jillio
New Member
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2006
- Messages
- 60,232
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This is something that I have noticed a few times before and wondered about, but never started a thread to discuss it because it always seems to fade into the sunset after a short time. Just recently, though, the same thing seems to be happening, and it is hanging on this time. So, I've got some observations and some questions.
I'll start my explanation with a "for instance" situation. Now, I am browsing around the internet, and I see a site that I think might be interesting and something I would like to participate in. I visit the site and check it out just to see what it's all about. I discover that the majority of the people that belong to that particular site have very different views about that topic and don't share my values at all. Do I join that site? Do I then spend hours of my time telling them that their beliefs and their values are just plain silly and make no sense? Do I reinterate over and over that I have no desire to be a part of their group? Nope to all of the above. I simply leave the site and don't return.
But around here, it appears that we have people joining for no other reason that to tell us over and over and over again that they have no desire to be a part of the Deaf community, that their values and their beliefs about deafness are polar opposites of what the majority of this community represents, that our ideas about Deaf Culture are figments of our imagination. And they don't say it once. They keep coming back and saying the same things over and over and over.
Incongruency. Words and actions do not match up. If one has no desire to be a part of a group that largely represents the Deaf Community, why in the world to they take the time to register and members, and then spend their valuable time reading and posting here? If one believes that the very concept of Deaf Culture in not valid, why join a forum called AllDEAF, and waste their time reading and posting in threads devoted to the topic of culture? If one has never been a part of the Deaf Community, feels their live is complete without ever being a part of a Deaf Community, and feels that the values held by that Deaf Community are something they could never embrace, what the heck are they doing hanging around an online Deaf Community? Incongruency.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love it when people come in and say things like, "I don't know anything about Deaf Culture, but I have been reading some of the posts here, and think it is something I would like to investigate and learn more about." Even if, after a while, they decide that it really is not for them, they have at least stayed around long enough to learn and develop respect for the culture. Not for you, okay. Nice to have met you, and maybe we'll see you somewhere else sometime. No biggie.
But what bothers me, and I suspect bothers a lot of you, is those that come in and don't know anything about the culture, don't attempt to learn anything about the culture, don't have any desire to become a part of the community that embraces the culture, and feel the need to tell us that over and over and over. Why? We saw what you said the first time. You don't want to be a part of Deaf Culture. We get it. No need to repeat it. See you down the line.
My take on this is: these individuals that so vehemently protest the need for Deaf Culture, the validity of Deaf Culture, and the value of Deaf Culture are trying harder to convince themselves what they say is true than they are us. There was some sort of an interest in being in communication with other deaf people or they would never have visited a site devoted to deafness. If they truly did not want to be a part of a group that represents the Deaf, by majority of the membership, they would simply leave and go their merry way. But they don't. Incongruency.
I think it is very likely that they are simply unable to be honest with themselves, and use this site as a way to try to convince themselves that their lives are all rosy and they do not now, nor have they ever, needed the company and friendship of other deaf people. They have devoted their lives to making every effort and working hard to fit in with the hearing people they surround themselves with. If they were to admit that they had even a small thing in common with the Deaf perspective, they fear that all their hard work at fitting in was for nothing, and they have wasted all that effort.
They are not lying to us consciously or intentionally. They are, however, being dishonest with themselves, and as a result, being dishonest with us. How much easier it would be for them, and for us, if they would just get honest, and say, "Hey, I'd like to be part of a community of the deaf, but I just don't know how to go about it. You know, those ideas are really foreign to me, because my whole life has been spent with hearing people, but let me think about this some. Maybe I'll agree, and maybe I won't, but it's worth thinking about."
What do you guys think? Do you see the words and the actions being totally unmatched in these cases? Do you get the feeling that they are trying to convince themselves that they don't need the deaf community more than they are trying to convince us? Do you see the fear of having to admit that maybe, just maybe, they have been wrong about some things?
Let's discuss. No defensiveness, no nastiness, no insulting the culture. We are adults...we should be able to have a productive discussion without all of the above.
I'll start my explanation with a "for instance" situation. Now, I am browsing around the internet, and I see a site that I think might be interesting and something I would like to participate in. I visit the site and check it out just to see what it's all about. I discover that the majority of the people that belong to that particular site have very different views about that topic and don't share my values at all. Do I join that site? Do I then spend hours of my time telling them that their beliefs and their values are just plain silly and make no sense? Do I reinterate over and over that I have no desire to be a part of their group? Nope to all of the above. I simply leave the site and don't return.
But around here, it appears that we have people joining for no other reason that to tell us over and over and over again that they have no desire to be a part of the Deaf community, that their values and their beliefs about deafness are polar opposites of what the majority of this community represents, that our ideas about Deaf Culture are figments of our imagination. And they don't say it once. They keep coming back and saying the same things over and over and over.
Incongruency. Words and actions do not match up. If one has no desire to be a part of a group that largely represents the Deaf Community, why in the world to they take the time to register and members, and then spend their valuable time reading and posting here? If one believes that the very concept of Deaf Culture in not valid, why join a forum called AllDEAF, and waste their time reading and posting in threads devoted to the topic of culture? If one has never been a part of the Deaf Community, feels their live is complete without ever being a part of a Deaf Community, and feels that the values held by that Deaf Community are something they could never embrace, what the heck are they doing hanging around an online Deaf Community? Incongruency.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love it when people come in and say things like, "I don't know anything about Deaf Culture, but I have been reading some of the posts here, and think it is something I would like to investigate and learn more about." Even if, after a while, they decide that it really is not for them, they have at least stayed around long enough to learn and develop respect for the culture. Not for you, okay. Nice to have met you, and maybe we'll see you somewhere else sometime. No biggie.
But what bothers me, and I suspect bothers a lot of you, is those that come in and don't know anything about the culture, don't attempt to learn anything about the culture, don't have any desire to become a part of the community that embraces the culture, and feel the need to tell us that over and over and over. Why? We saw what you said the first time. You don't want to be a part of Deaf Culture. We get it. No need to repeat it. See you down the line.
My take on this is: these individuals that so vehemently protest the need for Deaf Culture, the validity of Deaf Culture, and the value of Deaf Culture are trying harder to convince themselves what they say is true than they are us. There was some sort of an interest in being in communication with other deaf people or they would never have visited a site devoted to deafness. If they truly did not want to be a part of a group that represents the Deaf, by majority of the membership, they would simply leave and go their merry way. But they don't. Incongruency.
I think it is very likely that they are simply unable to be honest with themselves, and use this site as a way to try to convince themselves that their lives are all rosy and they do not now, nor have they ever, needed the company and friendship of other deaf people. They have devoted their lives to making every effort and working hard to fit in with the hearing people they surround themselves with. If they were to admit that they had even a small thing in common with the Deaf perspective, they fear that all their hard work at fitting in was for nothing, and they have wasted all that effort.
They are not lying to us consciously or intentionally. They are, however, being dishonest with themselves, and as a result, being dishonest with us. How much easier it would be for them, and for us, if they would just get honest, and say, "Hey, I'd like to be part of a community of the deaf, but I just don't know how to go about it. You know, those ideas are really foreign to me, because my whole life has been spent with hearing people, but let me think about this some. Maybe I'll agree, and maybe I won't, but it's worth thinking about."
What do you guys think? Do you see the words and the actions being totally unmatched in these cases? Do you get the feeling that they are trying to convince themselves that they don't need the deaf community more than they are trying to convince us? Do you see the fear of having to admit that maybe, just maybe, they have been wrong about some things?
Let's discuss. No defensiveness, no nastiness, no insulting the culture. We are adults...we should be able to have a productive discussion without all of the above.
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