Why my wife and I want our children to hear and speak a little.

Fragmenter said:

I'm afraid but aren't you guys hearing? You don't know what it's like to live in a silent world.

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I don't know what it is like. You're right about that.

Fragmenter said:

Not all deaf people want to be deaf so why can't their feelings be respected?

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True. But a lot of born-deaf people don't care about hearing because they never experienced it either. A quote comes to mind here: You can't miss what you haven't experienced.

I'm not arguing with you--I'm actually agreeing with you on this post.

Are you sure youre gnulinuxman? LOL. Well, we have something we can agree on!

I don't know what I'm missing out on but I sure am curious about it.

BTW, Microsoft rules j/k

sr171soars said:

There are some of us deaf particularily HOH types that never were in the deaf community to begin with.

They basically said I was hearing but that is not true as I'm neither truly deaf nor hearing (a 'tweener). That sense of rejection kind of pointed out to me that "who needs this" and continue on with my life in the hearing world. Since, I went to college, I have always been accepted in the hearing world and it was all I needed to function and survive. Now, I realize I'm one of those overachievers who can fool just about any hearing person into thinking I'm hearing. It might have been a different issue if I couldn't do what I could do with listening and speaking abilities.

Hope that explains my position better...I will say that I had to pay a price for that assimilation effort but it has paid off in spades for me. I have a saying that I'm a hearing person who happens to be deaf!

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Know for sure what you're talking about, went through same thing. Still, lol.
Stacie

Fragmenter said:

Are you sure youre gnulinuxman? LOL. Well, we have something we can agree on!

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Yes, I'm gnulinuxman... The same one you called a closed-minded peabrain...

I just tire of all the "CI's are so wonderful" posts from people who don't have them and late-deafened people who have had them. I try to show the other side of the issue. Like Bear said, I hope people look at both sides of it before deciding. Biased viewpoints can be either all-good or all-bad.

Fragmenter said:

I don't know what I'm missing out on but I sure am curious about it.

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Curiosity is human nature.

It's in the past. I'm over it myself.

You gotta keep in mind that I've been against CI for 25 years until last week... We have taken in everything and this is what we've banked on. Let's say our theory is we're just being early adopters because the future landscape will be totally different 15 years later and this is a preemptive strike in our humble opinions.

gnulinuxman said:

...
I just tire of all the "CI's are so wonderful" posts from people who don't have them and late-deafened people who have had them. I try to show the other side of the issue. Like Bear said, I hope people look at both sides of it before deciding. Biased viewpoints can be either all-good or all-bad.
...

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I understand what you are saying but remember, I'm not late-deafened (unlike one who implies I am [no not you]) and therefore what a CI does for me is just great in my estimation (never heard this well before).

Agreed about biased viewpoints either way. I did put up a nice long list for Bear to help with evaluation issues following what Neecy said about negative issues. It all about risks and what is one willing to take. Unlike the born-deafened, I just had to have hearing...I had pandora's box opened too long to let it go now. Each to their own...

Fragmenter said:

It's in the past. I'm over it myself.

You gotta keep in mind that I've been against CI for 25 years until last week... We have taken in everything and this is what we've banked on. Let's say our theory is we're just being early adopters because the future landscape will be totally different 15 years later and this is a preemptive strike in our humble opinions.

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I am interested in your "defining" moment about CIs...you may have mentioned it but it escapes me. What was it that changed everything?

Cloggy said:

Welcome,
It's wonderful to see you here.
Hope you'll share some more experiences with us.

Nice meeting you

Cloggy

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looks like a good group discussion -- I'm learning more and more about CI and I sure am glad I am keeping an open mind.
one thing before I continue -- Fragmenter has a mind of his own and please do not ask me to "scold" him -- I rather just stand by eating my popcorn while he discusses/argues with others -- me hands off, okay?
Cloggy, I will most certainly be very happy to answer questions -- my husband and I are 1st generation deaf; we have deaf and hoh siblings, children and grandchildren
I was raised in a famous oral school (please don't ask me which one at this point -- I'm new to this forum) and my parents took me out early and entered me into 6th grade at public school and I went on to hearing high school and graduated without having an interpreter -- I am profoundly deaf and like my grandson, hearing aids do not help me -- I was introduced to the Deaf community when I was about 14 and got very involved with the Deaf -- it was my life when I'm not in school; I can be considered to be Deaf
my husband went to the state school for the deaf so he is Deaf and we have adult deaf children; I am so proud of my husband -- he was the one that took the initiative and told our son we will support him and his wife in their decision for their son
greema

One thing that a lot of people fail to understand is that there are so many different "flavors" of deafness, just as there are different individuals themselves. I hear time and time again that people who are deaf should be "proud" of it, and if they aren't then that means they are ashamed of themselves. I don't think that's really the case, as has been pointed out earlier, there are some people who have accepted the fact that they are deaf but that doesn't mean they LIKE it. It also doesn't mean they are ashamed of it. I wish I had beautiful long blonde hair, instead of my dishwater brown, but that doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it either. We can accept who we are, while wanting something else - and if we take the steps to achieve that, if we are happy, then after all is said and done, that should be all that really matters.

sr171soars said:

There are some of us deaf particularily HOH types that never were in the deaf community to begin with. I have no beef with the deaf community at all and it explains my current gig visiting this site (to learn more about my dark side...er deaf side [lest anybody be offended...just a pun!!!]). So, if I were never a part of it, then who I'm I shunning?

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You wouldn't be shunning anybody in my mind. What I said was "if you were part of a community and made friends there" Based on what you've said, you don't fall into that catagory.

I have totally assimulated myself into the hearing world and I have no friends or family in the deaf world. The closet I get to it is a hearing friend who happens to be a very good deaf interpretator for our church's deaf group. I don't know how to sign as it has never been necessary for me to do so. Should I? Well, if I knew that I would use often, maybe I would. Languages are hard to learn and even harder to keep (especially when you are older).

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I absolutly agree with you. I am learning sign and at my age it's not such an easy thing for me. Especially to retain it when I don't have opportunity to use it on a regular basis.

I will repeat a story that partly explains my orientation to the hearing world. I was visiting a former deaf teacher (when I used to be in a deaf school for about four years before being mainstreamed) at G.U. in DC. I couldn't believe the snotty attitudes toward me! They basically said I was hearing but that is not true as I'm neither truly deaf nor hearing (a 'tweener). That sense of rejection kind of pointed out to me that "who needs this" and continue on with my life in the hearing world.

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That's to bad and I would say (at the risk of using an overused word) that they were audists. And you are right. If you try to become part of a group and are rejected, then to hell with it. I don't blame you and I would have done the same thing.

Since, I went to college, I have always been accepted in the hearing world and it was all I needed to function and survive. Now, I realize I'm one of those overachievers who can fool just about any hearing person into thinking I'm hearing. It might have been a different issue if I couldn't do what I could do with listening and speaking abilities. Hope that explains my position better...I will say that I had to pay a price for that assimilation effort but it has paid off in spades for me. I have a saying that I'm a hearing person who happens to be deaf!

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I would hope that the hearing world would accept you regardless of your ability to fool someone into thinking you are hearing. But I guess there are people out there that have no compassion towards others which is sad.

Hope that explains my position better...I will say that I had to pay a price for that assimilation effort but it has paid off in spades for me. I have a saying that I'm a hearing person who happens to be deaf!

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Sorry, yes it explains it much better and thank you. I forgot to ask what the price was? If it was being rejected by the extreme left in the deaf community, was it really a price?

rockdrummer said:

Sorry, yes it explains it much better and thank you. I forgot to ask what the price was? If it was being rejected by the extreme left in the deaf community, was it really a price?

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Naw, that wasn't the real price. None of that stuff really matters anyway when you get to the nitty gritty.

The price was to understand that I only could so far to be like a hearing person but never quite be one. The other side of the that coin was that I would never be fully deaf either. The real price was the pychological one I paid and paid in full to accomplish what I did. It wasn't easy but as I said before it paid off in spades. I almost broke pychologically doing what I did but then I learned how to live with who and what I am and accept it and everything fell in place.

There is a lot of pain being a 'tweener that neither the hearing nor the truly deaf understand and never will understand. But that is okay because I finally gotten what I really wanted to be treated as more or less an equal to the hearing. That didn't happen until I was in college which was my watershed moment (melodramatically...my crowning glory). I have never looked back since then. When my hearing was declining in recent years, a CI was my last grasp on keeping my dream. It has done that and more than I ever expected it to...so much closer...

neecy said:

One thing that a lot of people fail to understand is that there are so many different "flavors" of deafness, just as there are different individuals themselves. I hear time and time again that people who are deaf should be "proud" of it, and if they aren't then that means they are ashamed of themselves. I don't think that's really the case, as has been pointed out earlier, there are some people who have accepted the fact that they are deaf but that doesn't mean they LIKE it. It also doesn't mean they are ashamed of it. I wish I had beautiful long blonde hair, instead of my dishwater brown, but that doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it either. We can accept who we are, while wanting something else - and if we take the steps to achieve that, if we are happy, then after all is said and done, that should be all that really matters.

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AMEN to that!

This is my dream -- deafies from all walks of life getting along with each other AND with the hearing people! Props to everyone in this thread

rockdrummer said:

...
I would hope that the hearing world would accept you regardless of your ability to fool someone into thinking you are hearing....

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Er...let me make that a little clearer...I didn't intend it to come out the way you said it. My intention wasn't fool the hearing so they accept me but rather be able to come across like the hearing on their terms. Those who finally knew me better and realized my situation actually stepped up to the plate and accomodated me. Works both ways you know...

Old adage..."When in Rome, do as the Romans do"

sr171soars said:

There is a lot of pain being a 'tweener that neither the hearing nor the truly deaf understand and never will understand.

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I think I can relate to you but not completely... as you can tell, I love chatting and I enjoy the English language a lot because I feel I can express myself through it just as well as ASL. I often become frustrated because I can't verbally communicate with the hearing to express myself. I keep wanting both worlds to to blend in together but they won't.

Fragmenter said:

This is my dream -- deafies from all walks of life getting along with each other AND with the hearing people! Props to everyone in this thread

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Amen Brother!!

Fragmenter said:

I think I can relate to you but not completely... as you can tell, I love chatting and I enjoy the English language a lot because I feel I can express myself through it just as well as ASL. I often become frustrated because I can't verbally communicate with the hearing to express myself. I keep wanting both worlds to to blend in together but they won't.

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That is exactly how I feel from the hearing perspective. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to not be proficient in ASL. This medium I believe bridges the gap somewhat.

sr171soars said:

Er...let me make that a little clearer...I didn't intend it to come out the way you said it. My intention wasn't fool the hearing so they accept me but rather be able to come across like the hearing on their terms. Those who finally knew me better and realized my situation actually stepped up to the plate and accomodated me. Works both ways you know...Old adage..."When in Rome, do as the Romans do"

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Thanks! From your last 2 posts, I understand more now about where you are comming from. The psychological aspect could be eaisly overlooked. Thanks for pointing that out.

sr171soars said:

I am interested in your "defining" moment about CIs...you may have mentioned it but it escapes me. What was it that changed everything?

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I tried to fool myself that my son was having progress with his hearing aids the last couple of years. I could tell he couldn't hear nor speak as well as his younger sister. When the school explained to us clearly that he would always struggle with even the best HA's and that if we wanted him to continue developing his speech and hearing abilities, that CI was the last option after HA's.

It took me 2 hours of soul searching and a long conversation with a close hearing friend to feel this calmness pushing out my fears. I took the rest of the day off from work to be with my wife. We had a talk about a 5 year old boy with deaf parents we knew who was implanted a year ago... I remember being impressed how well he pronounced words and how well he conversed with us in sign language last month. That encounter kind of took away all the negative thoughts I had about CI all on its own.

It took humility, wisdom and love to change my feelings.