Can you image how you feeling when you were me?

Liebling:-)))

Liebling:-)))

Sussi *7.7.86 - 18.6.09*
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Some of you know that we broke our contact with my hubby's father and brother since 1997 in some threads.

You know that they didn't even congrats my boys on special occassions etc... and not even visit to see them or write a card voluntarily to them... We act strange when we are at town...

My hubby's brother is Danny's Godfather...

You know that Danny's Confirmation will be held on 22nd April. We discussed about Confirmation plans last year.... Danny suggest that we should test them either they are able to attend Danny's confirmation or not... If they didn't attend then they will be finish for good... We feel uncomfortable to invite them to attend his confirmation... I can understand that it's HIS confirmation...

Danny changed his mind for not want them to be present at his Confirmation at few weeks ago. I told him that I continue to invite them and want to test them in manner way...

I prepared the invitation cards and send away yesterday... :Ohno: The lady at Post Office raised her eye-brow when she saw the address because hubby's father live the SAME street as Post Office... Ooohhh... Should I face him with an Invitation card...? I cannnoootttt.... Just get a stamp to mail it away... Coward of me... :Ohno: I can image what he and brother reacts when they got Invitation card to attend Danny's Confirmation... :Ohno:

What could you image when you were me?

I really don't know what I do or prepare myself if they really want to attend Danny's Confirmation. Sometimes I thought either I do the thing right or not...???? because we broke our contact since 1997 which is a long time... It was like bomb them with invitation card... ????
 
I don't know a lot about confirmations but I think it's expected to invite the godparents, correct?

This is just my opinion:

Hard as it is, if Danny agrees, you should send the invitations to them.

If they accept the invitations and show up, just focus on Danny that day, and be polite to them.

If they don't show up, then the burden is on them, not you. That means, you did everything you could to do the right thing. The burden is off your shoulders. The burden is on their shoulders to respond the right way. You and Danny will have clear consciences and no regrets.

Suppose you don't invite them? You or Danny might have regrets for later years, doubting your decision. If you do invite them, you won't have to live with later regrets or doubts.

If you invite them, and they agree to show up, you might want to have a private family "back up" plan if you expect them to behave badly. Quietly arrange with a couple of strong, close male friends to act as "security" if things get out of hand. Hopefully, they can nip it in the bud . That is, they can prevent any bad behavior. If the "security" friends make themselves "buddies" to the brother and father, they can keep them distracted and busy so they won't have time to get upset. But if things do go sour, for example, if the brother and father show up drunk, or begin to argue, the security friends can quietly put a "friendly" arm around each one and say, "hey, let's get some fresh air." (I can't guarantee that will work but just have some kind of "plan" ready so you won't be hit with any "surprises.)

Just suggestions, not rules or orders. :)

p.s.
That is one nosey lady at the Post Office! She needs to put a clamp on that eyebrow!
 
I'm in agreement with reba about the "security" friends.. Because I believe you want your son's confirmation to be a happy occasion.. and from what I can read, I'd say having a few male friends be there in case the father and brother of your husband do show up and misbehave. This should be a happy occasion for your family.. so I can understand the worry you have.

Hope it all works out :)
 
Thank you for your support.

Very true, Reba... That's what my hubby & I thought so.

We didn't invite to attend my hubby's father's 70th birthday party at 2 years ago. We beleive that he feel uncomfortable to invite us to attend his birthday... Oh well... I know he is a very pride person and refuse to make first move on... It's him.

I know it´s very hard but I think it's better to show them up in my manner way than live with my regrets or doubts later. I won´t get regret or doubts but their loss for choose to not attend Danny´s Confirmation...

We will prepare ourselves and make sure that they should not get our "shock" impression IF they are willing to attend Danny's Confirmation.

We will accept and move on if they want to make up peace with us. If not, then is their loss.

We only invite 12 guests (my British family, Alan's Godparents, my hubby's father & brother and 4 of us) to attend Restaurant for our lunch, then afternoon coffee with homemade cakes and evening snack at my house.
 
I hope it all goes well for you and your family. :)
 
Reba said:
I don't know a lot about confirmations but I think it's expected to invite the godparents, correct?

This is just my opinion:

Hard as it is, if Danny agrees, you should send the invitations to them.

If they accept the invitations and show up, just focus on Danny that day, and be polite to them.

If they don't show up, then the burden is on them, not you. That means, you did everything you could to do the right thing. The burden is off your shoulders. The burden is on their shoulders to respond the right way. You and Danny will have clear consciences and no regrets.

Suppose you don't invite them? You or Danny might have regrets for later years, doubting your decision. If you do invite them, you won't have to live with later regrets or doubts.

If you invite them, and they agree to show up, you might want to have a private family "back up" plan if you expect them to behave badly. Quietly arrange with a couple of strong, close male friends to act as "security" if things get out of hand. Hopefully, they can nip it in the bud . That is, they can prevent any bad behavior. If the "security" friends make themselves "buddies" to the brother and father, they can keep them distracted and busy so they won't have time to get upset. But if things do go sour, for example, if the brother and father show up drunk, or begin to argue, the security friends can quietly put a "friendly" arm around each one and say, "hey, let's get some fresh air." (I can't guarantee that will work but just have some kind of "plan" ready so you won't be hit with any "surprises.)

Just suggestions, not rules or orders. :)

p.s.
That is one nosey lady at the Post Office! She needs to put a clamp on that eyebrow!
Click to expand...

I agree! and a good advice for Liebling. It is not her problem, it is up to hubby's father and brother whether they want to show up or not, if they
dont want to show up for Danny's confirmation, then it is their loss, geez.
It would be stupid if they dont show up and be civil toward toward the
family for Danny's sake. So go ahead and mail the invitation to them and
see what happens, at least you tried on your part.

LOL! about that Post Office woman! Boy, is she the nosy one! not only
she need to have the clamp on her eyebrow, she need a clamp on her
fat nosy nose, LOL!
 
The lady at Post Office raised her eye-brow when she saw the address because hubby's father live the SAME street as Post Office... Ooohhh...
Click to expand...

Since you have witness her face expression, Who told her everything!!!
 
Opal said:
Since you have witness her face expression, Who told her everything!!!
Click to expand...


I do not take her expression serious but understand her because that post office where she work is only few minutes away walk from my father-in-law's house. I can tell from her expression that I should leave a card in his mailbox instead of get a stamp... but I choose to get a stamp... Oh Well!
 
Defee said:
I agree! and a good advice for Liebling. It is not her problem, it is up to hubby's father and brother whether they want to show up or not, if they
dont want to show up for Danny's confirmation, then it is their loss, geez.
It would be stupid if they dont show up and be civil toward toward the
family for Danny's sake. So go ahead and mail the invitation to them and
see what happens, at least you tried on your part.

LOL! about that Post Office woman! Boy, is she the nosy one! not only
she need to have the clamp on her eyebrow, she need a clamp on her
fat nosy nose, LOL!
Click to expand...

Yeah, true...

I thought it's funny when I look at lady's face expression... I can image how she reacts because of few minutes on the same street distance between Post Office and his house... :lol:
 
Danny got an answer from my hubby's brother last Saturday enclosed money telling him that he can't make it up to attend his confirmation because he plan for months to go oversea for holiday.

We are waiting for hubby's father's reply.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Some of you know that we broke our contact with my hubby's father and brother since 1997 in some threads.

You know that they didn't even congrats my boys on special occassions etc... and not even visit to see them or write a card voluntarily to them... We act strange when we are at town...

My hubby's brother is Danny's Godfather...

You know that Danny's Confirmation will be held on 22nd April. We discussed about Confirmation plans last year.... Danny suggest that we should test them either they are able to attend Danny's confirmation or not... If they didn't attend then they will be finish for good... We feel uncomfortable to invite them to attend his confirmation... I can understand that it's HIS confirmation...

Danny changed his mind for not want them to be present at his Confirmation at few weeks ago. I told him that I continue to invite them and want to test them in manner way...

I prepared the invitation cards and send away yesterday... :Ohno: The lady at Post Office raised her eye-brow when she saw the address because hubby's father live the SAME street as Post Office... Ooohhh... Should I face him with an Invitation card...? I cannnoootttt.... Just get a stamp to mail it away... Coward of me... :Ohno: I can image what he and brother reacts when they got Invitation card to attend Danny's Confirmation... :Ohno:

What could you image when you were me?

I really don't know what I do or prepare myself if they really want to attend Danny's Confirmation. Sometimes I thought either I do the thing right or not...???? because we broke our contact since 1997 which is a long time... It was like bomb them with invitation card... ????
Click to expand...

I think you did the right thing, like this quote "you'll be damn if you do, you'll be damn if you didnt do it" If you didn't do it, you may regret but now the ball is on their court.. you did it out of your heart!!! if they don't show up, let it be move on and just forgive it as life's too short... hope you'll be okay!! just be cool on that day and then it's done... sometime people will forget why in the first place the fallout.. some people will change for the better or some people will be bitter for life... hang in there !!! BLESS your heart too!!

lol the lady at the post office, is thinking well you have hand and feet save your stamps lol.. as you know how some people are.. lmao that's soo funny!!!!
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Danny got an answer from my hubby's brother last Saturday enclosed money telling him that he can't make it up to attend his confirmation because he plan for months to go oversea for holiday.

We are waiting for hubby's father's reply.
Click to expand...


Wow, thats nice he got money from Uncle, at least he got
acknowledgle from him! and we shall see about the grandpa's
answer to the invitation! i cant imagine, really! I hope he dont
make some lame excuse not to come, geez. It would be very
nice if he does come for Danny's sake. If he dont, then it is
HIS LOSS! (grandpa's) Let us know when you get an answer
from him!
 
Good Luck Liebling, hope you will hear from him soon,
 
I don't know if you how you or your hubby feel about this. Regrets? What happen if you or them don't make peace with each other if they die? I can understand for not talking to them for years. That's what happen to my grandfather and my 2 Uncles. My grandfather kick them out on Christmas Day almost 15 yrs ago. I don't know what's about. Anyway, they haven't spoke to each other until almost 2yrs ago. They forgave each other. My grandmother died last year and I'm glad they see her for the last time. So, I'm hoping your family mends before it's too late. I don't know about your family or what had happen. I'm glad that Danny's Uncle sends him gift and hope his grandfather will send him one. :)
 
Yes true...

Thank you everyone...

We added "answer by 10th April" on invitation card. That's why it's plenty of time for him to answer Danny... It's one week until 10th April then I will know more.
 
What happen?....... since its RSVP April the 10th, today it is 17th. Is your father in law coming?
 
Opal said:
What happen?....... since its RSVP April the 10th, today it is 17th. Is your father in law coming?
Click to expand...

Ohhhhh yes... Thannnnkkk you for fresh my memory... :giggle:

I will scan a piece of paper to show you all what he responsed this evening.... and tell me what you think of this...

To me, I can tell from his writing is form of annoying with awful and mess handwritting which normally he didn't do that... I know his handwritting very well... I can tell from his form of writing that he is annoy and feel not like to attend Danny's confirmation.

Danny was like :ugh3: when he opened his responsed mail and see just piece a unclean paper and write angrily...

Thank you for invitation.
Come to church by 9.30 am.
Best regard
Granddad.

I told Danny to not worry about his writing behavior... He is able to make his present at his Confirmation is mainly matter. He was like yeah...
 
Liebling:-))) said:
Ohhhhh yes... Thannnnkkk you for fresh my memory... :giggle:

I will scan a piece of paper to show you all what he responsed this evening.... and tell me what you think of this...

To me, I can tell from his writing is form of annoying with awful and mess handwritting which normally he didn't do that... I know his handwritting very well... I can tell from his form of writing that he is annoy and feel not like to attend Danny's confirmation.

Danny was like :ugh3: when he opened his responsed mail and see just piece a unclean paper and write angrily...

Thank you for invitation.
Come to church by 9.30 am.
Best regard
Granddad.

I told Danny to not worry about his writing behavior... He is able to make his present at his Confirmation is mainly matter. He was like yeah...
Click to expand...



See this form of handwriting like this... Oh well... :cool: Not even say... Hallo Danny or whatever... How are you... etc..

It look like that he won´t attend resturant and afternoon coffee ? He said that it´s just church?
 
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