Salute the courage of Cosby's accusers:
A rape victim who was disbelieved remembers her own struggle
I was thrilled to hear that comedian Bill Cosby was finally arraigned, after being accused of rape by dozens of women. I know from personal experience how hard it is to prosecute sexual predators.
On the second day of my freshman year at Colorado College, before classes began and even before I’d removed the yellow and blue construction paper nametag from my door, I was raped by a fellow student.
BILL COSBY'S ACCUSERS CELEBRATE HIS SEX ASSAULT CHARGE
Afterward, I felt hopeless and depressed. Two dim weeks passed before I finally mustered the strength to cross a lawn to the office of the college’s sexual assault counselor. By then it was too late; all physical evidence of my attack was gone.
When my rapist and I entered mediation, at an internal Colorado College hearing, it was — as so often is the case — my word against his. The mediator determined: by her judgment
of the events of that night, what exactly had happened was “inconclusive.”
The college found my rapist innocent. That meant they didn’t believe me. My parents didn’t want me to talk in public about what had happened to me. Devastated, I dropped out of school.
With four weeks left of my freshman year, I fled. I flew west and hiked alone into the Sonoran Desert Mountains, 300 miles south of California’s Mojave Desert. I decided to walk from Mexico, northward toward Canada. I resigned myself to my story’s ending: silence.
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But keeping quiet was hurting me worse than the attack itself. I called the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network’s anonymous and free hotline. The understanding female voice offered me an empathetic witness. She told me: It was not my fault. I didn’t cause it. Rapists cause rape.
When I moved to Manhattan and started taking classes again, I decided to write about what happened to me. When I read pages aloud in class, several female friends and classmates confessed they’d been the victims of similar crimes.
Last summer, I heard from Colorado College. After reading that I’d published a book telling the truth about what happened to me, they emailed, inviting me to return — and to speak publicly about the assault they had previously denied. Six years late, the school that had silenced me not only acknowledged my rape — they wanted to pay $1,000 plus airfare and two nights in a fancy hotel to come back to speak to current students about what happened.
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I went back and stood before 100 people in a classroom lecture hall. I still wish the man who ruined my freshman year at college would be brought to justice, but returning in at least one small way helped me heal.
Recently several women came forward accusing porn star James Deen, a contributor at the feminist website The Frisky, of rape. The Frisky editor believed them and fired Deen on the spot.
I wonder what would have happened to me if my school and parents had immediately believed me and gotten rid of my rapist. I might have stayed in school and not lost a year of my life.
I feel proud of Cosby’s victims for speaking out and pushing for legal action. Think of how many women this justice may finally help heal. It is never too late to prosecute rapists.
Matis is author of “Girl in the Woods: A Memoir.”
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