Deaf culture - do's and don'ts, etc. Let's make a list!

Hi guys!

I'm interested in knowing about Deaf culture- your do's and don'ts, e.g., what do Deaf people NOT do (like flicking a light switch--why do you do it?) and also, what Deaf community you're part of which you know it's applicable (American, British, Roman Catholic, etc). Let's make a list of what we know!

...someone else can start. I know virtually nothing about the Deaf community, being a recent HOH person.

So, let's get learning.

Don't pat on someone's head for any reason.... the last one that did it to me drew back a bloody stump. *hizz* I dunno about others, but for me, I like my personal space. I am rather "touchy" about this. No pun intended.

Always keep in mind that everybody has real feelings, no matter what

I don't like it when someone throws an object at me to get my attention, that's rude and disrespectful. If someone trying to get my attention, it's more polite and respectful to come up and tab me on the shoulder.

I don't mind if anyone flick the lights to get my attention or stomp their feet.

I do not like when someone yells or shout while communicating with me, It's not gonna make me hear any better.

I don't like door slamming either, It annoys me.

Interesting thread--go for it AD'ers!


One thing, wouldn't like someone poking or jabbin' me in the ribs and say: "You hear me now?" Oppppss...wasn't it Verizon that says that??





~RR

Don't try to scream at them for attention, they can't hear anyway! lol But do tap on shoulder or wave or flick a light to get a deaf person attention, don't stomp on my floor! Cuz one of them will put a hole on my floor! lol Just kidding at the last part. ha

Cheri said:

I don't like it when someone throws an object at me to get my attention, that's rude and disrespectful. If someone trying to get my attention, it's more polite and respectful to come up and tab me on the shoulder.

I don't mind if anyone flick the lights to get my attention or stomp their feet.

I do not like when someone yells or shout while communicating with me, It's not gonna make me hear any better.

I don't like door slamming either, It annoys me.

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Hey, Cheri.....Catch! JK

Whenever I am having a conversation with a deaf person in a hallway or in a public setting, It annoys me whenever a hearing person (I'm not saying all of these hearing people do this, but in general) walks up and sees us having a conversation and they would stop and wait for us to finish the conversation or they would "duck" down and walk so low in order to not to block our visuality. It always is a distraction for me because it will make the conversation go at a screeching halt.

Most of the time, I'm nice enough to say "It's ok, Go on and get through." If they were to walk right through without an interruption, it keeps the conversation at bay. With that, I do understand that most of them are not aware how distracting it can be for us deaf people.

When I am at a deaf event or in a setting where the majority of people are deaf, They usually would say "Excuse me" and walk just right through when the conversation takes place. I know it might seem rude to some of us but to me, it isn't entirely rude. If they were to stand between me and the person for a period of time, then yes, it would be rude in my opinion.

I agree with you on that one too Jo!

Good thread here!!

Oh I hate it if someone throws a dangerous object at me. Once a friend threw a pen at me and know where the pointed end landed? Right in between of my eyes. I said OW and reached my hand up to where it had hurt. I then saw some blood on my hand and looked at my friend whose eyes were wide open. I then went to look in a mirror, seeing that I looked so horrible with blood running down my nose. I told my friend what if it had landed right into my eye?! Thank goodness, it didn't.

Do be willing to write back and forth with me, if you need to tell me something and don't know signs for it.

Do not "dismiss" or give up on us if we don't understand what you are saying. This is annoying.

So, don't be afraid to try pen and paper if you need THAT to express yourself or understand others. You do it for YOU as well as for me.

Never, never ever rely on a third party to interpret if they are not paid or seem unwilling. Get a clue and take responsiblity for your own communication with a Deaf person. For example, a married couple - hearing and deaf, and the inlaws always bother the hearing spouse to interpret everything for the deaf spouse. This can be annoying and piss off the "interpreter." It shows a lack of interest in trying to communicate with the deaf spouse, and it creates resentment in the hearing spouse.

Never ask a child to interpret for his or her parents if his/her parents don't want them to be in that role.

jillio said:

Hey, Cheri.....Catch! JK

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IslandGal said:

Good thread here!!

Oh I hate it if someone throws a dangerous object at me. Once a friend threw a pen at me and know where the pointed end landed? Right in between of my eyes. I said OW and reached my hand up to where it had hurt. I then saw some blood on my hand and looked at my friend whose eyes were wide open. I then went to look in a mirror, seeing that I looked so horrible with blood running down my nose. I told my friend what if it had landed right into my eye?! Thank goodness, it didn't.

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How about a lil' ole, harmless smurf ball?

Cheri said:

I don't like it when someone throws an object at me to get my attention, that's rude and disrespectful. If someone trying to get my attention, it's more polite and respectful to come up and tab me on the shoulder.

I don't mind if anyone flick the lights to get my attention or stomp their feet.

I do not like when someone yells or shout while communicating with me, It's not gonna make me hear any better.

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Agree.

I don't like people when someone gestures a lot to communicate with me - not normal hand motions and not sign - but useless signs like asking about a assignment papers and waving a pen around. Why? We aren't talking about the pen. Or gestures that make more sense but are HUGE, with arms waving like drowning persons. It is embarassing.

Also people who say "Good for you!" when they learn I am in college, like you say to a good dog or a little kid.

Not common, but I had people touch my BTE HAs. This is wrong and makes me want to hit their hands, or bite Usually they are interested and ask questions about HAs - good, I will answer without problem. But touch? No.

Tousi said:

How about a lil' ole, harmless smurf ball?

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I have to admit to one time throwing a small rock at my son's feet when he was half way across the payground and I needed his attention! Got some funny looks from the hearie moms, too! But I didn't throw the rock at him, just towards him! Oh,well, we all do stupid things!

Kaitin said:

Agree.

I don't like people when someone gestures a lot to communicate with me - not normal hand motions and not sign - but useless signs like asking about a assignment papers and waving a pen around. Why? We aren't talking about the pen. Or gestures that make more sense but are HUGE, with arms waving like drowning persons. It is embarassing.

Also people who say "Good for you!" when they learn I am in college, like you say to a good dog or a little kid.

Not common, but I had people touch my BTE HAs. This is wrong and makes me want to hit their hands, or bite Usually they are interested and ask questions about HAs - good, I will answer without problem. But touch? No.

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I'd feel the same way if people were to do that to me.

I also don't like it when people gestures a lot as it confuses me. I'm not talking about sign or homemade gestures either.

When I turned off my HA years ago and watched my parent's maid speak on the phone and she did a lot of gesturing which made me nervous and think something was wrong but when I turned on my HA, her voice didn't sound loud or nervous and her tone sounded calm. It was just too much for me so I walked off into the next room.

jillio said:

I have to admit to one time throwing a small rock at my son's feet when he was half way across the payground and I needed his attention! Got some funny looks from the hearie moms, too! But I didn't throw the rock at him, just towards him! Oh,well, we all do stupid things!

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Good thing no one reported you for child abuse.

deafskeptic said:

I also don't like it when people gestures a lot as it confuses me. I'm not talking about sign or homemade gestures either.

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Completely agree. I have to look and think "what are they saying" then I realize they are gesturing and not signing.

I dont like it when people yell at me or throw things at me to get my attention. It really does piss me off even though to others here its a minor annoyance.

Don't tell us something and then when we ask you to repeat it, dismiss us.

If you're having trouble communicating verbally, use pen and paper. You cant go wrong there unless your writing is the equivalent of chicken scratch.

Don't stare at us while we're having a signed conversation. Its the same thing as eavesdropping in on a spoken conversation.

Don't be afriad to ask us questions instead of assuming something about all of us based on an experience with one deaf person. We are not all the same.

Don't make weird gestures when speaking to us. It feels weird and it's embarrassing sometimes, its almost like you think we are dumb as well as deaf, which is not true. Most of us can speech read (aka read lips) fairly well unless the person has a speech impediment or if English is not their first language. (Or the native language of whatever country your in, we do have some Germans on AD as well.)

When you do speak to us, it is not so much the volume of your voice, but rather the clarity of your words is what is most important. Getting louder actually distorts the message even more. Yelling can intimidate us just as it would for a hearing person and the message still doesnt get through because its hard to speech read someone that is yelling. I just see this big black hole when someone yells.

Also when you do talk to us - please make sure your facing us head on so that we can speech read more clearly, I certainly can't read the lips of someone that is sideways from me. I just see the mouth open and close but I dont see the shape.

If we're loud dont get mad at us. Sometimes we don't realize how loud we're being without meaning to be loud. But if I am loud, just tap me on the shoulder and say that Im being loud in a nice tone. I would also want to know if my HA is making whistling sounds!

Do: Ask me questions, I can hear if you speak louder.

Don't: Don't ask other folks, I can talk for myself.

Roadrunner said:

Interesting thread--go for it AD'ers!


One thing, wouldn't like someone poking or jabbin' me in the ribs and say: "You hear me now?" Oppppss...wasn't it Verizon that says that??





~RR

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I agree Kaitin, "don't touch my hearing aids," but I've never had that occur. Another thing, when you are asked to repeat something, don't respond to me, "Oh, never mind." Or, "I'll tell you later." As for "good touch, bad touch," I tell people to dismiss everything they were taught, as they're okay with touching me to get my attention, which they understand it to be a pat on the arm. There was a man in a church earlier this year that "tapped" me on the upper shoulder, chest part and behind me to get my attention regarding my hearing dog. That is a major no-no. Anything above the middle of my biceps, chest and everywhere else is not permitted.

Oh, by the way, don't pound your hand on the table. That is so annoying.

If you're a hearing person and don't like to sit close to the front, don't ask or expect me to sit with you near the back and hear or understand anything. I won't. My female cousin, Diane, when we were buddies, did that all the time and got beliggerent when we sat near the front. Exception is in a movie theatre and, yes, she would be embarrassed if I asked her to repeat what something was said in a movie. I thought of her as a friend all these growing up years, but, didn't know until years later she was jealous of everything I did. She was horrible!