Can't hear, can't sign either - social outcast!

[RoseRodent]

I've always been HOH, the amount has been up and down over the years with one thing and another, but I didn't get identified properly as a child so I grew up in hearing-world. I sat on the fringes of social situations watching people's jaws go up and down and trying to laugh when they laughed, nod now and then and make "oh really" and "oh yes, isn't it" noises then go "to the bathroom" for a few hours.

I started going to the "families affected by deafness" mum and toddler group and it's almost 100% BSL there. Again, I know enough BSL for a simple conversation, and I can actually get way more of the BSL conversations than the spoken ones, despite knowing only very basic BSL. But I can't usefully respond, and so now I am sitting in the corner of the Deaf world watching people's hands go round and round instead of sitting in the corner of hearing world watching mouths open and shut. I am pretty lonely! I didn't fancy a sign course as it's not really social and family stuff that they start out with, it's like the way they teach you French - ou est la plume de ma tante kind of stuff.

There is a HOH club here but it's a sports club... I am in an electric wheelchair! Except not really a laughing matter.

Anyone else fallen down the culture gap?

 

[arafangion]

Been there, still learning.

Just picking up auslan (which is very similar to BSL) from watching other people sign - two years so far and not fluent yet! Haven't had a chance to do a proper class, either, but still getting better.

Takes a while, you'll get there, and meet a few friends along the way - good things don't always come easy.

 

[Lighthouse77]

Cochlear implant club probably be better for you if you are looking for an HOH club. People with cochlear implant can relate to HOH people a lot as far as their experience being between two world of hearing world and deaf world. But I have to warn you, If you are struggling to understand hearing people, it is alot harder to understand other HOH people. That's my experience and this is why I got on the computer. I found I don't have to ask people to repeat themselves on the internet.

 

[rockin'robin]

First time I've seen a thread like this but I can relate. Feel most late-deafened people go thru this situation also. I was never a fluent signer but a fluent lip-reader. I would strongly suggest you take some courses in sign language, get involved in deaf activities as much as you can....Don't downgrade ur self as a social outcast! Everyone is special in their own way.

 

[RoseRodent]

And I absolutely must must must lose the habit of using the "deaf nod". I just automatically find myself making appreciate noises for half-heard conversations. If I have the gist of what someone is saying then I just run with that and hope, or if it's probably small talk I just agree. It's easier than making someone repeat "lovely weather" seven times over. :roll: People probably think I can hear them. Either that or they think I have a screw loose cos they ask me if it's still raining and I say "yes, very well, thank you".

I wish there were some simpler crossover communication methods, but I suppose all languages are inherently complex. Cued speech appears to offer a lot because you just have to learn a basic set of signals and then practice for fluency, but it doesn't really suit the way I think. I still can't tell the time cos I can't cope with a 3 becoming a quarter or a fifteen depending what size hand is pointing to it, so the fact it's only partially representative gives me problems. Something in the way of shorthand fingerspelling would be ideal.

 

[quirkylibra]

And I absolutely must must must lose the habit of using the "deaf nod". I just automatically find myself making appreciate noises for half-heard conversations. If I have the gist of what someone is saying then I just run with that and hope, or if it's probably small talk I just agree. It's easier than making someone repeat "lovely weather" seven times over. :roll: People probably think I can hear them. Either that or they think I have a screw loose cos they ask me if it's still raining and I say "yes, very well, thank you".

I wish there were some simpler crossover communication methods, but I suppose all languages are inherently complex. Cued speech appears to offer a lot because you just have to learn a basic set of signals and then practice for fluency, but it doesn't really suit the way I think. I still can't tell the time cos I can't cope with a 3 becoming a quarter or a fifteen depending what size hand is pointing to it, so the fact it's only partially representative gives me problems. Something in the way of shorthand fingerspelling would be ideal.

I do the same thing! The other day I told someone I wished I had a DUI! They were like what!? Obviously, I thought they asked me something else and I said yeah I wish. I tend to smile and nod a lot. Bad habit, I know. I would love to learn ASL, but it wouldn't help me much in daily life because nobody around me uses it. I have one friend who is a language translator and know a tiny bit, but not enough for convos.

 

[Bottesini]

. I still can't tell the time cos I can't cope with a 3 becoming a quarter or a fifteen depending what size hand is pointing to it, so the fact it's only partially representative gives me problems.

Use a digital clock.

 

[rockdrummer]

I've always been HOH, the amount has been up and down over the years with one thing and another, but I didn't get identified properly as a child so I grew up in hearing-world. I sat on the fringes of social situations watching people's jaws go up and down and trying to laugh when they laughed, nod now and then and make "oh really" and "oh yes, isn't it" noises then go "to the bathroom" for a few hours.

I started going to the "families affected by deafness" mum and toddler group and it's almost 100% BSL there. Again, I know enough BSL for a simple conversation, and I can actually get way more of the BSL conversations than the spoken ones, despite knowing only very basic BSL. But I can't usefully respond, and so now I am sitting in the corner of the Deaf world watching people's hands go round and round instead of sitting in the corner of hearing world watching mouths open and shut. I am pretty lonely! I didn't fancy a sign course as it's not really social and family stuff that they start out with, it's like the way they teach you French - ou est la plume de ma tante kind of stuff.

There is a HOH club here but it's a sports club... I am in an electric wheelchair! Except not really a laughing matter.

Anyone else fallen down the culture gap?

Why don't you become more proficient at BSL?

 

[FxAvatar]

And I absolutely must must must lose the habit of using the "deaf nod". I just automatically find myself making appreciate noises for half-heard conversations. If I have the gist of what someone is saying then I just run with that and hope, or if it's probably small talk I just agree. It's easier than making someone repeat "lovely weather" seven times over.

I can SO relate to this. I get tired of having to ask others to repeat what they say when I know that it is random small talk. Also, I will tend not to ask someone to repeat more than once. Hear what they say or not, I tend to default to “the nod” if I miss what they say second time. It is a bad habit and my best friend has busted me a few times with it.. when he knows that what was said is NOT a yes or no statement. A few times he has asked me to say something back to him if my response is “ a bit off” from what is expected. Most of the time, having a conversation is like playing the Wheel of Fortune in my head, but with words.


rockdrummer

Why don't you become more proficient at BSL?

People learn differently and for the OP, it could be hard to learn Sign when he has few options to fall back on. One idea, a twist from Lighthouse77, would be to take a pen and pad with you to the deaf chat nights. Commonly used from deaf/hearing interactions, I am sure those at the chat would be more than willing to work with someone that has to fall back on pad and pen, after all, how many times had they had to when facing someone that Is hearing and unable to sign?...

 

[RoseRodent]

Why don't you become more proficient at BSL?

Because:

I didn't fancy a sign course as it's not really social and family stuff that they start out with, it's like the way they teach you French - ou est la plume de ma tante kind of stuff.

There's a very expensive residential course where I can learn to give and receive directions and talk about where I live, strangely something I already have in common with the people at the local group! Everything is geared towards a qualification rather than towards people who want to have normal, human communications with each other. They recently introduced a "family sign" course down south, but it's too far away for me and it's full. I hope it will become very popular and spread a bit closer to home.

 

[sallylou]

We have wheel chair sports where I live but I don't think that electric wheel chairs are allowed. Now, if you could turbo charge it so that you can race and pop wheelies, you could start a trend.

Seriously, learn sign language. You can do it! You can learn online and practice with a web cam if you don't have local resources. I would be your practice buddy but I'm learning ASL. We do have BSL users here, though.

 

[deafdyke]

Don't they have things like Silent weekends? I would take the BSL course even if it's basicly " feather of my aunt" type of communication. You have to start somewhere! Oh, and are you finding the BSL folks friendly? One of my friends is in the UK and claims that she's got snubbed by the BSLers. (but on the other hand, she is very snobby herself and I think the people in her group picked up on that. I know late deafened BSLers who feel like they fit in)

 

[DeafDoc1]

I am late deafened, still learning ASL, and I'm a power wheelchair user. I'm quadriplegic so my hands are partially paralyzed and a bit contracted. I've been going to every Deaf event I can find, and socializing with Deaf, students, terps, etc. It's helped my signing immensely, and I've been welcomed with open arms into the Deaf community. They seem to understand me quite well (well the Deaf do, not so much the students, and terps are 50/50 until they've been around me a bit). The Silent weekend is a great idea, too. Immersion is the best and fastest way to improve your fluency. Don't let the wheelchair be a barrier; it's supposed to be a liberator. I always say, walking is highly over-rated!

 

[arafangion]

I am late deafened, still learning ASL, and I'm a power wheelchair user. I'm quadriplegic so my hands are partially paralyzed and a bit contracted. I've been going to every Deaf event I can find, and socializing with Deaf, students, terps, etc. It's helped my signing immensely, and I've been welcomed with open arms into the Deaf community. They seem to understand me quite well (well the Deaf do, not so much the students, and terps are 50/50 until they've been around me a bit). The Silent weekend is a great idea, too. Immersion is the best and fastest way to improve your fluency. Don't let the wheelchair be a barrier; it's supposed to be a liberator. I always say, walking is highly over-rated!

Seconded, well, except for the walking is over-rated part... But I'll spare the "I'd die if I couldn't listen to music/walk on my legs/talk on the phone/blah blah blah" speech that everybody seems to give.

 

[RoseRodent]

Don't they have things like Silent weekends? I would take the BSL course even if it's basicly " feather of my aunt" type of communication. You have to start somewhere! Oh, and are you finding the BSL folks friendly? One of my friends is in the UK and claims that she's got snubbed by the BSLers. (but on the other hand, she is very snobby herself and I think the people in her group picked up on that. I know late deafened BSLers who feel like they fit in)

I've never heard of a silent weekend, will have a poke around for them. The BSL folk are friendly enough I guess. I think from all these years of inexperience and being left on the fringes of conversations I'm really not that sure how to join in if they are already talking when I arrive. I'm honestly not that sure when it's polite to join in and when you are butting in to someone else's private conversations. It's just something that comes from never really being able to join in, so I don't know how to make the first move. They already got introduced to me, so going up and telling them my name is out, so how to choose where to jump into the middle of a conversation with extremely limited vocabulary!

Don't let the wheelchair be a barrier; it's supposed to be a liberator. I always say, walking is highly over-rated!

It's definitely been a liberator and well worth the money I spent, but it starts to feel like a barrier when I signed up to a deaf events newletter from every organisation in Scotland and so far I have been sent 2x5k run, one 10k run, a tandem skydive, sports club, deaf football and an opportunity to climb a mountain. If they can just arrange for a smaller mountain then I'd game for that, but climbing with ropes and caribeners is one step too far.

 

[dogmom]

also you could try for "Silent Dinners", or Deaf Comedy Night, Rose..what about Student Signing Assoc. at local university? True there are many interpreting students involved with that but there may be a Deaf mentor/teacher/liason or other Deaf connections associated with the student group and due to ADA the odds of accessibility for wheelchair users on a campus may be higher than at a private "Club-type" event.

 

[dogmom]

oops, actually - my bad - my mistake just remembered you're in Scotland, so of course ADA is not part of the picture, but you could still see if the odds of accessibility improve at all when activity based from a university-related setting.

 

[somedeafdudefromPNW]

It's definitely been a liberator and well worth the money I spent, but it starts to feel like a barrier when I signed up to a deaf events newletter from every organisation in Scotland and so far I have been sent 2x5k run, one 10k run, a tandem skydive, sports club, deaf football and an opportunity to climb a mountain. If they can just arrange for a smaller mountain then I'd game for that, but climbing with ropes and caribeners is one step too far.

Just to let you know, I know a lot of wheelchair-bounded users who are professional rockclimbers.

All you need are your arms.

 

[overthepond]

Rose, only if you were close enough i could teach you BSL.

 

[RoseRodent]

Just to let you know, I know a lot of wheelchair-bounded users who are professional rockclimbers.

All you need are your arms.

I'll try not to get started on "wheelchair-bounded" in case English is not your first language, but it is NOT an acceptable thing to say, it's the N-word of wheelchairs. Anyway, electric wheelchair is different, electric is for people who don't have use of their arms.

oops, actually - my bad - my mistake just remembered you're in Scotland, so of course ADA is not part of the picture, but you could still see if the odds of accessibility improve at all when activity based from a university-related setting.

LOL that very much tickles my irony as I recently left the local university because of access issues!