0:06 Growing up, I had a secret
I thought if the people I loved knew who I was really was,
they would never love me.
Four years ago I told my parents that their return Missionary Mormon son was attracted to men.
Luckily they helped me find myself despite their Church's teachings,
that I would go to hell for acting on a condition they called "same-sex attraction."
My name is Cody Derrick, I'm 26 years old, and I'm gay.
0:41
I felt like I was losing the religion, like, my identity that, you know, was in that I was losing God, because obviously God wouldn't love you if you were not obeying the Church's teachings.
And my biggest fear, literally, was I'll go to hell.
Yeah, my family disowning me and all of those things were awful because I really feared that they would,
but "I'll go to hell" -- that was the hard part.
Like I'd come to the end of both roads, because if I went this way (points left), this would happen, and if I went this way (points right), this would happen.
It was such a disconnect
that I felt like the easier route, the more pleasant route, would be just kill myself.
1:20
1:22 - 1:30 text on screen
1:31 I went downstairs and I was just sitting on my bed and I was just crying
and my parents came down and it was a sweet moment
um, you know, both kneeled down on the ground next to me and we were just trying to comfort me, just say, talk to us
and I told them, I just said it, just like, "I don't know what it means, but as long as I can remember, I've been attracted to guys, I've been attracted to men. "
And so they just kind sat there for a second, and they were perfect really, I can't describe it any better. They both just hugged me and said, "it's okay, we'll figure it out."
2:07
>> Rod Derrick (Cody's Father): I think that some people forget, that first this is we are Christians, and everything else is added on that.
And as a Christian, we're supposed to love
>> Connie Derrick (Cody's Mother): They're your children no matter what. No matter who they are, we'll just love him no matter what.
>> father: I would hope that someday he could understand that I have always loved him, and I think there has been a lot of question in his mind whether or not that was true.
2:32
>> Cody: I felt that is was always shallow, like I just didn't believe him. I thought that
he was just saying it, that he didn't like me and all these things.
And I realized in the moment that that was a complete barrier that I had put up because I was so afraid that if he really knew who I was, that if I told him that, yeah your son's gay, I've been gay, I'm attracted to guys, that's the worst thing you can tell your dad, and that he wouldn't really love me
And so when he told me he loved me, in my head it's like he wasn't loving me for who I really was, because it was all fake.
And so I just put up this wall and didn't believe him, and all of a sudden, within a matter of a few minutes I had told him everything, like a big dark secret I knew was out , and then he was telling me that he loved me, so
that was the first time I believed it.
3:18
From the very beginning, through this entire process, it's never really been about me being gay with my family. It's always been about me knowing there's concern about my happiness and that I'm okay, which is why ever since I started dating Scott, I started coming back .
>> Father: Scott was able to help Cody balance out so that he was not.... so sad and so frustrated.
3:39
>> Scott Naylor, boyfriend: He's had a huge impact on my life, just as far as, I don't know, he's a really smart guy, he's really motivated, he's very light-hearted and so we've actually molded each other and give-and-take enough to where now we've become a great partnership to where we ebb and flow, and we're pretty close and we get along very well.
And also having his family here -- they're so supportive, they're so open, and even thought their background and their beliefs, their love is so strong for him.
that they don't let anything else get in the way. And I think that some people overlook that. You know, they have these strong beliefs and they overlook the love for the beliefs.
But they overlook their beliefs for their love, and his whole family is that way.
It's amazing. It's so inspiring to see.
4:36
>> Cody: Every conversation that I have with someone when they ask me, like, 'it hard have been hard for you coming out. Oh, you're gay, you're Mormon, you grew up in Salt Lake.'
I feel it's my duty, because of how wonderful they've been, or how wonderful they are, to say that, "No, like, it wasn't hard at all." I mean it was hard for me because of certain aspects outside of my family, but it wasn't hard because of them.
I would have died without them, and so, yeah, I need to tell the world.
Thanks to my family, and thanks to Monique and Jenn, and Rocky and my Mom and my Dad, and my brother-in-laws, and everyone.
My friends, who, every single person just said, "yeah, we love you just the same, we'll get through it"
I could have never tested those relationships in any way unless I had gone through this.
5:27
How devastating for all of these kids who couldn't figure out that it was better to be gay than dead.
It's not religion, it's not God, it's not anything good.
No one understands completely anyone else.
And the sooner we are able to realize that we don't understand other people, and that that's okay, that we're not supposed to, the easier it is just to be alright with other people's decisions.
[end]
