nurturinghome
New Member
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2007
- Messages
- 5
- Reaction score
- 0
I wanted to share with you my experience being deaf unwelcome in a discriminating hearing world. The people's altitude give us hard time.
For instance, my husband looked for a job as a manager after he was laid off due to downsizing in his workplace. He went to 400 places for interviews. Each place told him they will call him next week and after that - nothing. Every time he went to an interview he knew that every workplace has at least 100 competitors whom all have an obvious advantage over him: They can HEAR as he can't. They can speak in the phone what is critical advantage in a workplace.
When things got desperate I pushed him to become self employed as an handyman.
People are asking me why I am not working. They think getting a job is as easy as a cake. Read at the wanted ads in the newspaper, ask people around for a job opening call a company and they will happily hire you NOW. People don't imagine I have been looking for job for few years and didn't find. People know very well to ask why I don't work but when I want to work in something specific they then tell me why 'this' isn't for me. All of this altitude hurts my feelings so much.
For instance, I offered my service as a babysitter in my house. I have experience. I used to babysit in my home. (my customers relocated far) I knew this community is in a desperate need for babysitters and many of them are overbooked. But somehow it just doesn't work out. I post ads that I can babysit in my home - flexible hours, experience and excellent references. I have my own children who can play with the babysat kids to keep them busy and also plenty of great toys. Nothing, no response. As the neighbor across the street posted a similar ad and she is overbooked and can't babysit for everyone.
Once on community message board I found some woman who is looking for a babysitter with a flexible schedule which sounded just like me. I contacted her through relay service. If I was lucky she picked the phone and told her I am available and will be pleased to babysit her child. Other times I had to find an hearing person to call as people don't know what is 'relay call'. The ad publisher said thanks but she found someone else. In the next week I find out she renews her ad that she looks for a babysitter. Which means she didn't want ME to babysit her baby.
When I told someone about my situation and shared my hurt feelings she said she understands very well the worried parents who are afraid to leave their babies with me as how can I hear if the baby cries? I told her their worries are valid and are making sense but all of these fears are leaving me with no possibility to make a decent living like everyone else. Why can't they give me a chance like everyone else to prove myself? Everyone is admiring my children. They are really very special children. They know it all. At the yeshiva/school my oldest son is talking about interesting things. All of the kids are surrounding him that always has interesting stories and endless information to speak about. Same about my daughter. So nobody thinks about this. Is anything wrong with my children that grew up with 'deaf' parents?
Its very nice to give charity to the poor people and feel you have done a great deed. But one thing nobody thinks about the real charity is to give the disabled people an equal opportunity to use their service or hire them.
People are still wondering why I don't have any job. People are asking me why I am not working. How about stopping asking questions and hire me or speak with their employers if there is any job opening for me or use my services as babysitter (for instance)? Besides that I don't limit myself only in babysitting field. I have good design talent. I can help people organize their homes, control their clutter and decorate their home include painting color ideas . (not anything complicated as a professional interior designing that include breaking walls and extreme makeovers as I am not trained or licensed to do so)
I am not looking for a job I am unable to do. If the job requires a teacher's assistant to sing with a nice voice, I am not interested because I can't sing nicely. If the job requires a secretary to speak on the phone I am not interested because I can't speak on the phone. So why nobody trusts me in what I can do?
The people's altitude to the deaf forces us into a hard struggle to live. How can one survive in a world nobody trusts you and doesn't want to hire you as they don't trust you because you are 'deaf'. Only God's mercy allow my husband to make some living as an handyman.
Not only that. People are also having senseless 'concerns' about us and push themselves into our most intimate issues. 'Good souls' are telling us: "3 children is enough. Its too hard for you. You are deaf you can't deal with more children. Take some birth control. Why not take a sticker? Why not take an IUD? Why not take the pill? Why are you so fussy and refuse to take the pill like everyone else? Having more children is expensive. How can you afford more children?!" Its none of their business!
Out of nowhere they are 'worried' about us leaving our children alone at home. Excuse me. I am at home all day. How can I leave them alone? I don't even have a car. My husband is taking the only car to his work. so they are saying they opened the front door and saw my 18 month old baby hanging around in the living room all alone. So they called out 'hello hello' and based on this evidence they decided I am not home. Maybe I was in the bathroom by then? Maybe I was in the kitchen that is right behind the living room wall curve? Hello, I am deaf. I can't hear when they call out like that to the air 'hello hello' so how on Earth can I know someone was at the door?!! Also how come they think its 'OK' to open my house's door without being invited in and enter?
I left the front door unlocked for a good reason. Someone was bringing my oldest son from school and I didn't want him to be locked outside in case I miss the exact moment he comes home. The time frame he could come could be anytime between 15 minutes to 30 minutes. Its very easy to miss when someone comes if I walked away from the window for a moment. I can't wait by the window all of the time and hold if I need bathroom!! And nobody thinks about this basic issue!
Unlike my lack of control about unexpected people showing up at my door, fortunately I have good control on what goes on IN my house. As about small immobile babies in cribs, I never ever let them to be out of my sight, so I can SEE if they cry. That is how I take care of babies without being depend on defective hearing to determine whether they cry or not.
Its not so hard to be deaf. It IS hard for me with the people's altitude. that's it! So I lifted it from my heart and thank you for reading all the way to here!
Frustrated to tears,
For instance, my husband looked for a job as a manager after he was laid off due to downsizing in his workplace. He went to 400 places for interviews. Each place told him they will call him next week and after that - nothing. Every time he went to an interview he knew that every workplace has at least 100 competitors whom all have an obvious advantage over him: They can HEAR as he can't. They can speak in the phone what is critical advantage in a workplace.
When things got desperate I pushed him to become self employed as an handyman.
People are asking me why I am not working. They think getting a job is as easy as a cake. Read at the wanted ads in the newspaper, ask people around for a job opening call a company and they will happily hire you NOW. People don't imagine I have been looking for job for few years and didn't find. People know very well to ask why I don't work but when I want to work in something specific they then tell me why 'this' isn't for me. All of this altitude hurts my feelings so much.
For instance, I offered my service as a babysitter in my house. I have experience. I used to babysit in my home. (my customers relocated far) I knew this community is in a desperate need for babysitters and many of them are overbooked. But somehow it just doesn't work out. I post ads that I can babysit in my home - flexible hours, experience and excellent references. I have my own children who can play with the babysat kids to keep them busy and also plenty of great toys. Nothing, no response. As the neighbor across the street posted a similar ad and she is overbooked and can't babysit for everyone.
Once on community message board I found some woman who is looking for a babysitter with a flexible schedule which sounded just like me. I contacted her through relay service. If I was lucky she picked the phone and told her I am available and will be pleased to babysit her child. Other times I had to find an hearing person to call as people don't know what is 'relay call'. The ad publisher said thanks but she found someone else. In the next week I find out she renews her ad that she looks for a babysitter. Which means she didn't want ME to babysit her baby.
When I told someone about my situation and shared my hurt feelings she said she understands very well the worried parents who are afraid to leave their babies with me as how can I hear if the baby cries? I told her their worries are valid and are making sense but all of these fears are leaving me with no possibility to make a decent living like everyone else. Why can't they give me a chance like everyone else to prove myself? Everyone is admiring my children. They are really very special children. They know it all. At the yeshiva/school my oldest son is talking about interesting things. All of the kids are surrounding him that always has interesting stories and endless information to speak about. Same about my daughter. So nobody thinks about this. Is anything wrong with my children that grew up with 'deaf' parents?
Its very nice to give charity to the poor people and feel you have done a great deed. But one thing nobody thinks about the real charity is to give the disabled people an equal opportunity to use their service or hire them.
People are still wondering why I don't have any job. People are asking me why I am not working. How about stopping asking questions and hire me or speak with their employers if there is any job opening for me or use my services as babysitter (for instance)? Besides that I don't limit myself only in babysitting field. I have good design talent. I can help people organize their homes, control their clutter and decorate their home include painting color ideas . (not anything complicated as a professional interior designing that include breaking walls and extreme makeovers as I am not trained or licensed to do so)
I am not looking for a job I am unable to do. If the job requires a teacher's assistant to sing with a nice voice, I am not interested because I can't sing nicely. If the job requires a secretary to speak on the phone I am not interested because I can't speak on the phone. So why nobody trusts me in what I can do?
The people's altitude to the deaf forces us into a hard struggle to live. How can one survive in a world nobody trusts you and doesn't want to hire you as they don't trust you because you are 'deaf'. Only God's mercy allow my husband to make some living as an handyman.
Not only that. People are also having senseless 'concerns' about us and push themselves into our most intimate issues. 'Good souls' are telling us: "3 children is enough. Its too hard for you. You are deaf you can't deal with more children. Take some birth control. Why not take a sticker? Why not take an IUD? Why not take the pill? Why are you so fussy and refuse to take the pill like everyone else? Having more children is expensive. How can you afford more children?!" Its none of their business!
Out of nowhere they are 'worried' about us leaving our children alone at home. Excuse me. I am at home all day. How can I leave them alone? I don't even have a car. My husband is taking the only car to his work. so they are saying they opened the front door and saw my 18 month old baby hanging around in the living room all alone. So they called out 'hello hello' and based on this evidence they decided I am not home. Maybe I was in the bathroom by then? Maybe I was in the kitchen that is right behind the living room wall curve? Hello, I am deaf. I can't hear when they call out like that to the air 'hello hello' so how on Earth can I know someone was at the door?!! Also how come they think its 'OK' to open my house's door without being invited in and enter?
I left the front door unlocked for a good reason. Someone was bringing my oldest son from school and I didn't want him to be locked outside in case I miss the exact moment he comes home. The time frame he could come could be anytime between 15 minutes to 30 minutes. Its very easy to miss when someone comes if I walked away from the window for a moment. I can't wait by the window all of the time and hold if I need bathroom!! And nobody thinks about this basic issue!
Unlike my lack of control about unexpected people showing up at my door, fortunately I have good control on what goes on IN my house. As about small immobile babies in cribs, I never ever let them to be out of my sight, so I can SEE if they cry. That is how I take care of babies without being depend on defective hearing to determine whether they cry or not.
Its not so hard to be deaf. It IS hard for me with the people's altitude. that's it! So I lifted it from my heart and thank you for reading all the way to here!
Frustrated to tears,
I think so you are point to try better against to law. I think should better law stronger to deaf .. 
