child or children of your mate... what to do?

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SpiceHD

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my bf kevin have a son and since i lived with him for like over a year now... i kinda considered his son as my son... but i know he is not. however his ex did not like it and did not understand. i dont know how to convince her that im not here to steal her kid. i just love that kid to pieces. anybody have that plm before?
 
i guess i m one of them.. i don't care if somebody consider my son to somebody as long sean is my son that he birth from me but i hate when they put too much pictures and make me that when i will see him and it's gotten me frustrued and i had patient so long time and long time and i tried to deal with my patient and it's hard and i really love sean so much and i alway want to spend more longer than i expected.
 
SpiceHD said:
... i dont know how to convince her that im not here to steal her kid. i just love that kid to pieces. anybody have that plm before?
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Always speak positively about the mom to the kid. No matter what the relationship is with the parents, never say anthing bad about the mom in front of the kid. Never criticize the mom's decisions, and always get the mom's permission before doing things, buying things, or making changes with the kid.
 
Reba said:
Always speak positively about the mom to the kid. No matter what the relationship is with the parents, never say anthing bad about the mom in front of the kid. Never criticize the mom's decisions, and always get the mom's permission before doing things, buying things, or making changes with the kid.
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Reba is right. Ive been through this with wife of my exhusband. She always made decisions without asking me first like getting haircuts, etc. She never said directly hat Im a lousy mom but many times in subtle ways. The girls are deathly afraid of her and her temper so they feel they cant defend me. But my oldest daughter is starting to speak up but her stepmother is so set in her own ways so it is difficult for three of us.

This mother is feeling threatened by you and her son. Dont say anything about his mother. Acknowledge that he has two mothers and you are fine with that. But he may nevertheless feel caught in the middle, trying to please you both.

Also, I have three stepsons and I have no plans of making these boys feeling they have to be in the middle. I make sure that they know I care for them and will always be there for them in a special role. Being a mom in a similiar situation, I understand where these three boys are coming from so I have my own experiences to draw from.
 
well I believe my son need to be wtih me more often and understand what going on and sean should able to set some bond with me and i feel i have no way to set a bond with my son yet. i would have to wait to earn this person's trust first. I wouldn't never put shit on my son's father front of my son, it's no way.. My son would need to look up wtih good postives on his own parents inculded his both family sides.
 
Through my experiences with my 4 children as I've watched them growin' up -- they learned alot about their parents by watchin' them. They will NOT forget that easy when they remember things while growin' up. They will start askin' questions their divorced parents about why mother or father do this or do that... and, even they will defend their mother or father who ever is more innocent, that's IF either mother or father NEVER mentions bad things about their spouse to their kids.

All my 4 children accused their father when they were in their teen ages, because they kept hearin' their father sayin' bad things about their biological mother ... or let's say their father's girlfriend talk bad things about their biological mother, just because their father said alot of things to their father's girlfriend. What their father and father's girlfriend did NOT know about is that I've NEVER mentioned bad things to my kids about their father/father's girlfriend for years until my kids reached the ages of 18.

All my 4 children are now realized that their biological mother ( me ) is a good mom. I don't drink nor smoke ( pot ) nor gamble nor do drugs - NADA. I was very straight clean, except for that ciggie until 2 years ago I quit.

Children can watch their parents on both sides while growin' up. They could even question their parents to find out the truth. They will keep their mind what their parents told them about each other. Let me tell you - children are NOT that stupid nowsdays about the family matter.

I would advice for girlfriends/boyfriends to keep mind their own business and let the biological parents work things out themselves with their kids. NEVER butt in. No 3rd party involves, either.... because, if you do - children will hate you for screwin' their parents' friendship for children's sake.

Never make children to call girlfriend " Mommy " or boyfriend " Daddy ". They only have ONE biological mother and ONE biological father who they were born from.... their real blood and flesh parents, NOT girlfriend or boyfriend.

And, also -- girlfriends/boyfriends have to learn to respect children's biological parents and let them be what ever they want for the sake of friendship --- because, the word " divorce " or " break up " hurt them enough. It's their parents' responsibility to see that their children are happy WITHOUT bringin' " past " in their lives ( bad things or dwell on things ).
 
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