if they get the chance). This is part of their natural curiosity.
Under three-year-olds do not understand that all their body parts are a permanent part of them, so young boys may be worried that they might lose their penis when they see that girls don’t have one, or girls may worry because they do not have a penis.
Preschool children are often not modest about their bodies and like being naked.
Preschool aged children are interested in looking at their own and other’s bodies. They may play doctors and nurses in ways which involve looking and touching.
They are often interested in parents’ bodies and might want to touch them in the shower.
They are interested in where babies come from and how babies get out of the mother’s body. They are also interested in how they were born.
By three years of age, children can say what sex they are (a boy or a girl). By the time they are six or seven they understand that this is something that does not usually change.
Four-year-olds are very interested in toilet words and in what people do in bathrooms and toilets (especially other people’s bathrooms). They often make jokes about toilets and like to use swear words if they know some.
In the early primary school years
Children usually know that looking at each other’s bodies and masturbation are things people do in private.
There may still be sex play and ‘looking’ because they are curious, especially around girls’ and boys’ toilets.
Children hear about sexual intercourse and talk about it, often using sex words that they have heard from their friends.
They are still interested in pregnancy and birth.
Children begin to focus more on same sex friendships.
By the mid-primary years there is likely to be embarrassment about nudity and modesty in front of parents as well as others.
There is the beginning of sex talk and joking with peers.
Sex play may include kissing games, teasing and pretend games about marriage.
Masturbation
In early childhood touching of the genitals may be:
- finding out about the body
- because it feels good
- because the child wants to go to the toilet
- because it gives a feeling of comfort when a child is worried.
By early school years, children have learnt that masturbation is something that is done in private. (If children do it in public, it is likely to be because something is going wrong in their lives or sometimes because of abuse.)
As children reach preschool age, you may want to talk about masturbation. Tell your child that masturbation feels enjoyable, but it is something done by themselves and not when they are with other people.
If children masturbate a lot it is probably because something is troubling them. It is important to try to work out what it is. Very young children can’t tell you, so you need to think about the likely causes, for example, new baby, parent going back to work, and then work out how to help them feel better.
Telling a child who is masturbating for comfort not to do it, is likely to cause more tension. Try saying, ‘I can see you are feeling tense, let me give you
a hug’.
Click here for a printable version of this document
Learning about sexuality is just as important to children as any other learning. Children need to feel that the sexual parts of their bodies are good, just as they feel that it is good to have arms and legs. They need to feel that it is good to be a boy or a girl. When parents talk with children about their bodies and about their sexual feelings and behaviour, children learn that it is okay to talk about these things with parents. Helping children to feel they can come to you to talk freely is one of the ways to help them sort out their values.
Influences on children’s sexual behaviour
Parents
What you think and feel about children’s sexuality has a strong influence on how you respond to your children’s sexual behaviours. What your own parents said and did, religious beliefs, cultural background and your feelings all make a difference to how you handle your own children’s sexual development. You can help your children to feel good, healthy and normal, or ashamed, guilty and bad by how you respond to them.
Television, radio and magazines
Children are influenced by what they see, hear and read. They see lots of sex in one way or another through television, videos, newspapers, billboards and magazines. They learn from what they read, see and hear about what it means to be a man or a woman, and how men and women act. Sometimes they see pictures of sexual violence and other sexual activity which they are not old enough to understand and this can worry them.
How adults treat each other
Children learn from parents - their first teachers. They see how you respond and treat each other and whether you for care and respect your partner. Some children may see their parents or other adults ‘putting down’ or making fun of people of the other sex, or even themselves. This sort of example can teach children to feel unhappy about being a boy or a girl. It may teach them to be afraid of people of the other sex or to think less of them.
Children’s services and schools
Most schools and early childhood services teach children about their bodies, the proper names for parts of their bodies, and how to ask for help if they don’t feel safe or if they are touched in ways that are not okay.
Children’s sexual development
Children have sexual feelings from birth. Baby boys can have erections and boys and girls can get good feelings from touching the sexual parts of their bodies.
In the preschool years
Babies usually do not explore their genitals (the sexual part of their bodies) until late in the first year as they are harder to see than body parts like hands and feet.
They often touch their genitals because it feels good or because it comforts them when they are upset or worried.
One-year-olds may like to play with their genitals when their nappies are off (or play with poo as well, if they get the chance). This is part of their natural curiosity.
Under three-year-olds do not understand that all their body parts are a permanent part of them, so young boys may be worried that they might lose their penis when they see that girls don’t have one, or girls may worry because they do not have a penis.
Preschool children are often not modest about their bodies and like being naked.
Preschool aged children are interested in looking at their own and other’s bodies. They may play doctors and nurses in ways which involve looking and touching.
They are often interested in parents’ bodies and might want to touch them in the shower.
They are interested in where babies come from and how babies get out of the mother’s body. They are also interested in how they were born.
By three years of age, children can say what sex they are (a boy or a girl). By the time they are six or seven they understand that this is something that does not usually change.
Four-year-olds are very interested in toilet words and in what people do in bathrooms and toilets (especially other people’s bathrooms). They often make jokes about toilets and like to use swear words if they know some.
In the early primary school years
Children usually know that looking at each other’s bodies and masturbation are things people do in private.
There may still be sex play and ‘looking’ because they are curious, especially around girls’ and boys’ toilets.
Children hear about sexual intercourse and talk about it, often using sex words that they have heard from their friends.
They are still interested in pregnancy and birth.
Children begin to focus more on same sex friendships.
By the mid-primary years there is likely to be embarrassment about nudity and modesty in front of parents as well as others.
There is the beginning of sex talk and joking with peers.
Sex play may include kissing games, teasing and pretend games about marriage.
Masturbation
In early childhood touching of the genitals may be:
- finding out about the body
- because it feels good
- because the child wants to go to the toilet
- because it gives a feeling of comfort when a child is worried.
By early school years, children have learnt that masturbation is something that is done in private. (If children do it in public, it is likely to be because something is going wrong in their lives or sometimes because of abuse.)
As children reach preschool age, you may want to talk about masturbation. Tell your child that masturbation feels enjoyable, but it is something done by themselves and not when they are with other people.
If children masturbate a lot it is probably because something is troubling them. It is important to try to work out what it is. Very young children can’t tell you, so you need to think about the likely causes, for example, new baby, parent going back to work, and then work out how to help them feel better.
Telling a child who is masturbating for comfort not to do it, is likely to cause more tension. Try saying, ‘I can see you are feeling tense, let me give you
a hug’.
)) to teach safe sex than being sorry like my cousin got pregnant at 15.