Advice for new parents

[Cole's mom]

I am the mom to an amazing 19 month old son who is deaf. I have been trying to learn and educate myself about everything the deaf experience. I have some questions, or maybe looking for reassurance that we are doing all that we can for our son.

Some background. Married parents to 4 kids, the first 3 hearing, and Cole our 4th is deaf. We knew of no deaf adults or kids before we found out about our son. He passed his newborn hearing, and we discovered his hearing loss about the age of 11 1/2 months. At that time, we referred to the doctors, audiologists and therapists, who are first on the list of referrals.
We did fit him with HA right away, but we did implant him unilaterally in March. We also started signing with him right away, and he picked up on it quickly.

From reading previous posts on this forum, I think that I have read most of the last few months of posts, my concerns are for his overall language development, not that he can speak beautifully. He still prefers to sign and likes to learn new information in sign. He is picking up on spoken language quickly as well, at least receptively, but he prefers to express in sign. My concerns come from myself not knowing even 1 sign before 6 months ago, and the lack of descriptive information that he receives visually. We talk to him all the time about things in his world, but I want him to be fluent in both.

How can you teach a kid in both sign and spoken language, specifically ASL, in a home that knew none, and 3 other kids who have a hard time remembering to sign. The preschool in our area uses Pidgen Sign, but we would have at least an hours drive to the nearest ASL program. My other question is if it appears that he is doing well with spoken language, what warning signs would you look for in the next few years that he isn't? I appreciate Shel's opinion on this due to her experience in the educational system. What would you recommend to families with our background who suddenly find themselves raising a deaf child. Sorry for rambling, feel free to answer whatever questions you can. Thanks!

 

[jillio]

I'm not shel, but I can give you some information regarding your concern that your home isn't fluent. Continue to sign by all means. You will improve along with your son. And, numerous studies have shown that a deaf child will surpass his models when his models are late learners of ASL. There have been case studies done, as well as cognitive research, that shows that a deaf child will intuit correct syntax, use of tenses, markers, etc. even when the input is not consistent, and make fewer errors than their late learning parents. The reason is that for the 11 1/2 months prior to your son being diagnosed, he was using a visual mode to interpret and make sense of his world. Visula processing comes naturally to him. That is also the reason he prefers sign, and uses it in any situation where he is asking for new information. Understanding in that mode is natural for him.

Worries about language delays: Don't stop signing, no matter how good his verbal skills seem to get. Obviously from his behavior, he is using oral skills for expressive communication to some degree, but if he relies on sign the way to reported, his receptive communication requires the visual input. As language development is more dependent upon the receptive, to drop the sign would be to impede his language development.

Make the drive. You'll thank yourself. I drove 45 minutes each way, 5 days a week when my son was that age for his preschool and to expose him to Deaf adults in a local Deaf club so he could pick up ASL in a natural environment. Believe me, it was well worth the time.

 

[Cole's mom]

Thanks Jillio,

I hoped that you would reply, from what it sounds like, you were in the same situation as us many years ago. I appreciate your response, and what you're telling me is what my gut is telling me. We do go to AVT, although it is obvious that we are not following it to a T. I have read many of the posts regarding letting your child decide and pro this and pro that, and I am wondering if anyone really can have the best of both worlds, sign and speech. Maybe I am asking too much. I ultimately want Cole to decide which way he wants to go, which is why we did implant him, so that when old enough, he has the best of that available to him, but I am trying to keep my blinders off, in that I recognize that many deaf people, once they get older, ditch the hearing aids and implants, and gravitate more toward the signing community. I am hopeful that we can provide him with both options. I am not that impressed with our local program, and it mostly is because already at age 3, these kids are behind due to not enough language exposure, so I don't want him to have lowered expectations due to the teachers focusing on the delayed kids. Maybe a drive is best...

 

[Cheri]

I'm with Jillo.

Cole's mom, I'm so glad you are using sign language method with your son too, keep using it. It's important to use all communication as possible. It does make a big differences in a child's life and (Sign language, Cued Speech, Auditory-Verbal, and Total communication.) the better that child's communication skills will become.

 

[deafdyke]

Well............another suggestion, is that you could have your son evaluated at a School for the Deaf, and see what educational program they think might be a good fit. You're really doing well with your son........and believe me.....it IS possible for your son to be able to get the best of both worlds!
Another idea is to contact your state's branch of NAD (National Association of the Deaf) and see if they might have a mentor program where a Deaf (or even CODA) adult comes to your house to mentor you in ASL.
Continue with what you're doing.........that's so awesome that you're openminded! Oh, and its also good that you're concerned about your son being the victim of lowered expectations. We dhh kids definitly NEED a specialized program, specifcly for the dhh rather then just general special ed. Its too easy for us to fall through the cracks. My advice is to make the hour drive so he can have a VERY good foundation for his later education.

 

[Cole's mom]

Thanks. One thing that we have found is that you get easily referred to those who will push oral and AV, but there is no automatic referral to a deaf mentor or sign program. I feel like for that I have to search and sort and make a big effort, or maybe just in our community, but those who will push oral and AV are all over you. I am not sure why that is, they seem to be more organized and the healthcare industry seems to support that more. I also feel more pressure to go the the speech sessions, while the deaf adults in our area don't really put that much effort into getting to know Cole. I can't blame them, they lead their own lives, and we really aren't pushing for it that much either. Part of me is very intimidated by it, that they will get frustrated with my slow and choppy signing, that I will be a chore that they have to put up with. I know that is probably not the case, but it just doesn't seem to be as accessible. I can see why some of you feel that it is easier for the parents to do oral, because it is. It is not that some of us intentionally leave the Deaf culture out, I think it is that oral keeps you so busy, it is hard to make time for both, which is what I think that we are missing, and what I think this board has opened my eyes to.

 

[Interpretrator]

Videos, videos, and videos!

Since obviously you have your hands full with your kids it's understandable that you might not be able to make it to ASL classes, but good for you for encouraging your son's linguistic preferences.

Harris Communications has a wide variety of learning materials:

Harris Communications - products for deaf, deafness, hard of hearing, hearing impaired, and hearing loss.

Here's a bunch of stuff for kids:

Children's Products for deaf and hard of hearing

For you I'd recommend the Signing Naturally video & text course. I found it a great learning tool, and your son might be able to learn from it as well even at his age.

Good luck!

 

[Cheri]

Awww... Cole's mom Don't worry about your slow sloppy signs, I'm not as good as some other deaf people are either and I am deaf believe it, They're much faster than I am. But, some of them don't hold that against me, and the ones I know wouldn't hold that against you either. Nobody perfect.

 

[jillio]

Thanks Jillio,

I hoped that you would reply, from what it sounds like, you were in the same situation as us many years ago. I appreciate your response, and what you're telling me is what my gut is telling me. We do go to AVT, although it is obvious that we are not following it to a T. I have read many of the posts regarding letting your child decide and pro this and pro that, and I am wondering if anyone really can have the best of both worlds, sign and speech. Maybe I am asking too much. I ultimately want Cole to decide which way he wants to go, which is why we did implant him, so that when old enough, he has the best of that available to him, but I am trying to keep my blinders off, in that I recognize that many deaf people, once they get older, ditch the hearing aids and implants, and gravitate more toward the signing community. I am hopeful that we can provide him with both options. I am not that impressed with our local program, and it mostly is because already at age 3, these kids are behind due to not enough language exposure, so I don't want him to have lowered expectations due to the teachers focusing on the delayed kids. Maybe a drive is best...

You are very welcome. And your gut is exactly what you should be lsitening to. The CI can be a wonderful tool, as long as you continue to realize it is just that--a tool. And it sounds like you have a good grasp on that, as well as the other issues facing your child and you.

The best of luck to you and Cole. Keep in touch with us on the board.

 

[jillio]

Thanks. One thing that we have found is that you get easily referred to those who will push oral and AV, but there is no automatic referral to a deaf mentor or sign program. I feel like for that I have to search and sort and make a big effort, or maybe just in our community, but those who will push oral and AV are all over you. I am not sure why that is, they seem to be more organized and the healthcare industry seems to support that more. I also feel more pressure to go the the speech sessions, while the deaf adults in our area don't really put that much effort into getting to know Cole. I can't blame them, they lead their own lives, and we really aren't pushing for it that much either. Part of me is very intimidated by it, that they will get frustrated with my slow and choppy signing, that I will be a chore that they have to put up with. I know that is probably not the case, but it just doesn't seem to be as accessible. I can see why some of you feel that it is easier for the parents to do oral, because it is. It is not that some of us intentionally leave the Deaf culture out, I think it is that oral keeps you so busy, it is hard to make time for both, which is what I think that we are missing, and what I think this board has opened my eyes to.

My signing was absolutely horrible when I first approached the Deaf community! They were very patient with me. Sometimes they laughed--but it was all in good fun, because they showed the how to correct what I was doing that caused them to laugh. In general, every deaf person I have ever met is very welcoming when they see you are making an effort to learn and understand, and that you are doing it for the sake of your deaf child. That is really all the community wants--for deaf children to have the opportunity to know and understand the language and the culture that is theirs by birthright.

 

[shel90]

I am the mom to an amazing 19 month old son who is deaf. I have been trying to learn and educate myself about everything the deaf experience. I have some questions, or maybe looking for reassurance that we are doing all that we can for our son.

Some background. Married parents to 4 kids, the first 3 hearing, and Cole our 4th is deaf. We knew of no deaf adults or kids before we found out about our son. He passed his newborn hearing, and we discovered his hearing loss about the age of 11 1/2 months. At that time, we referred to the doctors, audiologists and therapists, who are first on the list of referrals.
We did fit him with HA right away, but we did implant him unilaterally in March. We also started signing with him right away, and he picked up on it quickly.

From reading previous posts on this forum, I think that I have read most of the last few months of posts, my concerns are for his overall language development, not that he can speak beautifully. He still prefers to sign and likes to learn new information in sign. He is picking up on spoken language quickly as well, at least receptively, but he prefers to express in sign. My concerns come from myself not knowing even 1 sign before 6 months ago, and the lack of descriptive information that he receives visually. We talk to him all the time about things in his world, but I want him to be fluent in both.

How can you teach a kid in both sign and spoken language, specifically ASL, in a home that knew none, and 3 other kids who have a hard time remembering to sign. The preschool in our area uses Pidgen Sign, but we would have at least an hours drive to the nearest ASL program. My other question is if it appears that he is doing well with spoken language, what warning signs would you look for in the next few years that he isn't? I appreciate Shel's opinion on this due to her experience in the educational system. What would you recommend to families with our background who suddenly find themselves raising a deaf child. Sorry for rambling, feel free to answer whatever questions you can. Thanks!

Welcome to AD!!! How to teach a kid both? U cant right away which is why I believe in putting the child in a program that includes sign language and values deafness instead of an oral only program. I really feel those programs put the burden of being an ASL model on the parents and I dont agree with that. The oral programs should include sign language. My work's program offers both now..before we were ASL only but now due to the increasing number of students recieving CIs, we adapted our program to meet their needs. That's why I am not a big fan of oral only programs..they seem to have the philosophy "One size fits all" and I see so many of my studnets who were placed in those programs who didnt succeed and now they are playing catch up with their language development via ASL.

If there is no such program nearby, maybe hire an ASL tutor? I know some families who have mainstreamed CI children do hire ASL tutors cuz some of the deaf aides at my work have part time jobs as tutors. To me that is really nice of the families to do that for their children.

No, not everyone in the deaf community will bash u for implanting your child. If there are some, pls ignore those. My own personal opinion of that issue wont prevent me from welcoming any families of deaf children wanting to learn sign language and the deaf community.

 

[shel90]

Thanks Jillio,

I hoped that you would reply, from what it sounds like, you were in the same situation as us many years ago. I appreciate your response, and what you're telling me is what my gut is telling me. We do go to AVT, although it is obvious that we are not following it to a T. I have read many of the posts regarding letting your child decide and pro this and pro that, and I am wondering if anyone really can have the best of both worlds, sign and speech. Maybe I am asking too much. I ultimately want Cole to decide which way he wants to go, which is why we did implant him, so that when old enough, he has the best of that available to him, but I am trying to keep my blinders off, in that I recognize that many deaf people, once they get older, ditch the hearing aids and implants, and gravitate more toward the signing community. I am hopeful that we can provide him with both options. I am not that impressed with our local program, and it mostly is because already at age 3, these kids are behind due to not enough language exposure, so I don't want him to have lowered expectations due to the teachers focusing on the delayed kids. Maybe a drive is best...

U can have the best of both worlds with this positive and open-minded attitude you have.

 

[shel90]

Thanks. One thing that we have found is that you get easily referred to those who will push oral and AV, but there is no automatic referral to a deaf mentor or sign program. I feel like for that I have to search and sort and make a big effort, or maybe just in our community, but those who will push oral and AV are all over you. I am not sure why that is, they seem to be more organized and the healthcare industry seems to support that more. I also feel more pressure to go the the speech sessions, while the deaf adults in our area don't really put that much effort into getting to know Cole. I can't blame them, they lead their own lives, and we really aren't pushing for it that much either. Part of me is very intimidated by it, that they will get frustrated with my slow and choppy signing, that I will be a chore that they have to put up with. I know that is probably not the case, but it just doesn't seem to be as accessible. I can see why some of you feel that it is easier for the parents to do oral, because it is. It is not that some of us intentionally leave the Deaf culture out, I think it is that oral keeps you so busy, it is hard to make time for both, which is what I think that we are missing, and what I think this board has opened my eyes to.

Yea, typical medical field to push you towards the oral philosophy. Happened to my mom which is why I grew up orally so I blame the health industry and oral specialists for not recognizing that I am deaf and it would do me good to also meet other deaf people and the deaf community. I guess it is still happening now? probably even more so with the CIs?

What about going to deaf events that include children? Like here, we have the Maryland Metropilitan Kids of Deaf Adults and I get a newsletter of events. It is a great way for my two hearing kids to meet other deaf children or other hearing kids who have deaf parents. Hope there is something like that in your area?

 

[Cole's mom]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I am visiting an ASL program on Friday that has a preschool program. It is at least an hours drive, but if it best, so be it. On the website it shows kids with implants as well, so I am hoping that they have a pretty good balance of both, if that is possible. Ultimately, I don't really care which way Cole chooses, more ASL or more oral, but I feel the responsibilty to expose him to both. The reality is that our entire family, cousins, friends, church, etc... is hearing, and I value these people and they loved Cole as he was and is before they found out he is deaf, so I want him to have oral skills to be a part of that world, but I also don't want him to feel different and isolated in that world, hence the desire for the Deaf community.

 

[shel90]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I am visiting an ASL program on Friday that has a preschool program. It is at least an hours drive, but if it best, so be it. On the website it shows kids with implants as well, so I am hoping that they have a pretty good balance of both, if that is possible. Ultimately, I don't really care which way Cole chooses, more ASL or more oral, but I feel the responsibilty to expose him to both. The reality is that our entire family, cousins, friends, church, etc... is hearing, and I value these people and they loved Cole as he was and is before they found out he is deaf, so I want him to have oral skills to be a part of that world, but I also don't want him to feel different and isolated in that world, hence the desire for the Deaf community.

U are welcome and good luck! Keep us posted about the program if u can?

 

[jillio]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I am visiting an ASL program on Friday that has a preschool program. It is at least an hours drive, but if it best, so be it. On the website it shows kids with implants as well, so I am hoping that they have a pretty good balance of both, if that is possible. Ultimately, I don't really care which way Cole chooses, more ASL or more oral, but I feel the responsibilty to expose him to both. The reality is that our entire family, cousins, friends, church, etc... is hearing, and I value these people and they loved Cole as he was and is before they found out he is deaf, so I want him to have oral skills to be a part of that world, but I also don't want him to feel different and isolated in that world, hence the desire for the Deaf community.

That's great! You have the right attitude, and you and your son will be just fine because of that. Far too many parents want their deaf child to share their hearing experience, but they don't want to do the responsible thing and share their child's deaf experience. Your son is very lucky to have a mom like
you, and you will soon discover that having a deaf child can be a wonderful experience. I have a feeling that you will learn as much from your son as he learns from you. When my son was first diagnosed, I didn't realize that it goes both ways. Now that he is 21, I can look back and see how many things I have learned both from him, and because of him, and feel secure that my life is much richer and I am a better person from having been given the gift of a deaf child. I can't foretell the future, but I have a feeling that you are headed down that road too! Enjoy the journey!

 

[deafdyke]

so I want him to have oral skills to be a part of that world, but I also don't want him to feel different and isolated in that world, hence the desire for the Deaf community.

Excellent! That is awesome! I wish more parents realized this........oral only and mainstreaming doesn't automaticly give dhh kids a ticket to acceptance.

 

[Cole's mom]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling much more whole, if that makes sense, in our decisions for our son after spending some time on this website. Jillio, I know what you are saying about being thankful. Admittedly I was not at first, but having known for 7 months now, I can already say that I am thankful. And in ways that I wouldn't have expected. My husband and I comment frequently that is there really anything cuter than seeing a baby signing? I think what makes most parents sad initially is their kid will have to struggle or overcome challenges that they don't know how to handle. Once you start along the road, you see that it is all do-able. I have a friend whose daughter has much bigger delays, both cognitively and physically, and how thankful I am that this communication thing is what we have to bridge. Parents also mourn initially for what they percieve as a loss of closeness, I think. Nothing is certain, and I know that for extended family, they were sad because I think that realistically they knew they wouldn't take the time to learn sign, and that they would miss out on a close relationship. Which in return is probably why deaf parents are a bit joyful at having a child with hearing loss. Just a few observations, but to those of you who have taken the time to talk through issues and encourage me, you have helped more than you know. And I am respectful of your decisions against implants, and I thank you so much for being respectful of our decision as well.

 

[ange26s]

Cole's mom,I am also new to this forum.I totally understand where you are coming from.I want the best of both worlds for my daughter.I have alot of respect for the deaf community and I would love my daughter to apart of that.I also want my daughter to be able to verbally tell us how she feels or sing a song.My daughter is 7 months old and failed her newborn screening and three other test.She has severe to profound hearing loss and may be implanted bilaterally.Everyone has been great with us.We have 2 teachers from NC school of deaf and hard of hearing come to our home weekly to work with our daughter.One of her teachers helps her to listen and the other teaches us ASL.I couldn't imagine having to go to a ASL class.Both my husband and I go to school and he works full-time.We also have an 8 yr.old son.He is doing amazing with signing w/his little sis!Im glad I found this site b/c I havent been able to talk w/other parents going through the same thing.

 

[shel90]

Cole's mom,I am also new to this forum.I totally understand where you are coming from.I want the best of both worlds for my daughter.I have alot of respect for the deaf community and I would love my daughter to apart of that.I also want my daughter to be able to verbally tell us how she feels or sing a song.My daughter is 7 months old and failed her newborn screening and three other test.She has severe to profound hearing loss and may be implanted bilaterally.Everyone has been great with us.We have 2 teachers from NC school of deaf and hard of hearing come to our home weekly to work with our daughter.One of her teachers helps her to listen and the other teaches us ASL.I couldn't imagine having to go to a ASL class.Both my husband and I go to school and he works full-time.We also have an 8 yr.old son.He is doing amazing with signing w/his little sis!Im glad I found this site b/c I havent been able to talk w/other parents going through the same thing.

That's awesome that u are keeping your mind open with both worlds. My story was so different. I wish my parents would have been open-minded about exposing me to both worlds but they didnt know so I am not gonna hold it against them.

Good luck!!! That's sooo adorable about your 8 year old doing an amazing job of signing with his sister. ")