Flat-D

I am deeply saddened by the continued efforts of the medical establishment to "cure" Farting people. We are a people possessed of a unique and rich cultural heritage and history, who are proud to be Farting, and we do not want to become odorless. We have tolerated the oppression of our cultural identity long enough. Many of us are old enough to remember the days when we were isolated from the rest of "normal" society and treated as malevolent outcasts. We remember our shameful childhoods and the repeated visits to the doctor’s offices as our tearful parents had us outfitted with the latest and most sophisticated butt plugs and flexible tube and gas bag devices. We remember riding the "little" bus to school, and the hostile glares we got from the odorless drivers on the road as our gas mask wearing driver sped down the freeway with all the windows rolled down and the back door hanging open. We painfully recall spending our school years isolated from the mainstream students, shamefully sequestered away in cinder block outbuildings equipped with industrial turbo fans and charcoal filtered window vents. We remember the endless hours of forced anal sphincter control exercises, and how our odorless teachers would tell us that we were "just lazy" and that we could we could become like odorless people if we would only try hard enough. Later, as adults, we would experience repeated discrimination in the job market as we were told by prospective employers that it was not within the company’s budget to provide the expensive ventilation systems needed to make the workplace accessible to Farting employees. We wept as we saw too many of our friends and family members undergo expensive and dangerous surgical procedures in a futile attempt to make them odorless.

We will no longer tolerate the continued oppression of our culture, our heritage, and the uniqueness of our means of expression. We do not want to be pitied or told that we are "digestively impaired". We are Farting—and we are proud. We are overjoyed when our children are born Farting, and we raise them to respect and uphold Farting culture and values. We hope that they will aspire to become the future leaders of the Farting community, and to follow in the footsteps of some of the greatest Farters in Farting history, such as Joseph Pujol. (Google it). Meanwhile, we will continue to struggle to bridge the gap between the Farting and the odorless worlds, and to work towards a future for ourselves and our children in a world where Farting people are accepted as a cultural minority within mainstream society, and towards the day when odorless people realize that Farting people can do everything except squeeze their sphincter muscles.

Macho sized bean burritos to the people—Farting pride is here.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top