Any attchment parenting family here?

[messymama]

Hi there, I was wondering in anyone here is/was using an attachment parenting approach with their children. It's quite a rare thing in Italy and if it was hard for me with my hearing daughter, it's a constant fight with my deaf boy... Seems that anyone disagree with what I do with him (cosleeping, long term breastfeeding, not forcing him into doing things etc) :roll:

So, here I am to ask: any experience to share?

 

[jillio]

Hi there, I was wondering in anyone here is/was using an attachment parenting approach with their children. It's quite a rare thing in Italy and if it was hard for me with my hearing daughter, it's a constant fight with my deaf boy... Seems that anyone disagree with what I do with him (cosleeping, long term breastfeeding, not forcing him into doing things etc) :roll:

So, here I am to ask: any experience to share?

My son breastfed until 18 months, which in the states is considered a long time. He frequently slept in the parental bed with us, although he made his decision some nights that he preferred his own bed. After his father died when he was 6 years old he again began sleeping with me for several months. He needed the security of being around me 24/7 for awhile to reassure him that I was not going to leave unexpectedly, too.

The only way children can develop an independent sense of self is to be secure enough to explore. What you are doing provides him with that security. Rather than making him more dependent on you, you are giving him what he needs to successfully develop his independence.

 

[GrendelQ]

Hi there, I was wondering in anyone here is/was using an attachment parenting approach with their children. It's quite a rare thing in Italy and if it was hard for me with my hearing daughter, it's a constant fight with my deaf boy... Seems that anyone disagree with what I do with him (cosleeping, long term breastfeeding, not forcing him into doing things etc) :roll:

So, here I am to ask: any experience to share?

Hi messymama, we've done an adapted approach to attachment parenting -- primarily cosleeping with my daughter -- since the very beginning, when we first adopted her at 1YO. She often shares the bed with us even at 5, and even when she sleeps on her own, we usually begin the night together in her bed, where I'll read with her, and once she sleeps, I'll remain for a time with her snuggled close, checking email or noodling around on alldeaf . A benefit of having a deaf child is that we can even pop in a movie and watch while she sleeps draped across my legs without disturbing her.

The only drawback is that I would like a bit more time in the evening to be productive -- you haven't seen messy until you come to my house -- but the trade-off is very much worth it.

We don't force things, but we can be very convincing when we need to be

We haven't caught any slack for this: with adopted kids who were institutionalized, this is often the recommended approach anyway. We needed to make home a very safe place. And outside the home, at school and elsewhere, she's extremely independent and self confident.

 

[jillio]

Hi messymama, we've done an adapted approach to attachment parenting -- primarily cosleeping with my daughter -- since the very beginning, when we first adopted her at 1YO. She often shares the bed with us even at 5, and even when she sleeps on her own, we usually begin the night together in her bed, where I'll read with her, and once she sleeps, I'll remain for a time with her snuggled close, checking email or noodling around on alldeaf . A benefit of having a deaf child is that we can even pop in a movie and watch while she sleeps draped across my legs without disturbing her.

The only drawback is that I would like a bit more time in the evening to be productive -- you haven't seen messy until you come to my house -- but the trade-off is very much worth it.

We don't force things, but we can be very convincing when we need to be

We haven't caught any slack for this: with adopted kids who were institutionalized, this is often the recommended approach anyway. We needed to make home a very safe place. And outside the home, at school and elsewhere, she's extremely independent and self confident.

That is a direct result of you creating a home atmosphere where she always feels safe.

 

[rockin'robin]

My baby (he's now 14, soon to be 15)....when I adopted him at age 6, he could not sleep unless his brothers were in the same room....would not even go into the bathroom or take a shower/bath unless one of his brothers would go with him.....Assurance from me and his brothers that there was nothing to be afraid of worked after a couple of weeks. He's very independent now, has his own room, does his own thing.

 

[jillio]

My baby (he's now 14, soon to be 15)....when I adopted him at age 6, he could not sleep unless his brothers were in the same room....would not even go into the bathroom or take a shower/bath unless one of his brothers would go with him.....Assurance from me and his brothers that there was nothing to be afraid of worked after a couple of weeks. He's very independent now, has his own room, does his own thing.

Yeah, it is sad how much reassurance a child like that needs that they will not suffer another loss and that they are safe.

 

[sallylou]

I did the whole "attachment" parenting thing just by instinct. I breastfed my kids so I wanted to have them with me at night. The sling soothed the kids and gave them easy access to breast so I did that (so that I could get things done!). I'd never even heard of the theory/movement. My kids are well adjusted and doing well so I must have done something right. lol

 

[jillio]

I did the whole "attachment" parenting thing just by instinct. I breastfed my kids so I wanted to have them with me at night. The sling soothed the kids and gave them easy access to breast so I did that (so that I could get things done!). I'd never even heard of the theory/movement. My kids are well adjusted and doing well so I must have done something right. lol

Yeah, it wasn't called attachment parenting when I did it, either, nor was it a set theory. More like doing what you felt you needed to do.

 

[sallylou]

I wish that I had a quarter for every parent who told me how relieved they were to hear that I was co-sleeping (both moms and dads). There was a lot of unacknowledged attachment parenting going on. Parents just needed sleep.

 

[jillio]

I wish that I had a quarter for every parent who told me how relieved they were to hear that I was co-sleeping (both moms and dads). There was a lot of unacknowledged attachment parenting going on. Parents just needed sleep.

I think more parents do it than talk about it because they don't want to hear from the disapproving segment of society.

 

[shel90]

I dont know if this counts but my son is having some trouble at school and my hubby wanted to punish him by taking "Puppy" away which is his stuffed dog that he uses as a security blanket. I told him not to do that because it could have negative consequences. I sit down and talk to him about why he got into trouble and what is good behavior and then send him to bed without playing with his bowling games. I would never ever take Puppy away from him. Is that attachment parenting?

 

[sallylou]

No, that's common sense. Taking away the item that a child soothes himself with when he's having difficulty soothing himself makes no sense.

 

[messymama]

Oh well! Now you can be sure I won't leave this place anytime soon!!
I think what they call "attachment parenting" is simply the natural way a human being would act with his/her little ones, with some adaptation to the environment around and personal preferences. I also try to use non-violent communication and let my children very free to do what they feel (of course, limits come up naturally when things get really dangerous or disrespectful for someone else's feelings) and I'm often being told, especially with my little boy, that this way he'll never be well-adjusted to society, that deaf children need rules, and so on. I fell the need to be respected in what I choose for my children together with my husband, and I'm growing up my son the same way I did and do with his sister... Only change the way we communicate. He's happy and confident and I want him to stay like he is, even is sometimes it can be hard for us to be patient and wait for him to understand things in his own way. But on the things he understand he's so good: he can walk in the city without running under cars, behave like he should when he is a bus or train (now that was hard he kept on lying on the bus floor to feel vibrations so I had to wear him in a sling for a looong time), eat alone and has no diaper since he was very little (we did elimination communication too!).

Now that they see he has relational difficulties guess who's the fault... ? :roll:

I'm really happy to hear there are many mums here who followed their instinct and have happy and well-adapted grown up children.

 

[jillio]

Oh well! Now you can be sure I won't leave this place anytime soon!!
I think what they call "attachment parenting" is simply the natural way a human being would act with his/her little ones, with some adaptation to the environment around and personal preferences. I also try to use non-violent communication and let my children very free to do what they feel (of course, limits come up naturally when things get really dangerous or disrespectful for someone else's feelings) and I'm often being told, especially with my little boy, that this way he'll never be well-adjusted to society, that deaf children need rules, and so on. I fell the need to be respected in what I choose for my children together with my husband, and I'm growing up my son the same way I did and do with his sister... Only change the way we communicate. He's happy and confident and I want him to stay like he is, even is sometimes it can be hard for us to be patient and wait for him to understand things in his own way. But on the things he understand he's so good: he can walk in the city without running under cars, behave like he should when he is a bus or train (now that was hard he kept on lying on the bus floor to feel vibrations so I had to wear him in a sling for a looong time), eat alone and has no diaper since he was very little (we did elimination communication too!).

Now that they see he has relational difficulties guess who's the fault... ? :roll:

I'm really happy to hear there are many mums here who followed their instinct and have happy and well-adapted grown up children.

Are you familiar with the Montessori educational philosophy? I know that question seems silly, given that you are in Italy, but I wanted to be sure.

 

[messymama]

Not a silly question at all!!
I know a little about it, but unfortunately Montessori approach is not very common in our schools :roll:
If I could choose, a mix of Steiner and Montessori will do just fine...
Before we found our about my son's deafness, I was dreaming about homeschooling/unschooling, but now I think it's just too much for me! Plus I'll need to get back to work when he gets 3, so... Well, I have to deal with school, which means mainstream -
We'll see how he'll adjust. Despite being very talkative and confident, my eldest girl HATES school... She's already learning to read and write, but hates all that confusion and the way teachers behave with children (punishments, scolding and such). It's a very hard time for us, I can't wait for summer holidays!! :roll:

 

[jillio]

Not a silly question at all!!
I know a little about it, but unfortunately Montessori approach is not very common in our schools :roll:
If I could choose, a mix of Steiner and Montessori will do just fine...
Before we found our about my son's deafness, I was dreaming about homeschooling/unschooling, but now I think it's just too much for me! Plus I'll need to get back to work when he gets 3, so... Well, I have to deal with school, which means mainstream -
We'll see how he'll adjust. Despite being very talkative and confident, my eldest girl HATES school... She's already learning to read and write, but hates all that confusion and the way teachers behave with children (punishments, scolding and such). It's a very hard time for us, I can't wait for summer holidays!! :roll:

I was just thinking that attachment parenting is similar to Montessori schooling in that the child does the guiding.

So many children would enjoy not just school, but the learning process in itself, if our system was more child centered. Too often, our classrooms are set up for the convenience of the teacher, not the betterment of the child. No wonder kids get turned off from education.

We only have a few Montessori schools here in the states, as well. But they have wonderful success rates.

 

[deafdyke]

jillo, no wonder you're so pro full toolbox.....that's being very child centered

I was dreaming about homeschooling/unschooling, but now I think it's just too much for me! Plus I'll need to get back to work when he gets 3, so... Well, I have to deal with school, which means mainstream

My "other mother" (mom of my almost girlfriend) unschooled her girls.....but it's good that you reconize home/unschooling a kid with special needs might be a little too much. I always get a bit afraid that homeschooling kids with special needs will turn into their parents becoming "therapy parents"

 

[katz4life]

My son breastfed until 18 months, which in the states is considered a long time. He frequently slept in the parental bed with us, although he made his decision some nights that he preferred his own bed. After his father died when he was 6 years old he again began sleeping with me for several months. He needed the security of being around me 24/7 for awhile to reassure him that I was not going to leave unexpectedly, too.

The only way children can develop an independent sense of self is to be secure enough to explore. What you are doing provides him with that security. Rather than making him more dependent on you, you are giving him what he needs to successfully develop his independence.

My former neighbors, they were Puerto Ricans family and the young mother breastfed his son up til 4 years old. My boyfriend witnessed it from his own eyes the last time before the boy turned 5.....

 

[jillio]

jillo, no wonder you're so pro full toolbox.....that's being very child centered

My "other mother" (mom of my almost girlfriend) unschooled her girls.....but it's good that you reconize home/unschooling a kid with special needs might be a little too much. I always get a bit afraid that homeschooling kids with special needs will turn into their parents becoming "therapy parents"

I am child centered to the core!

 

[jillio]

My former neighbors, they were Puerto Ricans family and the young mother breastfed his son up til 4 years old. My boyfriend witnessed it from his own eyes the last time before the boy turned 5.....

Yes, many cultures breastfeed for an extended period of time when the child is developing. It actually is a very healthy practice.