Deaf, hearing relationships

I'm a hearing person who met a deaf person, and I really like him. I'm learning to sign, and currently we communicate using a little of everything; signing, writing on paper, emailing. I'm determined to do whatever it takes to learn to communicate with him. He's a really nice guy, and him being deaf doesn't bother me at all.

The thing that has got me worried is that there seems to be more people saying that deaf / hearing relationships doesn't work out? That really scares me, because I really want this relationship to work. Any suggestions as to what I can do to ensure this?

Married to my wonderful hearing husband for almost 9 years and still going strong. I am deaf. My best friend is deaf and she has been married to her hearing husband for 17 years. My brother is deaf and has been married to his hearing wife for 1 year.

Love knows no boundaries. Deaf or hearing it wont matter if you end up loving him.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I am glad there is potential for this relationship to work. Learning how to sign has been a real learning curve for me. On the other hand, Being with him has made me become more aware of what he has to put up with on a daily basis. when I'm around his deaf friends; I pick up very little about 30% or less. It would be about the same if he was around a group of my hearing family. So, it pushes me to keep learning ASL, because it's the bridge I need. I just hope things work out

You're trapped in Hawaii, not too many other places for him to run...

I would like to find a hearing husband.

I think that hearing women should be communicating with cats. You know explain that if I ever get bitten by cats, that I will sign "no bite". Hearing women should be the one to teach cats how to understand "no biting" in ASL. That way, cat and I would be able to understand each other if I was ever in danger of being bitten by one.

Now, I'm not sure if anything will work out. I ask mostly questions about him, gut he doesn't ask any questions about me. That's a sign isn't it? That he's not interested right?

yeah it will work cos you and him love each other.... bless


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Any relationship will work out, no matter how difficult or contrary they may be. Love and companionship knows no barriers. It is a bit of a challenge, but when you really care about someone, you find a way to make it work.

He's probably not used to having a hearing person to ask about. Draw him out, play a question/answer game, and he might be more comfortable with asking questions about you and your life. If he's shy, it doesn't mean he's uninterested, just that he needs more coaxing to get comfortable.

Well, after about 2 weeks of friendly emails, nothing romantic he sends me a selfie with no explanation. I'm not sure what to do. Ask him why he sent it? or since he sent his pic, i should send him my pic? I don't know.....

sparrow2 said:

Well, after about 2 weeks of friendly emails, nothing romantic he sends me a selfie with no explanation. I'm not sure what to do. Ask him why he sent it? or since he sent his pic, i should send him my pic? I don't know.....

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He's expecting a compliment. Most deaf people are more sensitive and want more attention. Give him a compliment and you guys are already heading down a great road to a good relationship because you want to learn sign and that proves enough for him.



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Another thing is that unless I send him email, he won't send one to me. He replies if I send email to him, but not the other way around. This is stressing me out, because I'm not sure if I'm bothering him. Days can go by without hearing from him. It seems he's not interested?, doesn't care?, but once I initiate and send an email, he replies.

sparrow2 said:

Another thing is that unless I send him email, he won't send one to me. He replies if I send email to him, but not the other way around. This is stressing me out, because I'm not sure if I'm bothering him. Days can go by without hearing from him. It seems he's not interested?, doesn't care?, but once I initiate and send an email, he replies.

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Personally, I'm the same way. I don't create/send emails, but I do reply to them. It's mostly because I tend to not be a communicative person unless motivated by the other person to do so. I have a feeling that the guy you're talking to is probably the same way. Not used to communicating, needs to be drawn out, might be shy, etc.

Try not to read things into every little thing he does (or doesn't do.) That will only drive both of you crazy. Go with it, do what you want, be yourself, and see what happens. There's no science to the whole thing, and there's no blueprint to a successful relationship.

jayydowns said:

He's expecting a compliment. Most deaf people are more sensitive and want more attention. Give him a compliment and you guys are already heading down a great road to a good relationship because you want to learn sign and that proves enough for him.

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That's interesting.

jayydowns said:

He's expecting a compliment. Most deaf people are more sensitive and want more attention. Give him a compliment and you guys are already heading down a great road to a good relationship because you want to learn sign and that proves enough for him.



Sent from my iPhone using AllDeaf

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Orly? Because that's definitely not even close to how I work.... Or how any of my friends work... we're just kind of sitting here giggling at this assumption... and we're definitely all Deaf. If I remember correctly, you don't know hardly any if any Deaf people, correct? If that isn't correct, you were the one putting them down for not being as "intelligent as you were." Please don't lump us together with how you feel about yourself. All Deaf people are different. I'm not sensitive and don't want more attention... I am probably the least sensitive person, ever. It makes me giggle just thinking about this...

As to the OP... It may very well be that is is not interested... it may be that he is shy... it may be that he is not a good conversationalist... All I can tell you is to stop worrying and thinking so much into things. Also, if you haven't met him yet, how can you like him so much? My honest personal opinion is that I do not dating hearing people... but that's just me. Everyone is different. It is not an easy relationship by far, but I have seen people make it work. If you really want to make it work, you can. I will tell you that learning ASL will be a long road... but again, if you want to make it work, you can. Don't be discouraged.

Mewtilation said:

Orly? Because that's definitely not even close to how I work.... Or how any of my friends work... we're just kind of sitting here giggling at this assumption... and we're definitely all Deaf. If I remember correctly, you don't know hardly any if any Deaf people, correct?

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Ditto to this, I even get annoyed when my mother acts like a helicopter parent. And if someone gives me a ton of compliments I'm going to think that person is fake and trying to get me to like them.

Mewtilation said:

Orly? Because that's definitely not even close to how I work.... Or how any of my friends work... we're just kind of sitting here giggling at this assumption... and we're definitely all Deaf. If I remember correctly, you don't know hardly any if any Deaf people, correct? If that isn't correct, you were the one putting them down for not being as "intelligent as you were." Please don't lump us together with how you feel about yourself. All Deaf people are different. I'm not sensitive and don't want more attention... I am probably the least sensitive person, ever. It makes me giggle just thinking about this...

As to the OP... It may very well be that is is not interested... it may be that he is shy... it may be that he is not a good conversationalist... All I can tell you is to stop worrying and thinking so much into things. Also, if you haven't met him yet, how can you like him so much? My honest personal opinion is that I do not dating hearing people... but that's just me. Everyone is different. It is not an easy relationship by far, but I have seen people make it work. If you really want to make it work, you can. I will tell you that learning ASL will be a long road... but again, if you want to make it work, you can. Don't be discouraged.

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I agree...My brother is a Deaf person who is not sensitive and definitely not big on getting attention. I, on the other hand, am sensitive but don't want to get attention on myself either.

A Nihilist said:

Ditto to this, I even get annoyed when my mother acts like a helicopter parent. And if someone gives me a ton of compliments I'm going to think that person is fake and trying to get me to like them.

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Boy that's something I am going through right now with some people about not getting the recent job I applied for. Getting told that I am a good worker, ready for a challenge and that I go beyond my duties to train my co workers but yet, I didn't get chosen for the job again?

I tell people that I don't want to hear it anymore...all it does is makes me mad again and again because I know it is fake.

Yeah, deaf, blind, hearing, it doesn't matter, people are all going to be different. There's so many factors that make us who we are, not even going into the whole genetics thing.