For example another Army wife and I were talking the other day and she tried to ask if my husband had deployed yet, not knowing the sign we fingerspelled. or like telling somebody he is active duty. I fingered all the rank and abbreviations were fingerspelled
Is the other Army wife deaf?
If the other person is deaf, the best way to learn the signs that are used within the local community is to ask. Spell the word, then give the meaning/definition/example, and then ask if there is a sign.
Even though those of us in the military use jargon shortcuts in our conversations, it's not necessary to use them in order to make our meanings clear. I was a Navy journalist for 24 years, and part of my job was to write about Navy events in a way that civilian readers would understand.
Conceptually, to deploy means to leave for another place. Since the context was established (talking about military husbands), she could simply ask if your husband FINISH LEAVE-FOR OTHER COUNTRY, HUSBAND WORK WHERE--HERE, OTHER COUNTRY/WAR OR, or something similar. In the Navy, we would probably ask HIS SHIP FINISH LEAVE-FOR.
For ranks, the most common signs are for CAPTAIN (like COACH) and SERGEANT. However, since the ranks/rates have different equivalents in each branch of service, it's probably better to spell the abbreviations,
only after establishing that the other person knows what they mean. (A captain in the Navy is a senior officer, often the commanding officer of a base, unit, or ship; a captain in the Army is not a senior officer in command, so the COACH sign wouldn't be equivalent in concept.)
For active duty, there are several approaches. You can sign MILITARY ACTIVE, FULL-TIME, or MILITARY STILL/NOW, or RETIRED NOT-YET, for example, depending on context.
Within the deaf community, spelling and abbreviating is perfectly acceptable. If you spell something for which there is a common local sign, it will usually be pointed out to you by another signer.
Try to think concepts. Think how you would describe military terms to a civilian. Would you tell a civilian, "The CO is too busy with NJP's; trouble seems to be SOP at the 51st"? "Tell the XO that the Chief Boatswain went UA; we checked chiefs' mess, goat locker, sick bay, and brig--he must have gone ashore. When we find him, he's going to need more than his sea lawyer at mast."
Say, what?