Adjustment to late onset deafness

It is an awesome thread. Thanks Deafdyke...I'll look up those organizations.
 
defgrl said:
I am getting two BTE's for my hearing loss. What drives me nuts is all the silly things people OUTSIDE the Community think about those who are INSIDE the Community. I identify as "HOH" and am starting to be accepted by the Community. But I still like to do "Hearing" things like sing in a choir or even play a flute. People can't seem to fathom that a HOH could do these things.

defgrl
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Way to go- sounds good. You will also have better chance for higher amplification if you end up needing it.
 
FINALLY got my new hearing aids

I got my HAs on Friday and I just LOVE them! I have read so many books on how to"cope" with hearing loss. These were books written for people who want to (re)join the Hearing world. Which is a valid choice for a lotr of people. BUT, I would like to see a book written by, about, and for people who go through an "identity crisis" and then join the Deaf Community as HOH/Deaf. Just so people will know that THAT can be a choice for some as well.

Until recently, I was vacillating between "hearing impaired"/HOH. I think I will just call myself HOH for right now. It's what I feel most comfortable with.It is what "fits."

defgrl:D
 
its nice to hear you are feeling better about things regarding your HA's. Wether or not you go on in deaf culture or hearing culture is your choice. I think we just want to be respected amongst our peers
 
DeafLissa90 said:
Wow It was great to see your story, Bear!! It must be hard on late deafened people. I hope life is a bit better for you now with your implant!!
I feel you should have been given a lot more help!!
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Thanks DeafLissa,

yes life has gotten lots better for me as I got older, The CI is just a benefit for me now. I am totally happy with my deafness, as it did open up a new world for me. Im not sure if it is still hard on latened deaf, but I will say that it is hard on CIers. Many of us face so much criticism for getting the implant. Many people do not stop to consider why we may want one.

And yeah it would have been nice to have a lot more help and saved me about a year's worth of misery. I just wish the d/Deaf/HOH/CI were more accepting of each other NO MATTER WHAT. That is my dream.
 
November Gypsy said:
Wonderful story! I wanted to thank you for the great point on being allowed to greive for our loss without being teased or worse. I can think of three or four Deaf people who need to have that idea stapled to the wall across their bed so they can be reminded every morning. And, you are right, given time, I think most of us will be able to be comfortable with ourselves as deaf people. But we need time, and that shouldn't be the issue it is to some people. What some born-deaf people don't get is that going deaf to us is a loss...like going blind (if they can see) would be to them.

Anyway, loved to read your story. It was great to know it!
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Me too, i know some assholes "deafies' thinking they're trueblue Deaf, nope they are just full of hate and they contribute to this double whammy of oppression, from both hearing and Deaf. In my opinion those so-called "Deafs" aren't deaf, they are just power mongers are utterly immature.
 
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November Gypsy said:
Wonderful story! I wanted to thank you for the great point on being allowed to greive for our loss without being teased or worse. I can think of three or four Deaf people who need to have that idea stapled to the wall across their bed so they can be reminded every morning. And, you are right, given time, I think most of us will be able to be comfortable with ourselves as deaf people. But we need time, and that shouldn't be the issue it is to some people. What some born-deaf people don't get is that going deaf to us is a loss...like going blind (if they can see) would be to them.

Anyway, loved to read your story. It was great to know it!
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Thanks!! and yeah I do believe that we do need to be given time and understanding. You know I have been deaf for 20+years and Im gonna admit something that scares me to admit, especially here, but there are days when I still miss being hearing. There are days when I would give anything to have my hearing back. Does this mean that I still havent accepted that Im deaf and never will be hearing again? No, it just means that I am a normal person that still mourns the loss of hearing. If someone tells you that they dont, *latened deaf that is, not born deaf*, I would have to say they are lying. Because the truth is, we all have our days when we still get angry over being deaf. There are days when we all ask, why me?
 
I'm so glad that I found this forum. I'm Stephanie, 29, and I have been deaf for 5 months. Before that, I had standard, average, everday hearing. :hmm:

So far, I've just been......pushing forward, I guess. Kind of jumping in with no regard to the consequences sometimes. The isolation gets to me though. I work on my communication skills (Hey, I can order fast food now like a pro!) but honestly, most of the time.....all the words look the same--it's plain old deduction and guesswork. I'm learning to sign, but I feel a lot like a toddler. Pointing at an object and knowing the "name" of it.

My circle of friends has dwindled to around 1 or 2. lol I'm in a new town...I want to go out and meet people--but I just can't figure out how! :giggle: Who can I REALLY have a fluid conversation with? (And I just can't get over how/why people stare at my ears! Does this happen to anyone else?! It's just craziness. :laugh2:)

I DO miss my old life. I played (and was really into) music. I miss dating...so far all of my experiments have not turned out well. I have no idea what I'm going to do about a job.....I don't see too many newspaper ads for a deaf medical transcriptionist. :cool2: I've never been very visual, other than, you know....SEEING. So, it's been an adjustment.

However, it hasn't been all bad. It's changed my priorities....I notice a lot more nonverbal communication (which is funny, sometimes.) It seems to bring out the best AND worst in other people. It's almost like having a hidden view into someone's character.

But, I've probably told enough of my life story. I'm just grateful to find a thread (a STICKY, even.) for people like me.
 
Bear said:
Thanks!! and yeah I do believe that we do need to be given time and understanding. You know I have been deaf for 20+years and Im gonna admit something that scares me to admit, especially here, but there are days when I still miss being hearing. There are days when I would give anything to have my hearing back. Does this mean that I still havent accepted that Im deaf and never will be hearing again? No, it just means that I am a normal person that still mourns the loss of hearing. If someone tells you that they dont, *latened deaf that is, not born deaf*, I would have to say they are lying. Because the truth is, we all have our days when we still get angry over being deaf. There are days when we all ask, why me?
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*Big hugs* I have no doubt you are right: I can't believe any late-deafened person could say with complete honesty that they never miss hearing. That's rediculous. Of course we miss hearing sometimes. It was part of who we were, just like being deaf is part of who we are now. You can't cut off a limb and say you don't miss it occasionally, even if you have totally adjusted to living without it. Deafness is a life in and of its self, and it can be as great as any other life...but humans have a hard time with change, especially on an emotional level, and sometimes we look back because we are just human. That's fine. It's so sad that it's scary to admit that in a place like this. I understand why it is though...I'm a little nervous writing this response, but in this case ,I really believe what I'm saying. Am I any less of a person because I'm deaf? No. Am I a different person because I am deaf? Yes. Do I have a right to miss the old me on occasion (as long as I am not wallowing in self-pity)? You bet. *Hugs again* I totally get where you are coming from.
 
November Gypsy said:
*Big hugs* I have no doubt you are right: I can't believe any late-deafened person could say with complete honesty that they never miss hearing. That's rediculous. Of course we miss hearing sometimes. It was part of who we were, just like being deaf is part of who we are now. You can't cut off a limb and say you don't miss it occasionally, even if you have totally adjusted to living without it. Deafness is a life in and of its self, and it can be as great as any other life...but humans have a hard time with change, especially on an emotional level, and sometimes we look back because we are just human. That's fine. It's so sad that it's scary to admit that in a place like this. I understand why it is though...I'm a little nervous writing this response, but in this case ,I really believe what I'm saying. Am I any less of a person because I'm deaf? No. Am I a different person because I am deaf? Yes. Do I have a right to miss the old me on occasion (as long as I am not wallowing in self-pity)? You bet. *Hugs again* I totally get where you are coming from.
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Thanks!! And yeah it is sad that we cant just fully admit our feelings out in the deaf community without fearing that SOMEONE, anyone would yell at us or whatever, and say things like, you just havent accepted being deaf! Or like you just think hearing is better than deaf. When it's really not true. And yes, you hit it dead on in your reply to me, exactly how one feels after being latened deaf.

The one thing I can't stand though is when we get that we arent deaf enough or that we werent born deaf so therefore we do not belong to the deaf community. Its getting less, with that response, but you would be surprised how much we still get that.

If we arent deaf enough or because we werent born deaf, we dont belong and to the hearing community, we dont belong because we arent totally hearing, then I ask where do we belong?

Hopefully, asking that will give some something to think about.
 
I've found the right place! Hi, everyone! :wave:

I'm hard of hearing. I'm 45 YO. I got my BTE HAs about 2 years ago and I've adjusted pretty well. I have hereditary hearing loss. It's most likely a progressive hearing loss, and it's the progressive part that I'm having difficulty with.

I'm afraid. :Ohno: I'm afraid of being vulnerable. I'm afraid that I won't be able to continue my profession. I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm afraid of being alone. Probably the same things that other people in the same circumstances fear.

Sometimes I cry then I pick myself up and move on. I guess that I'm in the grieving stage right now. I'm trying to be really in touch with my feelings and give myself time to sort out all of my emotions. This has been a bigger challenge that I expected. I had prepared for the *possibility* of getting the gene but the *reality* of having the genetic loss is totally different than the possibility.

Sometimes it's so hard to listen that I just want to tune out of the hearing world. I've always been a very visual person so I rely on printed material and the computer (thank dog for technology!).

I've been working on boundaries. I'm good about asking people to accommodate my needs. If a person is not willing to help me communicate, then I question whether the relationship is good for me. I told one person that I had a hearing loss and later she said "I thought that you were joking!" Yea, because hearing loss is so funny and I'd joke about that. This person is no longer my friend. What a freak! :rofl2:

I look forward to everyone's insights and ideas.
 
sallylou said:
I've found the right place! Hi, everyone! :wave:

I'm hard of hearing. I'm 45 YO. I got my BTE HAs about 2 years ago and I've adjusted pretty well. I have hereditary hearing loss. It's most likely a progressive hearing loss, and it's the progressive part that I'm having difficulty with.

I'm afraid. :Ohno: I'm afraid of being vulnerable. I'm afraid that I won't be able to continue my profession. I'm afraid of being rejected. I'm afraid of being alone. Probably the same things that other people in the same circumstances fear.

Sometimes I cry then I pick myself up and move on. I guess that I'm in the grieving stage right now. I'm trying to be really in touch with my feelings and give myself time to sort out all of my emotions. This has been a bigger challenge that I expected. I had prepared for the *possibility* of getting the gene but the *reality* of having the genetic loss is totally different than the possibility.

Sometimes it's so hard to listen that I just want to tune out of the hearing world. I've always been a very visual person so I rely on printed material and the computer (thank dog for technology!).

I've been working on boundaries. I'm good about asking people to accommodate my needs. If a person is not willing to help me communicate, then I question whether the relationship is good for me. I told one person that I had a hearing loss and later she said "I thought that you were joking!" Yea, because hearing loss is so funny and I'd joke about that. This person is no longer my friend. What a freak! :rofl2:

I look forward to everyone's insights and ideas.
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Welcome to AD, Sallylou, and to this thread. I'm sure that you will find others that understand exactly what you are feeling as they have gone down that path, or are currently going down that path. By sharing experiences, both good and bad, each individual that posts here becomes a bit stronger and more confident. We are happy to have you.
 
Hi my name is geri from hartlepool in the north east i have only been totally deaf for 6-7 years now and still trying to come to terms with it i miss out on such a lot of things
i am a newbie.
i live in silence but see much more
 
Hi Sallylou my name is Geri from the uk
i am a lady of 48 who has only been tottaly deaf for 7 yeard i sit and weep some time with pure frustration at how some people treat me. if you would to reply please do so at geri.james@ymail.com hope to hear from you thank you buy Geri
 
Hi Geri, and Sallylou. You guys are new? Welcome. Do either of you sign? I am late deaf, and am learning ASL with a young fellow who acts as my interpretor. I had a "real" interpretor for a while, but she left. No use staying in a four deaf person town. We do ok. I love this chat room. You will meet lots of nice folks.
 
Hi, nan! I see that you're in San Angelo, which explains the small place. I've spent some time there, and it's a nice place.

I'm in Houston and that gives me access to more resources. Fortunately, there's a deaf church close to my home, where I can take ASL classes. My kids are home for the summer right now, but I plan to start in the fall.

I'm also planning to attend a deaf/HOH support group in a couple of seeks. I'll let you know how that goes!

There's a deaf coffee group that meets about 20-20 minutes away from my house, so I will have more people to practice ASL with. Maybe I'll organize a deaf coffee in my neighborhood in the future.

I'm a cub scout leader, and the pack leaders have been very supportive. I've been busy planning and organizing some summer events. That's been keeping me busy this summer. I'm also going to take Spanish lessons with my teenager. I'm highly visual so I will rely on the textbook a lot. With my hearing aids, I think that I can cope (but it'll probably make me very tired!). Before you know it summer will be over and I'll be able to sign up for ASL classes while the kids are at school or in the evening.

Geri, have you been able to locate resources in your area? You might search for support groups in your area. Your local community center or health care provides may be able to assist you in finding resources. Keep on reaching out!
 
Lost Hearing in 20s

I lost my hearing suddenly in my mid 20s from ototoxicity (chemical deafness). I lost everything, literally, and if not for the community support I received... I am not sure where I would be.

Now, years later, I lip read proficiently and, except for you wonderful mustached men, I get most of everything said to me. I can hear certain sounds and at times my hearing waivers and I can hear a few more sounds... but nothing compared to real hearing as everything is distorted. I have an 800# where my messages from clients and coworkers are sent to a transcription company and then returned to me with my messages, Blackberry is my constant companion, and I also carry a small laptop with me where ever I go. Always. I use it in case I have a hard time reading someone.

I work hard at socialization, constantly. I have become very touchy feely, which can put people off. I crave the contact that not hearing them has taken from me.

Something I struggle with a lot is that I fear large crowds. I don't have anxiety problems, but it is very rare that I will go alone into a large crowd without a trusted friend with me. I prefer 2 to 3 person groups, at the most 4.

My brain has been rewired for small groups, I think. I even notice when I am in text-based chat rooms, I can't seem to concentrate on the stream when it gets over a certain number of people.

There are other struggles as well, of course, but I meet them as I go. My life is wonderful and full and I have to work for things, sure, but who doesn't? The pain at first can seem more than you can deal with perhaps, and I hope those born deaf understand my meaning... it is quite an upheaval and the human condition would predispose anyone to a period of mourning at having lost something so relied on.

Don't ever be afraid or too proud to ask for help. We all need help from time to time.

Love,

Chie
 
I must say, it is very depressing to me to read these posts. I'm not completely deaf yet, but it looks more and more like it's about to happen.
You all mention jobs, and "community support," which would be nice. I graduated from college two years ago and have spent every day since begging for the kind of work I went to school to avoid. I can't get hired at Wal-Mart or McDonald's because they have personality tests you must pass, and I can't. As for community support, I am living with my brother and father who tease me about my hearing loss, and my mother is too busy finishing a doctoral degree to help me at the moment.
I'm working at a restaurant in a kitchen with a very loud oven/vent system, and my boss and coworkers are getting very tired of repeating themselves to me over and over. I don't read lips, and that doesn't help.
I suffer from temporal lobe seizures which have the symptoms of various mood disorders - it was only recently diagnosed as such because for years the doctors thought I was mentally ill, until my symptoms grew so varied that they realized they couldn't be explained by a psychological disorder. I have been in and out of mental hospitals for years, including a criminal commitment resulting from a toxic reaction to a medication change. As a result, I can't pass a background check to get any kind of respectable job.
My hearing loss isn't caused by any kind of chronic illness or hereditary condition. I had intermittent ear infections when I was young, and had so many operatons on my ears that the scar tissue is causing my eardrums to collapse.
Everything seems hopeless right now.
 
:wave:everybody and welcome again to chie, sallylou and Jervis,

I was recently discovered to have hearing loss by husband's audi <husband oral- deaf w/o aids> and also have math-related LD <diagnosed in college, includes spatial orientation and sequencing difficulty> and may be having issues related to CAPD <that's part of why I had said in a post in a different section I was worried about new job>. I was born premature at 6 and 1/2 months and was labeled as having speech and language problems, I spoke late and used gestures/body language as a toddler. I am an extremely visual-tactile person and sign some ASL. My supervisor gets very tired and frustrated with my asking him to show me something and/or repeat something again and again - just because I hear something doesn't mean I process it. I just keep trying and I write things down. But I understand it is very challenging to continue trying. I am saddened to hear about the lack of family support, Jervis. I think it does make it more difficult - my mother, while loving and kind, does not believe I have LD and that I simply don't try. I understand.
We have Deaf Coffees in my area too. Perhaps there is a local group <for the newcomers> like Late Deafened Association or Center for Deaf and hard of hearing. :grouphug:
 
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