Am I overreacting???

[DGirl101]

Recently, my parents had seen my ten year old son sitting in his father's car crying. He was alone in a wal mart parking lot in the car crying while his father and his 8 year old brother were in the store shopping. They pulled into a parking space one row over and they said they could hear him crying.

My son was literally bawling in the car, I have never seen my son cry, but finding out that he was crying so hard that he couldn't catch his breath, tells me that he must have been really hurting emotionally to do so. I don't know how long he sat in the car while his dad shopped. His father came out of the store with my other son in tow. He was carrying several bags.

Please look over this thread, to which I offered my experience, as this will explain my next paragraph or two.

http://www.alldeaf.com/marriage-dating-single-life/75413-physical-sexual-violence.html#post1537852

At the moment I am fighting to get my sons back. They went to stay with thier father for a summer while I worked an afternoon shift (He would not let me get a babysitter for the boys while I worked, he threatened to come and take them from me if I did.). I negotiated with the company to transfer to day shift and once I got the day shift I went to get my sons and their dad told me that I could not have them back. Their father made it exremely difficult for me to see my sons over the past four years. It was not until recently that I found an Attorney that would take my case, after calling attorney after attorney and the state legal aid many times.

Because of their father not allowing me to see them when I wanted to, the judge decided that their father would still have them in his care while a relationship between my sons and I develop. Even after I had provided enough proof to the Judge about his behavior and abuse.

Now back to my initial reason for posting this. Upon finding out about my son in the car crying, it made me literally fall to the floor in tears. I am upset because my son is in the car alone, and is crying so hard for some reason while his dad is in the store shopping.

This is my baby! Why is he sitting in the car crying his heart out like that?! I would never leave my sons in the car alone, ESPECIALLY in a wal mart parking lot, with TONS of people all over. I swear if his father tells me that the doors were locked I will probably perform a horrible castration on him. I'm this angry and upset by this. What if he was kidnapped? What if he left the car and went somewhere else? What if he was hit by a passing car?!?!

If the doors were locked on the car and the windows were rolled up then he could have cooked in the car! If the windows were not rolled up it would be pointless to lock the *(&%$*&*_(#$ doors!

Before my parents could do anything, their dad saw them and really hauled @$$ out of there. If it was a form of punishment, I sure as hell would never use that to get a point across, I would go home and discuss with my son what he will choose for a disclipline measure and teach him to understand why he is being discliplined.

I believe that a child that is ten years old should not be left in a vehicle alone in a busy parking lot. I dont care if it is a town store, a city store, or a mom and pop store, they should never be left alone in the car.

This young boy, my son, is really struggling in school right now and his father is not helping him with anything. Oh yeah sure the teachers think he is amazing, but that is how abusers work. They hide their true selves behind facades to fool people into thinking that they are model citizens. That is how I wound up married to him. Believing that he was a wonderful person. But as soon as we married, it was like a switch, he was not the wonderful person I knew anymore. I suffered for a long time, and I'll be damned if he is going to do the same %^#& to my sons. I will cut off his nuts if I find out he has been hurting my babies. They should NEVER feel the kind of pain I went through, emotional, physical, mental, verbal or otherwise. NEVER go through any kind of pain like that.

Am I overreacting?

 

[hotmr2]

well what did your son do? how did you know that he was in the car crying in your ex husbands care? i heard this before with my friend. she and her ex still on going bitter court battle for 8 yrs. thousands of $ later. she lost the case. now she has to pay her ex for child support. her ex is like ur ex .. an abbusive arsehole.

really all you have to do is talk to your lawyer about it. he or she will try fight it in court.

please dont try cut his balls off .. thats the excact same thing what my friend said last year.

 

[A]

Can you ask the judge to provide counseling for those kids? your child need it if he is crying like that. it will help them in the long term despite all the issues they are going through. This is hurting me as it is to you. I really want those kids counseling for their own well being.

 

[DGirl101]

well what did your son do? how did you know that he was in the car crying in your ex husbands care? i heard this before with my friend. she and her ex still on going bitter court battle for 8 yrs. thousands of $ later. she lost the case. now she has to pay her ex for child support. her ex is like ur ex .. an abbusive arsehole.

really all you have to do is talk to your lawyer about it. he or she will try fight it in court.

please dont try cut his balls off .. thats the excact same thing what my friend said last year.

I did talk to my attorney about this.

I am asking if I am overreacting.

Yes I am angry...No I will not go after him and cut his nuts off. I won't go near him...

I dont know what my son did. His fathers form of disclipline is harsh. One month upstairs on his bed. Nothing to occupy his mind, only allowed to get up to use the bathroom or eat. Do you think that is fair for a 10 year old? For kissing a girl on the cheek?

Or a month for an 8 year old? Just because he forgot to put a game away in its case and it got scratched because dad put a glass of pop on it?

 

[DGirl101]

Can you ask the judge to provide counseling for those kids? your child need it if he is crying like that. it will help them in the long term despite all the issues they are going through. This is hurting me as it is to you. I really want those kids counseling for their own well being.

I took care of that a long time ago. I even went as far as saying nothing about their father or the case or the custody case in front of them. They do not need to be exposed to that, it only causes anguish for them, and because it will effect them I opted to have counseling for them and for me. Seperately.

Doesn't help when their dad talks about me in front of them though.

 

[Miss-Delectable]

DGirl101,
First of all, I am glad you have an attorney who'd take your case on.

Secondly, I don't think you're overreacting because you know what that SOB is like and the kind of damages he likes to inflict. By the sound of it, he's emotionally and mentally abusing your sons. And that kind of damage is hard to detect.

A shame the judge felt that the boys were better off with their father all because he took hold of them and prevented you from having access to them.

Let's hope the judge will favour you in the end.

 

[DGirl101]

DGirl101,
First of all, I am glad you have an attorney who'd take your case on.

Secondly, I don't think you're overreacting because you know what that SOB is like and the kind of damages he likes to inflict. By the sound of it, he's emotionally and mentally abusing your sons. And that kind of damage is hard to detect.

A shame the judge felt that the boys were better off with their father all because he took hold of them and prevented you from having access to them.

Let's hope the judge will favour you in the end.

She does not favor him, in the court order she stated that (in layman's term, politely) He needs to grow up. She has seen all of my proof, afadavits from all people in organisations who have worked with me in the past with my situation back then.

She is allowing the chance for me and my sons to grow a close bond, before the final decision would be made regarding who will get permanent custody.

All I can do is write everything down, like I have been for the past 4 years.

I just hate the fact that I could not be there to help him when he was hurting.

 

[sallylou]

You need an attorney and a private investigator. Judges don't like parents who leave a kid in a car unintended (crying or not). The judge will be very interested in videos and photos of these kind of incidents. If a PI starts gathering evidence, you may find that this is the tip of the iceberg. Good luck!

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I would had reported the bastard to the cops for leaving your son in car ! He put your child at great risk of being kidnap or getting a heatstroke if it was hot out that day! The dad should not be allowed to have the kids and any judge that rules he should have the boys is a bastard too! No you're not over reacting , you have every rights to be really angry , I would bullshit if this happen to my child! I hope you have a real good lawyer to fight for you , you need to gert the boys aways from that bastard , he an abusive asshole! And he will not stop at leaving him in a car , I know what I am talking about ,I lived with drunk abusive dad!

 

[DGirl101]

You need an attorney and a private investigator. Judges don't like parents who leave a kid in a car unintended (crying or not). The judge will be very interested in videos and photos of these kind of incidents. If a PI starts gathering evidence, you may find that this is the tip of the iceberg. Good luck!

I do have an attorney, the private investigator I don't due to lack of finances to pay for one.

I am helping my attorney out as much as possible.

 

[Mrs Bucket]

One thing that bothers me is that no one called the police while this happened.

Your parents could easily have called the police and reported an abandoned child in a car alone. This itself is a crime.

I am bothered by the fact your parents parked in a car observing this and did nothing only to report to you.

If you truly want to have your children back, you cannot have this kind of behaviour from your parents.

I don't know if your parents were following the father around or not but it is illegal.

The fact your parents saw your son alone in a car, crying and did nothing about it is also illegal. It is called enabling an abuser.

 

[rockin'robin]

One thing that bothers me is that no one called the police while this happened.

Your parents could easily have called the police and reported an abandoned child in a car alone. This itself is a crime.

I am bothered by the fact your parents parked in a car observing this and did nothing only to report to you.

If you truly want to have your children back, you cannot have this kind of behaviour from your parents.

I don't know if your parents were following the father around or not but it is illegal.

The fact your parents saw your son alone in a car, crying and did nothing about it is also illegal. It is called enabling an abuser.

....and right you are, Ms Bucket.....Since they were the grandparents, why didn't they go over to the car, and ask "what's wrong?"....Something is missing here!....And when the husband came out of the store...why didn't the grandparents go over to say "Hello", and see their grandsons?...I would have done that right away if I saw my grandson or my son alone, crying in a car!

 

[jillio]

One thing that bothers me is that no one called the police while this happened.

Your parents could easily have called the police and reported an abandoned child in a car alone. This itself is a crime.

I am bothered by the fact your parents parked in a car observing this and did nothing only to report to you.

If you truly want to have your children back, you cannot have this kind of behaviour from your parents.

I don't know if your parents were following the father around or not but it is illegal.

The fact your parents saw your son alone in a car, crying and did nothing about it is also illegal. It is called enabling an abuser.

Good post, Mrs. B. Quite frankly, I am of the school of thought that we are all responsible for doing what is necessary to put an end to abusive and neglectful behaviors (over and above the fact that I am a mandated reporter). Society, as a whole, needs to get to the point where they are more inclined to take action than to ignore and assume someone else will take action.

 

[DGirl101]

One thing that bothers me is that no one called the police while this happened.

Your parents could easily have called the police and reported an abandoned child in a car alone. This itself is a crime.

I am bothered by the fact your parents parked in a car observing this and did nothing only to report to you.

If you truly want to have your children back, you cannot have this kind of behaviour from your parents.

I don't know if your parents were following the father around or not but it is illegal.

The fact your parents saw your son alone in a car, crying and did nothing about it is also illegal. It is called enabling an abuser.

I asked them that. They said his father came out just as they got into the parking spot. He nearly ran to his car and took off real fast.



Please dont think they enable his father. I told them the next time they see something. They must call the police. They agreed and felt guilty for not calling the police right then and there.

 

[DGirl101]

....and right you are, Ms Bucket.....Since they were the grandparents, why didn't they go over to the car, and ask "what's wrong?"....Something is missing here!....And when the husband came out of the store...why didn't the grandparents go over to say "Hello", and see their grandsons?...I would have done that right away if I saw my grandson or my son alone, crying in a car!

They would have. They were in the car getting ready to get out when his father came out of the store.

Again, I told them if something like this happened or anything else they witnessed. Call the police.

 

[DGirl101]

Good post, Mrs. B. Quite frankly, I am of the school of thought that we are all responsible for doing what is necessary to put an end to abusive and neglectful behaviors (over and above the fact that I am a mandated reporter). Society, as a whole, needs to get to the point where they are more inclined to take action than to ignore and assume someone else will take action.

Hence why I spoke to them about it upon the day I found out about it.

They agreed and felt that they should have called the police.

If my parents didn't why didn't anyone else?

 

[jillio]

Hence why I spoke to them about it upon the day I found out about it.

They agreed and felt that they should have called the police.

If my parents didn't why didn't anyone else?

True. Which is why I said we are all responsible.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

She does not favor him, in the court order she stated that (in layman's term, politely) He needs to grow up. She has seen all of my proof, afadavits from all people in organisations who have worked with me in the past with my situation back then.

She is allowing the chance for me and my sons to grow a close bond, before the final decision would be made regarding who will get permanent custody.

All I can do is write everything down, like I have been for the past 4 years.

I just hate the fact that I could not be there to help him when he was hurting.

What about your sons teachers, have they spoke to you about your sons being upset at school ? Maybe you could see if the boys notice any changes in your sons behavoir that could prove living with their dad is not safe! I really feel for your 10 years old son!

 

[DGirl101]

What about your sons teachers, have they spoke to you about your sons being upset at school ? Maybe you could see if the boys notice any changes in your sons behavoir that could prove living with their dad is not safe! I really feel for your 10 years old son!

I have asked time and time again from the school to allow me to speak to my sons teachers. I never get a response back. The Principle of the school was one of the afadavits my ex turned in. However, because I turned in my sons actual discliplinary report from my sons file. The principles afadavit was not reliable, because in it he said that there had been no discliplinary actions done in my son's school year. It really doesn't look good for the principle right now.

My son has been getting detention for not turning in his assignments and once for rudeness/disrespect. The detentions started in July of 2009. In his entire school history he has never had a detention, nor was he a troublemaker.

He is failing Math and Reading. The lack of response from the school at my request to see the teachers is sad. I try to help my son when he is with me, I try to make it fun and understandable for him.

I feel as if they don't care. I told them to contact me at anytime if there is a sign of struggle, or if he needed help but I have heard nothing so far.

 

[Miss-Delectable]

She does not favor him, in the court order she stated that (in layman's term, politely) He needs to grow up. She has seen all of my proof, afadavits from all people in organisations who have worked with me in the past with my situation back then.

She is allowing the chance for me and my sons to grow a close bond, before the final decision would be made regarding who will get permanent custody.

All I can do is write everything down, like I have been for the past 4 years.

I just hate the fact that I could not be there to help him when he was hurting.

Oh I see. Now I understand why the judge still let your ex have the kids for the time being.

I hope you'll get permanent custody

I wonder if your lawyer could obtain a security video of what happened in that carpark?