Bossy vs. Instigator

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RainGurl

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My two oldest daughters are always in a "issue."
The 7 year old is EXTREMELY BOSSY, I have tried so hard
to explain that she is not the parent. She needs to stop yelling
and start telling us when something is going on. She constantly bosses
the middlest around every second that she can. We have told her, Emma let
us be the parents. Nope, she STILL does it. Hope, do this? Hope, DONT DO THAT! I am running out of ideas.

Hope the 5 year old. She Instigates Emma to no end. Does things on purpose that she knows Emma is going to take a fit. I have told Hope many times, to think before she does something that causes her to be angry with her. That it's not very nice and how would she feel if someone did that to her. The same situations still keep happening.

One day it got so bad, that it affected the entire family. Over a "small issue."
My hub is great about putting his foot down. Me, I try but sometimes I get so frustrated.

I think its personality, as well as the age. They are both on such
different levels right now. Emma is a mothering type, Hope just wants to copy her because she worships the ground that she walks on. But she also hates that she is so bossy so that is her way of getting her back. To annoy her.

What can I do?
 
I'm not a parent, but I have a four and five year old neice and nephew. We've found what works for us is seperating the kids when they get to be too much for each other (or simply are getting on OUR nerves!). Can you try putting one girl in her room, and maybe having the other girl play in the living room to give the kids time to themselves?
 
Heart2Sign said:
My two oldest daughters are always in a "issue."
The 7 year old is EXTREMELY BOSSY, I have tried so hard
to explain that she is not the parent. She needs to stop yelling
and start telling us when something is going on. She constantly bosses
the middlest around every second that she can. We have told her, Emma let
us be the parents. Nope, she STILL does it. Hope, do this? Hope, DONT DO THAT! I am running out of ideas.

Hope the 5 year old. She Instigates Emma to no end. Does things on purpose that she knows Emma is going to take a fit. I have told Hope many times, to think before she does something that causes her to be angry with her. That it's not very nice and how would she feel if someone did that to her. The same situations still keep happening.

One day it got so bad, that it affected the entire family. Over a "small issue."
My hub is great about putting his foot down. Me, I try but sometimes I get so frustrated.

I think its personality, as well as the age. They are both on such
different levels right now. Emma is a mothering type, Hope just wants to copy her because she worships the ground that she walks on. But she also hates that she is so bossy so that is her way of getting her back. To annoy her.

What can I do?
Click to expand...


Heart2sign,

You're not alone..
So am I as same my daughter does being bickering and bossy around and controling us too. I refused allow her being herself everything what she wants. We are PARENT and authroization "enpower".

Doesn't want talk about too personal on this AD..
I'd rather talk it out via pm only if you wish talk me out more feedback postive ways.
 
Sure, just PM me then.

(did I post too personal of info?)
Now I am concerned because ..is it a safe place?


OB - yep we do that too. They both get time out to their rooms.
Because the fighting really isn't neccessary. It's just between the
two of them not the youngest.

We have to make even a seating plan in the van. Because of how
bad it gets. Hub and I have, tried talking, time-outs, we have gone
to places and left because they simply just couldn't behave and get along.

:ugh: Sometimes, I think maybe we are doing something wrong. We are so positive with them. We encourage them, we spend individual quality time with each of them, as well as together. We are so involved.

Yesterday and today there was two days of actual peace. No fighting. It was miraclious!
 
GalaxyAngel is correct, you're not alone, some of us are going thru the same sort of situation where the " oldest " child intend to be bossy at times when a parents is suppose to be doing that job not a child, there are times my oldest son intend to think he's the boss cause he older than his brothers and he tells them what to do, yell or teases them etc....


This is similar to what I've learned from parents class ...
The Boss

Many first-borns are labeled by siblings, friends and parents, as bossy, or "trying to be a parent". Indeed, children may even assume this role because their parents unknowingly empower them. When a parent asks an older sibling to "watch the baby for a few minutes," "show your little brother how to brush his teeth" or "tell your sister and brother to stop fighting", the message heard by the child is that the parent wants him or her to assume a parenting role. Children are not necessarily able to recognize the boundaries on this role. They may become "over-parentified" (acting too much like mom or dad)-worrying about younger siblings to an extreme or trying to care for them even when an adult is present.

If you have a slightly bossy oldest child, you can teach him or her that "its great to help out, but that doesn't make you a parent". Parents can also help oldest children develop skills of cooperation and compromise by teaching it gently while their child is still young. By encouraging group activities and by stressing the importance of siblings helping each other (rather than only the oldest helping the youngest) your oldest child will be less likely to develop a troubling need for superiority over others.

Some oldest children also slip into this role with peers. They may try to boss their friends around or brag about being the smartest or the best. To avoid this becoming a big problem, which could result in a child having trouble with friends, parents can tactfully (without punishment) help a child recognize that other kids don't like it when someone is too bossy or controlling.

As an adult, being a bit "bossy" or " controlling might very well be useful in the working world. So first-borns will often make excellent supervisors, directors and real bosses. On the other hand, this same personality trait may be a hindrance on the way up, because these oldest siblings, who aren't used to being the youngest or least experienced in the group, don't like to be told what to do by those in charge. Grown up oldest children may work well independently, but not perhaps not be great team players. If they can't be the leaders of the team, they may lock horns with superiors. Of course, if you help your oldest child to become a good team player when they are still young, this is less likely to be a significant concern.

Your first and oldest child is a wonderful blessing and always holds an incredibly special place in your heart. He or she is also, in some ways, your first experiment in parenting. You may make mistakes along the way. But as long as you keep learning and correct your mistakes, your child will be fine. Children are extremely resilient and as long as we make our children a priority in our lives and parent them with all our love, they will forgive our mistakes.
Click to expand...


Here's is the Link to help you understand what you need to do etc....
 
Nice to meet another Avril fan. Sorry for going off topic here for a bit. I like just one song, 'Complicated', found out she was a teenager and I just couldn't relate to the rest of her music. :(
 
Heart2Sign, that's a tough nut to crack and I'm sorry y'all are going thru that. Here's hoping they will outgrow this...
 
Have you considered a child psychologist for your girls? It doesn't mean they are crazy, just meaning there are people out there willing to use their expertise and experience to teach your girls healthier behavior. Maybe they'll try to understand why they act like that and give you insights, too.
 
Actually we are reading alot
of Dr. Joy Brown books. On her approach.
Most of her ideas are just let them work it out.
Because they need to deal with their issues.

But yea we thought about it.
 
Eyeth said:
Nice to meet another Avril fan. Sorry for going off topic here for a bit. I like just one song, 'Complicated', found out she was a teenager and I just couldn't relate to the rest of her music. :(
Click to expand...

Yea, I love that one song.
"I'm With You." I have some of
the other songs are great as well.
"Forgotten" is really good as well.

I know she is a teenager, but she
does relatedto my past. Maybe not
the present.
 
Heart2Sign said:
My two oldest daughters are always in a "issue."
The 7 year old is EXTREMELY BOSSY, I have tried so hard
to explain that she is not the parent. She needs to stop yelling
and start telling us when something is going on. She constantly bosses
the middlest around every second that she can. We have told her, Emma let
us be the parents. Nope, she STILL does it. Hope, do this? Hope, DONT DO THAT! I am running out of ideas.

Hope the 5 year old. She Instigates Emma to no end. Does things on purpose that she knows Emma is going to take a fit. I have told Hope many times, to think before she does something that causes her to be angry with her. That it's not very nice and how would she feel if someone did that to her. The same situations still keep happening.

One day it got so bad, that it affected the entire family. Over a "small issue."
My hub is great about putting his foot down. Me, I try but sometimes I get so frustrated.

I think its personality, as well as the age. They are both on such
different levels right now. Emma is a mothering type, Hope just wants to copy her because she worships the ground that she walks on. But she also hates that she is so bossy so that is her way of getting her back. To annoy her.

What can I do?
Click to expand...
Sorry, I had to laugh. I, too, have 2 daughters age 9 and 5. My oldest one named Emma, too :) . From what I have read here, it sounds exactly like our girls. LOL.. Guess it's the age and personality thing.
 
Seems what everyone that has those exact or close to those ages have the same problem. So, I guess it's a normal course of sibling hood.

For now I will be "on the side lines" refereeing for now.

Today it's :rl:
Tomorrow it's: :hug:
 
That is why Hub says when they hit teen years (all 3 girls) :rofl:
he is going on a permant vacation (I said like hell he is, not without me)
 
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