Tired of being in Middle.. hoh woman Cali

You know this may be the only place I can honestly vent where it doesn't confuse ANYONE...about why I am venting...

Okay.. I grew up in hearing family and did not know I was hoh until I was 32..Not intellectually anyway... It was "something wrong with me" syndrome I grew up with..Always embarassed and self concious..always explaining myself when I made huge public errors..

Anyway, now I am taking up ASL and in ASL III... If it wasn't frustrating for me before now life is much harder... rather then one world where I was only understanding a part of now there is two...neither which I fit into completely.. I have a hard time meeting the Deaf due to full time college and part time work and single mom status...so I can only practice at home with my kids. ASL makes some things so much easier...

I have problems with the hearing and problems with the Deaf... Deaf culture teacher worries if I have a bad interpreter they will give wrong signs..since I am learning she doesn't want that in her class... however HER interpreter will not Sign to me when my teacher talks, she voices and I can't read her lips 100%...so I still miss stuff... Hearing people think I talk great (what's that mean and compared to what???) and insist I would do great if I would attend a singles Deaf church program..HOW...no one lives near me ...


ahhhhhhhhh... I don't know how people get CI because I would prefer to be Deaf or Hearing..not both..not neither.. and what about dating.. that's a WHOLE NEW ISSUE...

Who do I date..I cant' completely understand either.. Okay.. I'm in a pity pot and I'm about done...


and one more thing... where do Deaf christians go to church.. how can I go to church with the Deaf when I am not fluent in Sign....

Crystal71 said:

and one more thing... where do Deaf christians go to church.. how can I go to church with the Deaf when I am not fluent in Sign....

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My answer is; "we don't" I haven't attended a church service in about 4 years. during my college years I didn't go to church much either, so, I haven't attended church regularly since the end of the last century. Back then my hearing ability was significantly better.

my suggestion is try to join a bible study group, preferably a small one. When I was in college I participated in a small group and that worked well for me, of course my hearing was much better at the time, but the lack of singing (in my case pretending*) was very nice. If you sit in a quiet room, and every one speaks in turn, and you can see everyone's face it will be easier for you. (you may even want to use something like a pocket talker or other Assistive listening device, depending on the nature of your hearing loss.)

*I hate hymns in a church setting, I can never follow along and hate participating, but I want to disclaim that I can sing, I was in the honor choir in high school.

Crystal71 said:

. . . and one more thing... where do Deaf christians go to church.. how can I go to church with the Deaf when I am not fluent in Sign....

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Crystal,



Look in your local yellow pages under churches. Some will have something like "interpreter" for xx service. Call the church and make sure it's sign language they're interpreting and not another vebal language. Or, some ads will say that xx service is interpreted for the deaf/hoh or something like that. Also, google "deaf churches" and put your city and state after it. If you still can't find anything, google NAD (National Association for the Deaf) and look under your state. Contact them or view their website. You will be able to find a deaf or interpreted church within 30 minutes. I promise.

If you still can't find anything, pm me and I'll help you out, okay? I can find just about anything.

Went thru the same thing as u except for the Interpreter in my ASL class. It was so hard starting from ASL II and I couldnt socialize with Deaf people due to being a college student and having a family at home. Also, many of them snubbed me cuz I snubbed them growing up thinking I was "hearing". Yes, I was born profoundly deaf in both ears and grew up orally.

However, it took me about 5 years to become fluent in ASL and now I use it all the time and around people who sign all the time. Life is so much better for me cuz no more straining to read lips or to "hear" them and no more making sure my speech is clear 24/7.

It takes time so dont give up!

Good luck!

Im in the same shoes as you Crystal but my advice is this and it may be easier said than done - but you just need to focus on the blessings in your life and not worry about what other people think or what their concerns may be.

Im HH and I grew up orally and I too went through that "There's something wrong with me" phase as well. I recall once that my dad told me the reason I did not have many friends was because I was 'different'. I knew I was HH, but I tried my best to be fully hearing but it just didnt happen. My parents did not want me playing sports for the longest time because I could not hear, it really did a number on my self-confidence.

Now that I grew up and realized that hey I may be HH but its no reason to hold myself back, its no reason to let people trample all over me and discard me because Im 'different'. My music minister even hit the nail on the head once he said that I look down on myself too much and that I needed to realize that I need to boost my confidence. Now Im signing some hymns for the church and ya know what? Ive found a good friend in the guy and he's very encouraging. His attitude makes all the difference - we need more people like him.

And the fact that Ive started coming here and I have found people who are going through the same thing or have gone through the same thing helps to realize I am not alone in this crazy journey called Life. Now Im almost proud to be HH, its not all who I am or who Im not, its only a small part of me, something I can't change. My daughter accepts me for me,not because I can't hear and thats enough to know that hey Im worthwhile to somebody!

Dixie said:

. . . hey Im worthwhile to somebody!

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You bet your boots you are, Dixie! And don't you ever forget it! You're also valued here on alldeaf.com and I'm pleased to tell you that I consider you, among others here too, to be a friend of mine.

I'm sorry for editing your story, as I wanted to stress the last sentence.

I also wanted to say that like you, I don't have many friends and yes, it is because of being hoh/deaf. I couldn't play sports when I was a kid, either, because the other kids were so mean they wouldn't let me. When I see the movie, "The Sandlot," I wished my friend from childhood, who lived on my block and didn't go out to play at all until I moved on the block, had done this with me.

Good post, Dixie! Oh, by the way, give your dd a hug for me!

pek1 said:

You bet your boots you are, Dixie! And don't you ever forget it! You're also valued here on alldeaf.com and I'm pleased to tell you that I consider you, among others here too, to be a friend of mine.

I'm sorry for editing your story, as I wanted to stress the last sentence.

I also wanted to say that like you, I don't have many friends and yes, it is because of being hoh/deaf. I couldn't play sports when I was a kid, either, because the other kids were so mean they wouldn't let me. When I see the movie, "The Sandlot," I wished my friend from childhood, who lived on my block and didn't go out to play at all until I moved on the block, had done this with me.

Good post, Dixie! Oh, by the way, give your dd a hug for me!

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Aww thanks pek!

Hi Crystal71 and glad to meet you

Pek made a point that might have been missed--bear with me while I repeat it..

Call the church and make sure it's sign language they're interpreting and not another vebal language.

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Since you are learning ASL make sure the signer isn't working in SEE or something else or it will frustrate and confuse your socks off - so to speak.

Yes - agreed - this is a godsend (ALLDEAF)
I love having AD in my life. It has helped me to treat myself and my HOH hubs better/keeping frustration down, helped me stand up to ignorant people, and opened the door for a larger number of friends in the d/Deaf culture/community.

ASLGAL said:

. . . Yes - agreed - this is a godsend (ALLDEAF)
I love having AD in my life. It has helped me to treat myself and my HOH hubs better/keeping frustration down, helped me stand up to ignorant people, and opened the door for a larger number of friends in the d/Deaf culture/community.

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I concur! I wish I could get with more deaf people in my area, but they don't want to. Otherwise, this site is cool and helps me with my frustrations with hearies. I remember a few times being made fun of because of being deaf, but I see more of it now, especially with a hearing dog with me than I ever had before! And this school I'm attending is supposed to be a university??!