"Intruding on Deaf Space" Follow up!

Last night was a success! I had a ton of fun at the bar and learned a few signs. I mostly waited to be addressed by the D/deaf people there, as I didn't want to ruin the flow of conversation with my slow signing.

Two of the guys there included me in the chat and asked me questions, and slowed down their fingerspelling for me without me asking. At first I felt a bit hurt because I feel insecure about my shitty signing, but I realized that it was a very kind thing for them to do. I set aside my own personal crap to appreciate that they were nice. I did screw up signing my own name once, though, so who can blame them for thinking I'd need it?

There were some rude hearing people there, though. A few interpreters came and brought hearing people who couldn't sign with them. At one point the hearing people all started voicing without signing. The D/deaf and I just sat there awkwardly, waiting for them to stop being asses.

Then the terps and hearing people invited everyone to play pool, but I didn't go with them. Neither did any of the D/deaf, either. I could play pool with assholes at any bar. It would have been easier communication-wise to hang out with them, but their behavior put me off of them.

I left after two hours because my brain was broken. Trying to keep track of insanely-fast conversations was so tiring! My eyes still hurt today from them having to focus so intently.

Another good thing! I've explained audism to my fiance before, but he never really got it. He's not a bad person, but he just hadn't been exposed to the idea of how the world values spoken languages above other languages. When I told him about the interpreters voicing, he got really angry. We talked about it, then he asked "So, is what they did audism?" and I said that I would think so. He said "No wonder D/deaf people get pissed off at hearing people. Even those who know ASL can't be bothered to make sure everyone is included. That's bullshit." Yay, he's starting to get it!

So it was a great night. Thank you all for your encouragement and friendliness!

breelligerent said:

I left after two hours because my brain was broken. Trying to keep track of insanely-fast conversations was so tiring! My eyes still hurt today from them having to focus so intently. !

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I feel the same way sometimes. I spend several hours on Sundays with my deaf friend and by the end of the day I am exhausted and my brain feels like it must be hard as a rock and smoother than glass, and coated in teflon so nothing else can penetrate it.

And then I remind myself that this is probably how many deaf people feel by the end of the day after being in the hearing world. In fact, it's probably how my friend feels, only worse, because the only signing she is getting on Sundays is mine, and mine stinks and is all English grammar.

Grayma said:

I feel the same way sometimes. I spend several hours on Sundays with my deaf friend and by the end of the day I am exhausted and my brain feels like it must be hard as a rock and smoother than glass, and coated in teflon so nothing else can penetrate it.

And then I remind myself that this is probably how many deaf people feel by the end of the day after being in the hearing world. In fact, it's probably how my friend feels, only worse, because the only signing she is getting on Sundays is mine, and mine stinks and is all English grammar.

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I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way! One of the guys asked me if I was tired, and I told him that watching and trying to understand was so hard. I think he was amused

You're right about your second paragraph. It was eye opening to me to realize that I was in the position that D/HoH people are in sometimes with hearing interactions. I'll never understand what it's like to be deaf, but I think this experience was really helpful for me.

am glad you have good time....hope you keep that up i am sure they would love you to come over more often ;-) next time pull your husband to go along with you.

breelligerent said:

Last night was a success! I had a ton of fun at the bar and learned a few signs. I mostly waited to be addressed by the D/deaf people there, as I didn't want to ruin the flow of conversation with my slow signing.

Another good thing! I've explained audism to my fiance before, but he never really got it. He's not a bad person, but he just hadn't been exposed to the idea of how the world values spoken languages above other languages. When I told him about the interpreters voicing, he got really angry. We talked about it, then he asked "So, is what they did audism?" and I said that I would think so. He said "No wonder D/deaf people get pissed off at hearing people. Even those who know ASL can't be bothered to make sure everyone is included. That's bullshit." Yay, he's starting to get it!

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That's good to hear. When I said in your first thread that they may have no patience, I meant some, not all. Anyway, when you socialize with them more, your ASL will improve if you are still motivated. Practice makes perfect.

Audism is an act of discrimination against a deaf person. What you said about the terps who didn't use signs around deafies at a deaf space, it's not audism. I would say it's disrespect or unthoughtfulness.

Tikra said:

am glad you have good time....hope you keep that up i am sure they would love you to come over more often ;-) next time pull your husband to go along with you.

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I'm definitely going next month. I wish they had the chats more than just once a month! At least I'll have more time to practice before the next one

I'll try to drag him along with me! He's a bit afraid to go because he's legally blind and only knows a few signs, and he doesn't want to come off as rude. After I go to a few more maybe he'll stop worrying

CrazyPaul said:

That's good to hear. When I said in your first thread that they may have no patience, I meant some, not all. Anyway, when you socialize with them more, your ASL will improve if you are still motivated. Practice makes perfect.

Audism is an act of discrimination against a deaf person. What you said about the terps who didn't use signs around deafies at a deaf space, it's not audism. I would say it's disrespect or unthoughtfulness.

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Thank you very much for the correction about my thoughts on audism. I'm glad I didn't tell him that it was definitely audism! I thought that it seemed like they were giving the spoken convo more importance than the signed ones, which seemed to be an audist thing to do. However, I stand corrected. Thanks! At the very least, I'm glad that he's starting to see how D/deaf people are treated, even by those who know ASL.

I know you meant some, not all I just went into it expecting not to chat much so I wouldn't be disappointed!

Glad you went for it. I hope you continue to go. Your ASL will improve, as will your knowledge of deaf culture. Enjoy!

That sounds like a lot of fun. I would love to go to a deaf social, but I dont know how to find them. How did you find out about this one?

Keep going. Don't let a group or certain people stop you.

Oh well, whether that specific group "personifies deaf values"-worth considering for future encounters.